Summary

The article humorously suggests music to help cope with the weekday blues, from Monday's dread to the anticipation of Friday, while acknowledging the reality that the workweek remains challenging despite these musical pick-me-ups.

Abstract

The piece, presented as humor and satire, addresses the universal struggle of getting through the workweek, particularly the rough start on Mondays. It proposes a soundtrack for each weekday, beginning with The Carpenter's "Rainy Days and Mondays" to reflect the Monday blues, and moving through songs that match the mood of each subsequent day. Tuesday's hangover is eased with the Rolling Stones' "Ruby Tuesday," coinciding with the author's craving for hearty food from the restaurant of the same name. Wednesday, or hump day, is represented by the upbeat dance of Wednesday Addams to motivate pushing through to the weekend. Thursday is seen as the unofficial start of the weekend, with a reminder to stay true to oneself and avoid the supervisor. Finally, Friday arrives with the promise of the weekend, despite the author's spoiler that it may not live up to expectations. The article concludes by acknowledging that readers will likely be too busy enjoying their weekends to care about reading further.

Opinions

The author expresses a relatable sentiment about the universal dislike of Mondays and the struggle to start the workweek.
There's a candid admission that the author has frequently wanted to quit their job, especially on Mondays, challenging the adage "Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life."
The author humorously suggests that Ruby Tuesday's hamburgers are a suitable cure for a Tuesday hangover, with a preference for substantial food over lighter options.
The article takes a playful jab at the idea of Thursday being the unofficial start of the weekend, noting the increase in "sick" days on Friday due to premature weekend celebrations.
The author's tone implies that the weekend is a time for personal freedom and relief from work, with a hint of cynicism about the reality of the workweek's grind.
The piece concludes with a tongue-in-cheek spoiler about the weekend, suggesting that it may not always meet one's expectations, but it's still anticipated with excitement.

HUMOR | SATIRE

Music That Will Make Your Workweek Wonderful

Nah, I’m lying. Monday through Thursday will still suck

**This was me every Monday morning for forty years.** Created in Adobe Firefly

Each Monday, people around the globe are trying to recover from too much fun, alcohol, and probably a wee bit too much weed over the weekend. And dammit, we’re tired and hungover.

So, I thought a little mood music might get us through the week to the freaking awesomesauce of Friday. You might say I’m shining a little light at the end of a long-ass tunnel.

Monday: The Carpenter’s 1971 song, Rainy Days and Mondays, hits all the right notes about the start of the week.

“Talking to myself and feelin’ old

Sometimes I’d like to quit.”

I’m gonna stop right here. Who hasn’t wanted to quit a shitty job every Monday morning? I’ve wanted to quit my job at least once a week for the last damn 40-plus years.

“Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.” I’m calling bull on that. I’ve had two jobs I made careers out of. The military and journalism. And every Monday, I’d ask myself the same question: What the hell am I doing here?

Tuesday: When Tuesday hits, people are still getting over their hangovers. Don’t tell me you’ve never been so shitfaced on a Sunday that it took two days to recover. Thankfully, we have Ruby Tuesday to get us through the day.

Tuesdays are the adult version of the terrible twos. We’re grumpy AF, even if we’re too damn old to be teething — or whatever two-year-old kids bitch about.

That brings us to Ruby Tuesday, which has some excellent hangover food. I’m not talking about a fucking endless garden bar. Mixed greens and tomatoes won’t do a damn thing for you. I want meat. No, no spotted dick this time. I want a thick, juicy hamburger with onion, lettuce, tomatoes, and fries. The fries are fantastic. They’re thin like McDonald’s fries, only better. You won’t shit for a few days, but they’re totally worth it.

What goes best with Ruby Tuesday hangover food? Ruby-fucking-Tuesday, of course, by the Rolling Stones. I have to be honest; I’ve always thought the Monkees covered that song. Nope. It was the Stones all the way.

As a matter of fact, Rolling Stone magazine (well, there’s a coincidence) ranked the song number 310 on their list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. Who knew?

Wednesday: Ahhh, good old hump day. Even if you’re not getting any, it’s still hump day. People now have hope to make it to the day of days, Friday.

But you still have to drag your ass through hump day. Easier said than done. There’s always a supervisor — henceforth known as pompous ass — who threatens your dream of getting to the weekend without too much more shite. Sit their ass down and tune into Wednesday Addams’ dance routine. Let’s get that fucker in the mood to party.

Thursday: Ahh, Thursday. At long last, it’s the unofficial kickoff to the weekend. Have you ever noticed there are a lot of sick people on Friday? That’s because these fuckers have already kicked off the weekend with a little — OK — a lot of alcohol. But they’re mellow on Thursday. People are trying to keep that shit to themselves.

So, folks, embrace who you are. Be true to yourself and all that good shit. Don’t do anything on Thursday if that’s what you’re feeling. Just stay as far away as possible from your supervisor.

PS: No makeup is needed.

Friday: It’s that time. Work may have your soul from 9 to 5, but the freaking weekend is nigh. But I have to spoil it. You should know what’s coming. Sorry about that shit.

I’m not leaving out Saturday and Sunday. But y’all gonna be too busy to care.

Thanks for reading.

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