Self-sabotage

Maybe You Are The One Creating Your Own Problems

Sometimes the person who needs to move out of the way is you

I’ve stood in my own way plenty of times. Like the times I would text a guy who would make me feel like crap after the conversation was over. And the times I’ve convinced myself that this time would be different. I would go and get myself hurt, then I would spend days depressed and not wanting to get out of bed.

My intuition would tell me to leave him alone and I would go back anyways. I was broken, but the moment I healed a little bit and felt a little better; I forgot the pain and went right back to the fire that burnt me. I’d get burnt again, and that was when I would remember the pain. I was sabotaging my own growth and healing by standing in my own way.

Self-sabotage is when you actively or passively prevent yourself from doing what you know you need to do.

It’s when you know something is good or bad for you, but then you do things that conflict with what you know.

Self-sabotage can take many forms. It’s when you really want to lose 10 pounds, yet you can’t say no to fast foods.

It's when you move in with a person you just started dating, knowing in your heart that you should not. It’s when you see the huge red flags and you pool the wool over your eyes and pretend it’s all good. It’s when you mess around and get pregnant, knowing the relationship isn't really going anywhere. But you stay when your intuition is telling you to get the hell out of there!

We don't always know when we’re self-sabotaging.

A person may self-sabotage when they won't commit to the person God created for them because they’re emotionally vulnerable and so afraid of getting hurt. It’s when you refuse to settle down when it’s time to because you’re not done having fun.

Self-sabotage is also when you get really excited about a business project, but after the initial excitement has passed, you allow it to fizzle out without following through. You start fun projects but never finish them. You dream that this project is what will turn your situation around for the better, yet you never take action.

You put things off things, knowing very well that they’re very important things that need to be done like now! You forget important deadlines or fail to prepare for an interview.

Self-sabotage is when a person is consistently late for work because they insist on staying up late playing call of duty, knowing very well they struggle to wake up in the mornings.

The sad thing about self-sabotage is that no one closes the doors in your face. You close your own doors so you can’t get in. You shut the door locked and you stand outside wondering why the people inside won’t open it for you. They may even open it for you, but you stand back and watch it close again.

There are many reasons people self-sabotage. You may self-sabotage because you worry you aren’t qualified or prepared for the things you want to achieve. You may do it because you’re afraid. You may sabotage yourself because you fear success, so you engage in behaviors that limit your chances of succeeding.

Others do it simply because they aren't yet in their power. Like I did.

To stop self-sabotage, you must first become mindful of it and understand why you do it. If you don't know you do it, you can’t work to stop it.

For me, I kept going back to guys who hurt me because I was a lonely girl and I needed someone to make me feel less lonely.

It was only when I understood my need to self-sabotage that I was able to do other things that filled that need. When I was starting to feel lonely, instead of texting the guy, I’d text a friend who knew how to empower me. When I got that need met in a different way, I was able to stop running back to the same fire that burnt me.

Once you have a clear understanding of why you self-sabotage, you can think of alternate ways to fill that need in a way that doesn’t slow your growth or delay your healing.

But sometimes, no matter how well I strategized, it was emotionally hard. I loved the heat and I really needed to go close to the fire for warmth.

Sometimes the heart wants what it wants.

You stay up late watching Lucifer on Netflix when you know you have to wake up early. You say “Yolo” and you eat all the chocolate knowing it’s all going into your thighs.

To stop self-sabotage, you must first become mindful of it and understand why you do it. If you don’t know you do it, you can’t work to stop it.

No matter how well you try to do the right things, it gets hard sometimes, but that's a decision you must make. Do you need your job or can you afford to lose it? How bad do you want those pounds off of you?

To break old habits and form new ones, we must learn to tolerate discomfort. You must learn to resist the chocolate or the urge to watch another episode. Sure, you really miss him or her, but you can try to fall asleep and that feeling may be gone when you wake up.

Other times, it's just a matter of who you think you are or are not. I had to figure out who I really was.

Was I this desperate girl who allowed men to treat me like I was nothing? I decided no; I wasn't. I was more than that. I was a damn good woman and if a man couldn't see my worth, then it was his loss.

I took my power back, walked away, and never looked back.

Taking my power back required letting him go and healing all the hurt. Once I healed myself, learned who I really was, and focused on doing the work I came here to do, it became very clear to me why certain people couldn't come along on my journey.

I understood why certain relationships were never going to work out, no matter how bad I wanted them to.

Self-sabotage, if not noticed, can hold you back from living the life you came here to live. It can prevent you from becoming the person you know in your heart you can be.

Self-sabotage can hold your dreams behind a door you closed.

But like everything, you can break the habit. You can learn to move out of your own way and allow your life to progress the way it’s meant to. You can learn who you are and say you deserve better.

You can learn to spot opportunities and jump on them instead of sitting back and watching the door close in your face.