Men: We Need to Change, or Become Extinct
Men are backing the status quo in a society that’s rejecting it.
Hey guys. Feminism is so annoying, right? I mean, could women screaming at us for centuries to improve actually mean something?
Well, gentlemen, gather ‘round. We need to have a chat.
Let me start off by acknowledging that as a middle-aged, white, cis male, I have some re-programming to go through. I grew up being told indirectly by society that I could have pretty much whatever I wanted (I didn’t get much of it, but still.) That includes women, of any legal age. In fact, the more women we got, the manlier we became. (At least that’s what I heard.)
Men are more frequently turning to anger and violence when things don’t go their way. There are many theories why this is happening. In my opinion, the biggest problem is some men don’t know how to get what they want, or they’re simply unwilling to change in order to get it. This is causing incel culture to grow.
Current role models for younger men aren’t helping
It’s not surprising that male Hollywood stars like Leonardo DiCaprio are getting what they want. The 47-year-old multi-millionaire is dumping women before they hit the ripe, old age of 26. In the past, men would be high-fiving over this, and no doubt many still are. I’m not saying people aren’t allowed to date who they want — including women dating younger men — but this is a pattern that is damaging to both men and women.
Men see Leo dating young, beautiful woman after young, beautiful woman, and think yeah! Why can’t I have that? Well, as several thousand people have pointed out already, scientists now know the prefrontal cortex of the human brain doesn’t fully develop until around the age of 25. Even if there aren’t any publicly disclosed problems in a relationship, repeatedly dating younger partners is sending a message to women in particular that they are of less value when they hit 25. That’s damaging to a culture that’s already obsessed with trying to look younger — even among people that are still considered young.
But this article isn’t just about DiCaprio, and his questionable dating patterns. It’s about men in general right now, including me, and how we need to smarten up. Not just our attitudes towards the other genders — but also how we act in the world in general. We need to stop expecting wins, and start earning them.
Men have been pretty shitty in recent history, with guys like Trump, Epstein, and even seemingly less dangerous men that are turning toxic masculinity into an empire. The truth is that men have always been shitty. They just never really had to change anything about themselves before. Women were (and still are) expected to stay in crappy relationships for the sake of the kids, and not to embarrass their church/families with a divorce.
However, women are slowly gaining more influence on society in general. Feminism is making gains, to the dismay of many men who dismiss it as women whining or trying to ruin their lives.
Men’s bad behaviour isn’t just towards women — it’s towards the world. This is apparent when certain dictators rise up to crush other nations, like they’re playing a board game. This, as my good friend pointed out, is because some world leaders like to relive their glory days when they’re older and still have power, at the expense of entire populations.
Meanwhile, men so easily dismiss women who are trying to save the world, like Greta Thunberg. From what I’ve witnessed, the baseline male instinct is to point and laugh because the warnings are not coming from a loudmouth male.
I will say that at least DiCaprio is an environmentalist, so that’s a redeeming quality, but we need more male power figures to echo the message about catastrophic climate change. In the meantime, it’s primarily men that are driving us closer to climate catastrophe.
The future is (most probably) female
The truth is women are gaining more status, at least in some parts of the world. The recent backwards decision about abortion rights sets women back in the U.S.
I believe that particular court decision has nothing to do with “pro-life” — it’s simply a power move from mostly conservative judges — especially the male quadrant — who are asserting their power. They wanted to teach women a lesson.
In the animal kingdom, females are often the dominant species. Males sometimes are only kept around long enough to mate, and then get their heads bitten off, like in the case with the Praying Mantis. African lions, elephants, orcas, and other mammals are also female-dominated. This may also be true among humans, although women have been suppressed by the patriarchy for so long. It has been a concerted effort by men to keep women in their place. I think it’s born of a fear among men that if we give women too much slack, they will destroy us.
The truth is that women are more self-sufficient financially than in the past, and some choose not to have children while still being happy. That puts men — who were once the primary breadwinners — in an awkward spot. It’s simply easier for some women to be single than it is to put up with borderline (or outright) abusive behaviour from a male partner. And more women are choosing relationships with others who identify as women, while raising children together.
Men, I get it, we have a strong primal drive to exert dominance. But the things that often worked in the past to attract women — acting tough, being overly stoic, throwing money and power around — is no longer jiving as much. Most women are growing tired of this, and they’re not going to want whiners either.
Men need to try a bit harder to have value to women outside of making babies and opening jars. We have to be willing to take on some roles that have been historically for women, such as housekeeping and raising children. We need to be present more.
Many men reading this are already good partners, and that’s great. But many other dudes will get offended by this article, and call me a weakling that’s bowing to feminism. Well, bros, if you’d like to have any future co-existing with women, then you’d better learn that real feminism isn’t about harming men. It’s about men actually listening, and evening the playing field for everyone. (My son already understands this concept, and he’s eight.)
I’m not asking men to not be men. We can still be tough, grow beards, drink beer, and solve problems. I’m just saying there are some problematic behaviours among men that need to be addressed. In many cases, men might not even realize what they’re doing is harmful to others. They’re on autopilot from growing up in a male-centric world.
If men want to continue having relevance in the world, and being desirable to women, then we need to shift our attitudes. Understanding that we’re not actually entitled to anything is a good first step to avoid becoming obsolete, or possibly going the way of the dodo — assuming we don’t blow up the Earth first.