SOCIAL
Learning To Actively Listen
It’s time to take listening to the next level!
At this time last year, I was in the throes of two different voluntary commitments, one with the national crisis line, and the second, with an online e-counselling hub.
Between the two, I had to communicate effectively with people in need of immediate mental health support. The crisis line was more short-term, where you would have no way of knowing if the person followed through on their plans to better themselves.
Each time this person picked up the phone, there might likely be another person on the other end of the line and each time you picked up a call, there would always be a new person to tend to.
The only solace you could take was that you were there for that person during that moment of crisis. You took them from a hot moment into a cool moment and could pride yourself on having tried your hardest.
On the other service, the e-counselling hub, things were more long-term. Rapport was established with clients, but boundaries had to be maintained to ensure that the person eventually sought out more professional or advanced support.
Active on the crisis line
On the crisis line, I still maintain favourable reviews from clients. On the e-counselling site, I still have a five-star rating — which still surprises me. Between the two, the one thing that was consistent was that a lot of active listening was employed.
In real life, active listening is more than just speaking in a positive way. It’s communicating in ways that allow others to feel validated, whether it is our friends, family, relatives, and so much more.
We do active listening a lot, whether it is:
- Just listening intently
- Reflecting back
- Paraphrasing overwhelming constructs
- Being non-judgmental
- Not giving direct advice
When we talk with others, we have a tendency to want to over-share. We sometimes like to regale stories of similar tragedies, but all it does is make the other person feel like their problems are inconsequential to yours — so they close themselves, and never tell you about the topic again.
Instead, active listening means droning out a lot of noise, keeping ourselves super attentive to the person, and not letting distractions carry us away. When we actively listen, we cannot be multi-tasking, like watching the TV and texting. It makes the other person feel that they are not worth your time.
It’s also not easy to maintain an active listening stance either. For example, a lot of us are somewhat judgmental over a variety of topics and we sometimes have a tendency to want to provide some explicit advice. If someone does something that you do not agree with, some of us also have a tendency to enter the conversation and try to insert our own narratives. That’s not helpful either, as tempting as it is to do.
Active listening is beneficial
In the process of active listening, the point is to sit back, relax, and be mindful of these differences, but not act upon them. We can embody a variety of non-verbal cues, whether it is nodding, leaning back, mirroring, and so much more.
We become the sounding board for the person, where they can bounce ideas off of you without having to worry about being harmed. Plus, you get the added bonus of having someone that wants to talk to you for longer periods of time.
I feel that a lot of people can benefit from active listening, especially families, individuals, and couples. For example, a couple might argue because of communication differences, but a bit of active listening might go a long way in allowing both parties to reach a healthy compromise.
Overall, active listening is great and I wish more people would be willing to immerse themselves with it. As Zero Dean once wrote,
“Not everyone with a problem needs you to solve it. Sometimes all a person needs is to feel like they’ve been heard. Listening without judging can be more effective than injecting your opinions or trying to solve a problem that doesn’t have an easy answer.”
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