FROM THE BEYOND

Luna Fortuna Seeks Wisdom

In search of my dead cat

I won’t go into my backyard anymore, and this is a problem.

The deer is the one who prevents me. She is the one who stopped and didn’t move. She looked at me. She peered at me. Did she leer at me? It was hard to tell, but I bet you.

She is a deer who leers, perhaps, but peers.

She creeped the life out of me. She stood and stood. She watched. Peered. She had this much regard for the hysterical shoo-shoo dance I did in a desperate circle around her:

This much → ZERO.

Do you know what that means? She claimed dominion. She’s the rightful owner of my yard now and she probably wants me out of here, displaced — or disgraced — I just know it.

She’s so creepy.

I must discuss this with my dead cat who lives in the backyard under a nice memorial rock. She will be able to tell all and advise, bring me down off the ledge. I want to move to another house that is too far for Miss Creepy to find — and I might. But let’s see what Mama Cat has to say. She will speak to me through my medium. This will be good.

My medium [not Medium, dummy] is a soothsayer by trade but she will chat with the dead for a special fee. It’s an extremely good deal. Her name is Luna. Luna Fortuna. She resembles a cat, too. I will call her now.

[Phone rings. There is speaking. Luna to arrive by yacht in three short days. Nothing happens in the yard. Deer has gone missing. Luna Fortuna arrives.]

LUNA: Hello child. Let us sit in tranquility. Now, for what have we here, child? Is it a curious one who wants to fathom the bad deer, who wants the advice of the dead cat? Yes? Well now, the curious one is to be FOREWARNED. Tread very lightly, little one. For where we now enter is a serious place. Pray tell, can you open your imagination and begin with me? Let’s begin.

[silence]

LUNA: Ah yes. For here is the energy approaching me. I am feeling it — now seeing. What I see is a blurry place with questions hanging off the surface. Who knows what this is for? I am questioning. May I ask the Spirits to enlighten me, pray tell? Spirits, are you here to enlighten? We are in the dark and wanting of your light. Luna Fortuna listens.

[silence]

LUNA: I see, my Spirits, what you show me. I see. Mmm. Okay. Very well. You have enlightened. My grace is yours.

My child, what we have here are many questions answered about the surface off which they hang. The surface is the deer, but the deer is not the bad one. The questions are leading me to you, child. Why would that be?

Spirits, in your earnest wisdom, can you enlighten me? Why is my child here so in question?

Ooohhh. I see. I see.

Child, I am getting a very clear calling from the beyond. This spirit is small. Like a single letter within a novel. Or a penny among Elon Musk’s bank account. Maybe I’m getting a hint of flea? Do you know a flea?

ME: A flea? No. I’m confused. Don’t you see my cat?

LUNA: Settle, child. Concentrate. Have you known a fly perhaps? A gnat? Wait. Hush. I’m getting energy, feeling a pulse. It’s small. Yes. It’s saying, “You squashed me, you — ” Oh, now. It’s using unkind language. I can’t repeat. Luna Fortuna is a professional. I see this spirit is angered by you. What can you tell me, child? Concentrate.

ME: I — I don’t know. I have squashed bugs. Is an insect speaking to you? Seriously?

LUNA: Spirits are always serious, my child.

ME: Obviously I’ve squashed bugs. Can you tell the Spirit I’m sorry so we can move on? Tell it: Stephanie is sorry, and does it know my cat?

LUNA: Patience, child. We will find your cat. First, the gatekeeper to our journey is revealed as a small one who is angered. You must make amends for our entry. Are you ready to make amends?

ME: I thought I just did! Argh. I’m SORRY, bug, that I squashed you.

[silence]

ME: Did it work? Are we in?

LUNA: [holding up hand]

[silence]

LUNA: Now, my Spirits, we come in peace. We only ask that you show us the answers we seek. We are asking about the cat, the Mama cat, for she will know the answers to the deer who perplexes us in the living. Can you guide us, dear Spirits? [bows head] We are humbled.

[silence]

LUNA: I am feeling energy, but a new spirit energy. It is much larger, and it is — furry. I feel a fur type of wisdom descending. It is a tickle. I’m receiving a tickle. [giggles]

ME: Luna Fortuna, is it my Mama cat?

LUNA: I see — I see larger wisdom here. A black and gray presence. Who are you, Spirit? Are you Mama?

[silence]

ME: I think it’s Mama!

LUNA: It isn’t Mama. It is The Great One of The Raccoons, it tells me. We are to call it Flattened One.

Flattened One, why are you here? What have you to tell us?

[silence]

LUNA: Oh now, Flattened is showing me his anger at you too, child. What have you done to disturb such a delicate spirit?

ME: Is this for real?

LUNA: This is as real as the netherworld can be, child. Pray tell, what have you done? Please reveal to begin reparations with the spirit world. You must make amends for us to proceed. He who is flattened is telling me you took photos. Of his death being. Did you, child? Did you take photos of his death being?

ME: Are you talking about the dead raccoon on the road I took photos of back in the April? I took them so I could draw a raccoon better. Maybe it’s weird. I could agree with that.

LUNA: Flattened is a very delicate soul. You have offended him with your prying and inappropriate ways. How shall you make amends?

ME: Oh, for goodness sake. Can you tell him that I drew him so the world can celebrate his delicate soul? Try that.

LUNA: This is good, child. I think it will work.

Flattened One, can you forgive the living world as it celebrates your legacy? We come in peace. We are looking for Mama cat. Do you know of her? She is of the backyard spirits and knows its sphere — living and dead. We seek answers to the deer who stands for a long time and stares. Why is this, we want to know. Fortuna listens.

[long silence]

LUNA: My child, I have inconvenient news to pass to you. Flattened One has spoken. Your Mama cat is in her nap period. This can take some time, child. In the netherworld, there is extra napping for the Spirits. It is needed, see. Shall we wait for Mama? Or ask Flattened One about the bad deer? You must advise, child.

ME: [dejected sigh] I don’t know. I’ve run out of ideas. Does Flattened know why the deer stands and stares? It’s unnerving.

LUNA: Luna Fortuna shall ask.

Flattened One, do you know why the deer stands and stares? It is a curiosity that unnerves the living world. What say you, kind and delicate Spirit?

[silence]

The question has been answered, my child. I can enlighten. May you find peace with what I’m about to reveal, as shared by the delicate one. The answer is this. The bad deer takes her time to understand you, child, as you take a long time to understand. Perhaps you should not be so intriguing. Can you embody the tiresome? These are questions for you to seek answers to. May the wisdom find you and set you on a straightforward path to the light.

There now. Our time is complete. Luna Fortuna will take her leave. She will send the invoice for the enlightenment, to be revealed in an email. You will see. Goodbye, my child.

Today Fortuna’s invoice arrived with its unearthly pricing — as did the deer with her unnerving stare. I sat at my window and opened PayPal. I stared through the glass at the beast, but in a tiresome way — like a yawn or a politician.

Just then, the deer looked to the side and walked off.

What is this?

There’s only one thing this is. Enlightenment. Through the revelation of the spirit world, Fortuna’s gifts, and my PayPal account I have made peace with the creepy one.

In the meantime, Mama cat naps.

___________________________________________________________________

Thank you, Toni Crowe, for helping me with this story. I appreciate it.

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