Me and Goethe

The quote wasn’t even really his but it did its work

“What you can do, or dream you can, begin it, Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it, Only engage, and then the mind grows heated — Begin it, and the work will be completed!” from “Faust”

I found it in one of those little square books, ones that have some pithy quote in bold type on each page. The one that spoke to me was the first two lines of the above quote and was attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

That was during my days as a hotel maid. I cut out that quote and taped it to my bulky maid’s cart. I wonder what guests at that four-star hotel made of that if any even noticed it. And for years I’ve been sure that Goethe wrote that, never bothering mind you, to actually ever look it up. Nor, I’m sorry to admit, have I ever read any Goethe or even seen one of his dramas. Nope. Just that quote which I loved so much but only in theory, not in action.

In those days my definition of a bold action was to sneak a hotel lamp out past security because the only working living room lamp we owned at the time got smashed in a drunken argument.

That was a job I managed to hold onto for several years which was uncommon for me then. I drank on the job (finding a partial carafe of white wine after guests had checked out brightened the day considerably) and stole bedding and towels and, yes, that lamp. But I also worked my ass off and my section of 17 rooms and one suite were 18 fewer things my floor supervisor ever had to worry about each day. I came in early to get my own linen from the laundry and took real pride in leaving each room in absolutely pristine shape for each next guest.

Then management decided it was time for the genius of bold action and promoted me to floor supervisor.

It may have been a bold move but it was also a bad one. I’m not now and never have been supervisor material. The women on the floors I was responsible for resented me and whispered that I’d been promoted because I slept with the assistant director of housekeeping. They slacked off on their work, knowing all I could do was to frantically follow after them and clean the rooms properly.

My classic move in those days was to quit before being fired. Not exactly what my friend Goethe had in mind, I thought, the day I quit the hotel. I left that quote on my cart. Maybe it inspired whoever inherited it.

But, hey, it was a bold move. Bold and really dumb because that was a decent-paying job with benefits. Bold and really dumb because my partner wasn’t working or looking for work at the time. Not only did I not realize my pole-star quote wasn’t written or said by Goethe, I didn’t even really understand how to take that kind of bold action.

It takes what it takes

For me, it took another seven or eight years of smashing my face into a series of brick walls before I surrendered, accepted help, and finally was able to understand and implement some bold actions, the kind that quote was referring to.

Things like starting college at the age of 40 and moving into my own apartment for the first time. Learning that I could be alone and be ok, that I was fully capable of taking very good care of myself. Ending a wildly abusive relationship and then applying to a tougher university. Being accepted into that university and having an epiphany on the platform waiting for the rapid transit train back across town one bitterly cold day.

Out of thin air came the utter certainty that I was worth it.

I was worth every bit of hard work I was capable of doing on my behalf. That included going into debt to earn my degree. I was confident in that moment that I would be able to pay off the debt (ask me how I’m doing on that so far…or maybe not). I was worth believing in myself. I was worth the help I was receiving on so many fronts. Worth. It. All.

And after all that……….the quote wasn’t by Goethe

Nope. It was actually from a translation of Goethe’s “Faust” by Irish poet, John Anster in 1835. Apparently, Mr. Anster took some liberties with the text.

This appears to be what Mr. Goethe had in mind:

“What does not happen today is not done tomorrow, And don’t miss a day The possible should be the decision Courageously grab hold of it, Then he doesn’t want to let it go And keep working because he has to. ”

I think we can agree that Mr. Anster’s rhyming couplet is snappier.

I can’t say that having that little chunk of inspiration taped to my maid’s cart where I saw it day in and day out really had much of an effect. But I can’t dismiss it, either. I read it over and over so many times that I’d committed it to memory and held it close during some of my darkest nights. Who’s to say it didn’t tuck itself deep into some then-barren crack where it waited for some rain and a nice, fat dollop of fertilizer?

There has been a series of bold actions I’ve taken throughout my life and somewhere nudging those actions along was that quote.

• Shaving my head bald
• Moving to New York City
• Flying to Boise two weeks before the move to support a friend having a leg amputated
• Applying to Columbia University
• Flying off to spend a week in Venice, Italy, by myself
• Flying off two years later to spend a week in Prague on my own
• Approaching my current partner at a sex party
• Learning how to write and compile a successful O-1 or EB-1 petition

And I’ve probably still got a few left in me. You never know!

Thanks, John Anster and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

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