RELATIONSHIPS

Marriage Is A Verb

Which verb will you choose to describe yours?

Marriage is a verb.

It’s not a noun. It’s not a thing. It’s not a box we check. It’s not a one-day event we excitedly plan for and never think about again.

Marriage is an action. An ongoing action. And like any action, if we want to be good at it, we’ll need to practice.

We’ll need to practice communication. We’ll need to practice appreciation. We’ll need to practice understanding, patience, and listening.

So if marriage is a verb that requires all that practice, which verb will you choose to describe yours?

Will you choose the verb ‘work’?

More often than not, the verb we choose to describe marriage is ‘work’ along with the adverb ‘hard’.

As in marriage is hard work.

Isn’t it interesting that ‘work’ is the verb we use most often? As if marriage is a job. A drudgery. Like it’s something we have to drag ourselves out of bed to do. Something we have to grin and bear.

And when we choose the verb work, then the practice also feels like work. It makes the whole marriage thing feel heavy and dull. It makes marriage feel like a drag.

Will you choose the verb ‘play’?

If we’re going to use a verb to describe marriage, how about we choose the verb ‘play’? Shouldn’t marriage be a joyful act we get to do with the person we’re sharing our lives with? Something we do willingly? Something that makes us wake up grinning? Something fun?

And if marriage requires practice, why not make it fun? The best coaches know how to turn practice into play. Doing so makes it much more enjoyable. It keeps the whole thing lighter and brighter.

Will you choose the verb ‘dance’?

Or how about the verb ‘dance’? Doesn’t that sound like a great verb for our marriage? We can also include the word intimate.

As in marriage is an intimate dance.

(Okay, yeah. I know in that sentence ‘dance’ is a noun. But it’s something we’re doing so please humor me here and let’s call it a verb.)

Where was I? Oh yeah.

Marriage is an intimate dance.

And if we choose to make it an intimate dance, it can’t be a line dance. When we’re line dancing, we may be doing the same steps but there’s no connection. Line dancing can also be done alone. Marriage certainly isn’t something to be done alone.

And really, who wants to be doing the “Achy Breaky Heart” in their marriage?

I know I don’t.

So if we choose the verb ‘dance’, then the dance needs to be a tango.

When we tango, there’s a connection. There’s passion. There’s eye contact. There’s energy.

At times, we may be doing different moves, but we always stay connected. If one partner missteps, the other partner adjusts. We get our flow back.

The music may change. Maybe we learn new moves. But the dance always continues. Doesn’t tangoing sound like a great verb to describe marriage?

Will you choose the verb ‘love’?

But I think the best verb to choose to describe marriage is ‘love’. Isn’t that what marriage is supposed to be anyway? The word ‘hard’ could even be added, but this time I’d add it after the verb.

As in marriage is loving hard.

Marriage is loving even when it's hard.

It’s loving big. It’s loving strong. It’s loving each other like this whole marriage thing could fall apart at any given moment because it most certainly could.

It’s loving hard even when you don’t feel like dancing or playing let alone working. It’s loving hard even when you don’t feel like loving at all.

Loving hard is a choice we make every day. Loving hard takes practice. Loving hard is something we must do while taking part in this playful intimate dance we call marriage.

So if marriage is a verb, which will you choose for yours? Will it be more than one?

This is your life. This is your marriage.

Choose your verbs wisely.

kasey sparks, © 2021

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