THINGS RACHAEL LEFT OUT
Monday Mudditor Meetings Are the Highlight of the Week
Editor Fairy notes the chaos of 6 December 2021
“I can’t find the Zoom link! Help!” was the perennial cry from a Mudditor or two. Andrew explained where to find it on Slack. It’s currently the third of five items pinned to the 🔒editors channel, which, obviously, is locked unless you’re a MuddyUm editor.
Like others recently, this meeting ran long.
- BOF brought up pet peeves after catching a writer using less instead of fewer in a story. Editor fairy is peevish about that too, BOF
- Gary: there are better pets to have than peeves. He wrote about it after the meeting, here
- Carol quickly agreed with Gary, here
Susan — again — must leave early, after starting the meeting 10 minutes late. That woman is a powerhouse. I’m glad I’m retired.
- She’s a full-time student with a 4.0 GPA. Her PhD work is interfering? She has to talk to some PhDs in 10 minutes? She has or is working toward a baccalaureate in Psychology and Global Indigenous Knowledge Systems then plans to go for a master’s in Adult Learning. Then a PhD
- Gary: let’s talk about indigenous pedagogies
- Susan: burial law & practices. Live in reciprocity with the earth. Real — tangible — inspirational. She loves the wholeness of this work in juxtaposition with psychology
Gallivanting with a trio of ellipses
I brought up an editing situation on a gallivanting story in the queue. I made one suggestion — change 3 ellipses instances — and provided straightforward alternatives. The writer disagreed with 2 of them and called on Susan. Writers, please note — this delays publication. It’s faster to work with your editor.
Many if not most editorial suggestions are just that! It’s fine to ask, “Is this required for MuddyUm publication?” if you’re not sure.
Since Susan’s ellipsis rule loosened, I usually note something like Did you know Susan doesn’t like ellipses? along with This ellipsis works. I’m willing to risk walking the plank if you are! if I think the ellipsis is necessary.
My writing used to be peppered with ellipses and parens. MuddyUm has taught me better, but it’s nice to have options. So long as we humor our boss, the Cap’n, most of the time!
Screenplays have different standards and ellipses are common? or may appear? Carol: standup has rhythm and cadences. Hope clarification on what these statements mean for Mudditors will be forthcoming.
Muddyum Outlaws* Sunday, Sunday
*It’s a Facebook group, BOF
Susan created a special vehicle for Outlaws group engagement. On her Sunday posts for that purpose only, feel free to advertise your favorite non-MuddyUm stories. The Cap’n says if you post, you read — as many of the other stories as you can.
Exit Susan, Stage Right
BOF enters, stage left
Anything fun? BOF likely leads with that because he’s retired too, he’s a fun guy, and retirement is all about fun.
- Gary went to LA for his birthday and returned home via red-eye yesterday, wiped out
- BOF sang on the weekend, all in Latin, with much stamping of feet. BOF’s system for memorizing long passages is to start at the end and work back, which requires discipline. De gustibus non disputandum est, BOF. Perhaps he should sing Carmina Burana when our Zoomathon is rescheduled?
Tam pro papa quam pro rege bibunt omnes sine lege Bibit hera, bibit herus, bibit miles, bibit clerus, bibit ille, bibit illa, bibit servus cum ancilla, bibit velox, bibit piger, bibit albus, bibit niger, bibit constans, bibit vagus, bibit rudis, bibit magus. — from Carmina Burana, by Carl Orff
- Rachael had to memorize the fuzzy-wuzzy poem as a child and quoted it as proof
- BOF reminded us memorizing is good for the brain and said he had a Messiah rehearsal that night
Age ain’t nothing but a number
- BOF: “I’m old”
- Carol: “I’m a year younger than you, and I’m not old”
I’m with you, Carol. We’re middle-aged at most. Isn’t 70 the new 50? I was too busy writing to talk. Think positively, think vintage, BOF!
- Gary: “Plenty of dead ppl out there saying, you think you’ve got it bad”
- Rachael is ageless
- Sarah is emotionally 12
Baby, it’s cold outside
- Rachael is experiencing extreme cold in the US Midwest: high of 8°F, low of 1°F, feels like -18°F
- Amy looked up the temp in Antarctica: -11°F
Books
- BOF recommended Immune, by Philipp Dettmer. It’s on Slack in the #books channel. He heard of it on a virology podcast and thinks some of its chapters belong on MuddyUm. Bacteria are like baby bunnies; viruses are spiders
- Amy and I both received our copies of the psychology textbook Susan raved about a while ago. Just posted on Slack in #books but haven’t read it yet
Misc. zooming
- Rachael mentioned a friends & family discount on a family member’s condo. Is she going to Oahu? I don’t know, but owning a condo there isn’t her dream
- Someone said, “Carol, there’s a cat growing out of your head”
- Someone else said, “we’re slow on the funny today”
Taking Care of Business
Rachael brought up newsletters — Anu Anniah’s MuddyUm November 2021 Top 3+1 came out as planned last Monday, and there’ll be more butt humor next week.
Prompt idea — weather humor
Carol experienced an extreme power outage event last year — days in an apartment in Texas without power and water. Where were the magic light bulbs and generator when she needed them?
Where do we suggest directing stories not suitable for MuddyUm?
Some Mudditors publish their unfunny stories in these pubs:
- Rants — Blow Your Stack
- Open letters — Open Letters To
MuddyUm publishes open letters and rants when they meet our standard of humor.
Carol turned away an open letter, which the writer tweaked and resubmitted, drawing BOF as their Round 2 editor. We know not whether BOF knew Carol was involved previously or whether Carol would’ve published the revised version.
Ride, Captain, Ride Upon Your Humor Ship
Susan Returned at 8:52a PST
She wasn’t fired during whatever-it-was with the PhDs so dived right into funny business.
November’s MuddyUm MWC
- Winners will be announced by 12/15/21. Gary: comedy eugenics
- Gary & BOF are helping Susan judge MWC entries and wonder whether arguments will determine the winners. Will the best debater win? So BOF will lose?
- Susan wants us to double-check that our MWC stories are listed here — November MWC Entries. Mine wasn’t because it was missing the correct tag. Oops
- Medium search tools aren’t the best. BOF is an engineer and, of course, set up a spreadsheet. His wife came into zoom-view then and appeared to comb BOF’s hair with a pen. She didn’t murder him with a straight razor. Yes, these are actual notes. Sweeney Todd moment. Alan Rickman bled out. I know these are pop culture references
MuddyUm pub tabs: ‘Submit’ vs. ‘Outlaws’ vs. ‘Advice’
Our discussion seemed pellucid at the time but my notes are muddy, as they call out the Advice, not Submit, tab in addition to Outlaws. Does the following reflect our latest thinking, fellow Mudditors?
- How-to-torials and Mudditorial writing advice will remain on the Outlaws tab. Mudditors need to keep such stories current as things change
- Streamlined 101/201/301 information will live on the Submit tab, which may be renamed, to which Susan will direct new writers during onboarding
MuddyUm actively recruits new writers, so we’ll never be able to get everyone trained then relax. Instructions for writing on MuddyUm need to be as easy to find and understand as possible. As they say,
updating policies & procedures is like changing the tires on a moving vehicle
Susan Has Big Boat Dreams
She craves an inland captain’s license. Lake Erie! Buffalo! Achieving Skipper certification is easy but Susan wants a 100-ton commercial license and a six-pack. That is, tours, wine, finger sandwiches with six paying customers. As she puts it,
A sweet, sweet gig. You can all stop talking this shit that ‘she thinks she’s a captain.’
- Rachael: “We can hold a competition, where winners earn a seat on Susan’s cruise following Comedy Camp!”
- Andrew, sheepish at ‘she thinks she’s a captain’: “It gives walking the plank a whole new meaning”
- BOF: Add a diving board
- Gary: We’re committed to the metaphor
Rachael has been sailing on Lake Superior and took a class including an overboard drill, where they were supposed to right the boat. Susan likes tipping the boat drills, but not in a storm, and massively respects the Coast Guard.
One Toke Over the Line?
We always go here, don’t we
Susan found out recently that recreational marijuana became legal in New York State in April.
- Up In Smoke. Ask For Flowers. Were we brainstorming pot shop names?
- BOF: In Massachusetts, one can order online for pickup. That’s how it’s done in the Greater Seattle area, too, BOF
- Susan’s planned cargo will be gummies? Someone asked, what’s the point of a cargo bay if nothing’s illicit?
- Amy felt prompted by what is illicit and wants to shift the narrative. What happened to Joy? She died of COVID
- Gary: “add more funny” — monopoly on funny. Cargo hold of butt jokes. “A cargo hold is the rectum of the boat.” Gary is very on today
If I have to look for and delete Susan’s pet peeve periods at the end of bullets ONE MORE TIME, I tell ya … I will. Susan’s worth it.
- Gary & Carol & Ted & Alice found Andrew’s hemorrhoid story triggering
- Amy: can’t have too many hemorrhoid stories
Let’s see: boats → cargo → weed → cargo holds → rectum of boat → hemorrhoids → alrighty then ⬇︎.
She’s Having Your Baby?
- Carol pushed out a 10-pound baby
- Susan’s baby was 12 pounds
Both were C-section deliveries. I can’t spell the other word. I see the incongruent Carol facts.
- Andrew: hemorrhoids need a safe haven or to be put up for adoption
Carol’s son Blake’s ears must’ve been burning because he came into zoom-view then. He is 6'5" tall. Which led to sharing of the varying heights of mothers and fathers in the group — mothers short, fathers tall — but I didn’t write the numbers down except for Carol — 5'2" vs. 6'. Again, I was writing not talking. My stats are 5'6" vs. 6'2" for my daughter’s father.
- Rachael weighed almost 9 pounds at birth
- Susan: PROMPT — “ya big baby”
Unpleasant sounds from a nurse
Susan had an ultrasound late in her pregnancy. Her large baby had fat creases, and the weirdo nurse was disgusted. Nurse Ratched chastised Susan for not picking a smaller father for her baby. Ratched said sperm contributors should be ruled out if they were large babies themselves.
Gary: Dating apps need a new category!
He & his wife were asked do twins run in your family? during their first sonogram. They said no, why? “No reason.” They had twins.
Premature babies are like rare meat
Who said that? I chimed in on how to have a more efficient pregnancy. Both my daughter and I were born early by ≈2 months. I was due in November but arrived in September; Ivy was due in July and arrived in May. She weighed 4 lbs 13 oz and I was 4 lbs 6 or 7 oz.
I hope the next note I wrote doesn’t mean everyone dozed off while I spoke.
Remote Control, the prompt
Amy suggested who needs a remote control to shut who up? Rachael was reminded of a movie called Click. She promptly wrote a prompt, here.
Blah-blah-television-blah recommendation
Susan really likes True Story with Kevin Hart and Wesley Snipes, a serious fictional psychological thriller.
That’s all, folks! thank god
Meeting attendees, besides Susan Brearley and me, were Amy Sea, Andrew Rodwin, Baskerville Old Face (BOF), Gary Chapin, Rachael Ann Sand, Sarah Paris, and Carol Lennox.
Peace out, piratical peeps. Past meeting notes are here:
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