FAMILY FICTION

Mom, Can I Catch Anorexia?

This story is an honest look at a young girl’s struggle and the fight for her sister to recover from an eating disorder, only possible with love, family support, and knowledgeable professionals.

Tears pooled in Emma’s swollen eyes. She stared out the living room window through the green and yellow stained-glass plaque she made last week in her third-grade art class. She twirled the soft ends of her long bangs over and over before tucking the blonde strand behind her ear.

Emma’s mom reached for her hand and interlaced their fingers.

“Emma. Emma,” her mom spoke gently. “Did you hear me, sweetie? Your sister has become very sick, and today during school, she collapsed. The ambulance came and rushed Beth to the hospital.” Her mom gently squeezed her hand. “Doctor Rader thinks Beth has anorexia.”

Emma swallowed hard as she watched her mom fight to choke back tears. “Is Beth going to be okay?” Emma asked.

“With our support and the doctor’s help, she has a great chance of being just fine. First, she needs to want to get better. She hasn’t been eating enough for her body to stay strong. When she fainted, her body was too weak and gave out,” her mom answered.

Emma wrinkled her eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t she want to get better? I can’t stand it when I get sick. What is anorexia?” She sounded out each syllable like Miss Jacob, her spelling teacher, had taught her to do when she didn’t know a word. “Can you catch it like a cold?” she asked, puzzled.

“No, sweetie. It isn’t spreading germs like a cold. It’s more a sickness that affects your mind and how you feel about yourself,” her mom explained. “Some girls believe they are fat, so they don’t eat to try to lose weight. Some girls exercise too much or even throw up their food.”

Emma tapped her fingers on her chin. “Is it like when my pigtails were crooked; my hair was sticking up, and I said I looked ugly?” Emma asked. Before waiting for an answer, questions came flooding out in one breath. “Do all girls get it? Does it go away? Can the doctor give Beth some medicine to make her better?” Emma put her head on her mom’s lap.

“Sweetie, I don’t have all the answers, but I can see how worried you are about Beth. I will give the doctor a call and get some answers to your questions. When Dad gets home from the hospital, we can all visit Beth after dinner.”

The doorbell rang. Chrissy, Emma’s next-door neighbor, and classmate peeked her curly redhead in the screen door. Her feet dragged as she made her way to Emma in the living room. In her usual high-pitched tone, she whined, “Why does Miss Jacob give us so much homework? Third grade isn’t supposed to be that hard, is it?” She plopped down on her knees facing Emma and tilted her head sideways in line with Emma’s. “What are you doing? Do you want to play on my swing set? My mom said it’s okay.”

Emma’s mom hugged her and said, “Why don’t you play outside? I’ll call you when I’ve finished talking to the doctor and making dinner.”

The screen door slammed shut, startling Emma until she remembered that its spring had broken yesterday. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and sat down on the last step. Chrissy shared the space next to her.

“Where is Beth? Isn’t she usually home from school before you?” Chrissy asked.

Emma stared down at her glittery, red shoelaces and tapped her heels together. She tapped over and over until her head stopped pounding, and the right words began to form. “Beth is in the hospital. She hasn’t been eating a lot. She even fainted at school today. Chrissy, have you ever heard of anorexia?” Emma asked.

Chrissy looked up for a minute. “I never knew there was a name for it when you don’t want to eat. My 11-year-old cousin, who’s a year younger than Beth, always talks about trying the newest diet that her mom is doing. She’s beautiful but always says she needs to be skinnier. She has magazine pictures of really skinny models taped on her bedroom closet door.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard of the name for it. I saw something on TV about some girls in gymnastics who were sick because they weren’t eating enough.” Exhausted from worry, Emma let her mind wander. She looked up at the clouds. They were a faint shade of orange and pink. Some of them formed into different animals.

Emma glanced over her shoulder to see if her mom was by the screen door. She lowered her voice, took a deep breath, and looked Chrissy right in the eye. “Have you told anyone about our secret at lunchtime?”

Chrissy shook her head. “No way. But now, because of Beth, do you think we should? I don’t want to be sick.”

“I don’t know. The fourth-grade girls were letting us sit with them because we all threw out our lunches. Kristen always brings those shakes from her mom’s closet. I think they taste like Tums. She said if we were going to hang out with them, we had to eat the same as the popular girls. I don’t want to become one of the teased girls, but I feel bad throwing out the lunch my mom packed. I get so hungry by dinnertime, too.” Emma said, putting her hands in her lap.

“Emma. Time to eat!” her mom yelled through the screen and then spotted the girls on the front step. “Sorry, I thought you went out back.”

The aroma of garlic lemon chicken floated down the front stairs.

Chrissy jumped up and waved. “Tell Beth I hope she gets to come home soon. We’ll help cheer her up. I’ll ask my mom if she can drive us both to school in the morning. Stop by when you get home from seeing Beth.”

A low voice came from inside the house, “How’s my little Miss Emma Grace?”

“Dad! You’re home early!” Emma yelled. She jumped off the steps and rushed inside. Putting her arms around his neck as he leaned down, she inquired, “Can we go see Beth now?”

Her dad brushed her blonde bangs out of her eyes. “I know you’re excited to see her, but we’ll go right after dinner. I stayed with Beth after she got to the hospital, but she’s resting right now. Doctor Rader said visiting hours are 7:00 pm until 9:00 pm.”

All through dinner, Emma pushed her peas around her plate. The squeak of her fork against her plate was annoying but somehow rhythmic while she tried to slow down all the worries racing through her mind.

Her dad kept his head down. Her mom just kept looking at both of them with glazed eyes. Emma looked up and fired some more questions at her mom. “What did the doctor say? Didn’t you know Beth was sick?”

“We are learning anorexia is a disease many people try to hide, especially from people who love them. No, sweetie, your dad and I didn’t know how dangerous her health was. We knew she had been running a lot and working out extra for track season, but maybe we should have asked more questions.” Her mom blinked back tears. “Sometimes, no matter how much you love your kids like we love you and Beth, parents can’t always protect them from harming themselves or making their own mistakes. Right now, she’s stopped eating because she believes she’s too fat,” her mom explained.

“Why does Beth think she’s fat? She’s so pretty and is always running around doing so many different sports. Why doesn’t she look in the mirror more to see how pretty she is or ask me?” Emma awaited her mom’s reply. She noticed her mom’s chin and lips shaking.

“Remember when you were late for school last week and forgot to bring your toast in the car? You said your stomach was growling so much you couldn’t think very clearly for your spelling test. When your body doesn’t get the food it needs, your brain won’t work as well. When Beth looks in the mirror, her brain makes her see her body differently than when she’s healthy. It’s like looking in the strange, curvy mirrors at the circus,” said her mom.

“Is Beth going to die?” Emma stared out the window at various shadows dancing under the light of the moon and corner streetlight. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer.

“Oh, my sweet Miss Emma Grace. We will do everything we can and let the doctors do their job, to help Beth get better. Although it’s dangerous, Beth is getting help before it has gotten too bad,” her dad explained.

Emma fidgeted in her seat, studying her parents’ expressions. Her mom rubbed her bloodshot eyes. Her dad rested his head up against his hand.

Her dad continued, “It can be a huge struggle, as she grows up, without treating it. Children and adults can die from it. It can affect boys or girls.”

“Can she just start eating again and be okay?” Emma asked.

Her mom added, “That is only part of what she needs to do. We need to give her our support and lots of patience.”

Instantly, she felt like this was one of those times she would need to grow up and understand things quickly.

“First, the doctor has a program he wants Beth to be in for a few weeks. She will be staying in the hospital with other kids her age who have an eating disorder.” Her mom grabbed her hand from across the table and gently rubbed her fingers.

Her mom continued, “I know it will be hard not being able to see Beth very much. She needs to focus on getting herself better without other distractions.”

“Mom, is her sickness why she’s been so crabby at me lately? She always yells at me when I go in her bedroom, lately.” Emma remembered their arguments the previous morning. Emma wanted to share the bathroom time to get ready for school in the morning, but Beth was running late. She was throwing clothes around, trying ten different things on, before she locked the bathroom door. She told Emma to use her parents’ bathroom. “I also don’t understand why Beth still loves baking cookies and cakes with us,” Emma said, shrugging her shoulders.

Her mom’s eyes darted around the table. “You know. You’re right. Beth always wants to bake with us, but when we finish she never eats it. She just serves us, and we play ‘restaurant.’” Her mom sighed and laid her forehead on her dad’s shoulder.

“Well, let’s go see Beth. We’ll clean up later,” her mom’s words were muffled and broken up.

Emma jumped out of her chair and started running up the stairs. She. opened the door to Beth’s room. “I’ll be right there. I’ll meet you in the car,” she yelled down to her mom and dad. She raced through Beth’s room, lifting blankets, books, and clothes. She grabbed Beth’s pajamas from under her pillow. She forced a smile through the ache she felt from her head starting to pound and the puffiness under her eyes. She reached for an antique, gold-plated hairbrush her mom had given Beth when Emma was born. Emma remembered as a toddler when she would sit in Beth’s lap and let her brush her hair. She ran back downstairs, skipping two steps at a time.

The hospital was five minutes away, but for Emma, it seemed like an hour. All she could do was think about how much she missed the old Beth. Would they ever get her back?

Emma stood outside Beth’s hospital room, watching their mom and dad go in first. Her stomach tightened. Her legs began to shake. She waited for a few minutes listening to nurses and doctors rush past her, rattling off technical terms she couldn’t understand. The smell of cleaning supplies tickled in her nose, and she sneezed.

What would she do if Beth died? Beth wouldn’t be around to play games, make presents at Christmas time, get her driver’s license, or have a boyfriend. Emma couldn’t stop thinking and counting all the things Beth would miss. As Emma walked through the door, she repeated quietly, “Please let Beth be okay. Please let Beth be okay.”

Emma sat in a chair next to Beth’s bed. A thick blue blanket covered Beth’s body, and she had a tube and needle taped in her arm with some liquid in a bag hanging over her. Her light brown hair looked dull and dry, and her face was pale. She was sleeping and curled up sideways into a ball. She reached for Beth’s hand, holding onto her bony fingers, which were so cold. Emma cupped her hands around Beth’s to warm them.

Emma thought about her talk with Chrissy. Had they really started hurting themselves the way Beth had? She turned around and looked up at her parents as tears streamed down her cheeks. “I need to tell you something when we get home,” she said, her voice shaking.

“Okay, sweetie,” her mom whispered. “It’ll be okay.”

Emma laid Beth’s pajamas at the end of the hospital bed. Soft crying came from Beth as she awoke.

“We’re here, honey. We’re all here,” mom said as she wrapped her arms around both girls. Her dad used his huge wingspan to huddle the whole family together. The few minutes they stayed huddled didn’t feel long enough to solve any problems, though.

He put his hand lightly on Beth’s shoulders. “We love you both so much. We will work through this together. We grow and learn as a family,” he said, giving his self-assured smile.

Emma knew he was right. Anorexia, from what her parents and the doctor had said, affects the whole family. It already had changed Beth’s behavior and personality.

Beth changed into her soft, purple, and pink p.j.’s. Before wrapping back up in the thick blanket, Emma noticed how Beth’s shoulder blades almost poked through her thin top. She could even see more blue veins through her sister’s skin through all the goosebumps.

Her parents spotted Doctor Rader in the hallway. They left to speak with him before visiting hours were over for the night.

Emma spoke softly, “Are you scared, Beth? Are you going to be okay? You know I love you even when we fight a lot. I’m sorry. I’ll be a better sister. I promise.”

Beth patted a spot behind her on the hospital bed for Emma to sit down and then quickly covered back up. Emma knew this must be hard for Beth. She wasn’t even facing her anymore.

Beth cleared her throat before she spoke. “Yea. I’m scared. At first, I was mad at Mom and Dad when they wanted me to stay here, but I know it’s not their fault. It’s not your fault, either. I know I don’t want to do this to myself anymore.”

They sat with each other for a few minutes in silence. The noises from outside the hospital door were faint and unimportant. Then Emma remembered the special brush she had brought from Beth’s room. She pulled it out of her little backpack and began brushing Beth’s hair in long strokes.

Beth gave a sweet, weak smile turning to face Emma, and reached out to hug her from beneath the safety of the blanket.

“Thanks, Emma,” Beth said. Her smile widened, and her eyes lit up for the first time that night.

If you know someone struggling with an eating disorder, please contact your local eating disorder recovery center for help. Family, group, and individual counseling are available at most treatment centers.

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My family survived through helping me thrive. Please check out one of my brother’s profile page, Bryan Hauer to support him, too. This article is an interview about his amazing travels.