Leading a more deliberate life
Want to be happier in life, love, or your career? Be more deliberate.
by: E.B. Johnson
Deliberate living is one of the best ways to change the course of our lives. When we live deliberately, we allow ourselves to align our values and passions and exist more authentically within the world. Do you want happier relationships? Better career opportunities? A life that brings you joy when you wake up? Now is the moment to get everything you want intentionally and with an eye to creating a future that’s entirely yours.
Why a deliberate life matters.
To live deliberately means to live in state of awareness. You’re aware of your needs, and you’re aware of the way you interact with your environment. Because you hold this awareness, you’re able to stand up for yourself, live in alignment with your boundaries, and create more fulfilling existences all around. Someone who lives deliberately prioritizes their inner peace and does everything they can to live a life that brings them that.
Elevated relationships
Living deliberately elevates our relationships in untold ways. Once you fall into step with your authenticity, you’ll stop settling for insincere and unloving people. This raises the bar on the kinds of relationships you’re willing to entertain. Instead of putting up with someone who upsets you, you’ll seek out partners who want the best for you (and celebrate you as you are).
Heightened sense of self
Who are you? What do you want most from your life? What do you see when you envision the future? Living deliberately requires that you have the answer to all these things. You have to know who you are and what you want in order to go after it effectively. It’s a bit like drawing a map before you head out on a journey. You have to know where you are in order to know where you’re going. That’s why being deliberate in your living can heighten your sense of self.
Fulfilling careers
If you’re still looking for some fulfillment in the land of careers, then deliberate living can also provide the clarity that you need. It’s all about creating a life that’s defined on your terms. That means working in way that makes you happy. There is a way to earn money and also follow our passions and our purpose. It’s up to us, however, to put those puzzle pieces together and figure it out for our ultimate happiness and fulfillment.
More passionate living
Deliberate living is nothing if not a catalyst for passionate living. It’s inherent. To live deliberately is to live in-line with your truths and the things that light you up from the inside out. When you make intentional steps to determine your future, it drives you into your interests and your general purpose in your life. Again, this elevates the relationships we attract, the opportunities that come into our lives, and even the engagement and investment we feel in the world.
Big picture viewpoint
Perhaps the greatest gift a deliberate life gives us is an expanded viewpoint. When you live deliberately, you start to see the bigger picture. You see how your emotions tie into the experience you’re living. You see how your emotions affect others, and how other affect you. In a sense, you become more aware of the full tapestry of life. Deliberate living will change the way you see the world around you. Once you see it, your view of reality will shift forever.
How to live more deliberately.
Do you want to find a greater alignment with the world at large? Do you want to feel better about who you are and the future that you’re building? To live deliberately, you have to shift your state of mind and thin out the draining relationships and experiences in your life. Look for new experiences. Redefine your boundaries. A deliberate life is one we define for ourselves. Find the courage to be happy on your own terms.
1. Shift your state of mind
The first step in creating a deliberate life is shifting the way you think. A lot of us never stick our heads up above the crowd long enough to consider who we are. So we stay stuck in the same old patterns and beliefs that hold us back and keep us small. Instead of seeing life as something to be passed through and “survived” — we have to shift ourselves to a thriving mindset. Change the way you think about your life and your ability to control and manifest it.
Shift your state of mind and intentionally change the way you see yourself and the world around you. Focus on building up an undeniable sense of self-esteem and higher-level thinking. Believe in the things that you want and know that you have an inherent right to thrive in this world.
You can decide what your future looks like. You can decide what your relationships look like and how you feel about yourself. All of that is based around how much you love yourself, though. You have to want the best for your life; the best for your mental and emotional wellbeing. You’re the only person who can define that (and make the choice to pursue it). Change the way you think. Fall in love with your body and your mind. Believe in yourself and celebrate your strengths, your passions, and all the love in your life.
2. Thin out the chaff
You’re never going to create a life that’s entirely your own when you keep filling it up with people and experiences that tear you down. If you’re serious about creating a life that is deliberate, then you have to thin out the negativity in your life. That’s hard work, and it’s going to make you uncomfortable. On the other side of this, however, you’ll discover an entirely new life that’s filled with love, joy, and a simplicity you never imagined.
Thin out the chaff in your life. Scale back on unfulfilling relationships and people who leave you feeling drained, negative, and unhappy with yourself or your life. Feeling drained and destroyed by your job? Now is the moment to make plans to change it.
We can lead happy lives when we’re surrounded by unhappy circumstances. No matter how long it takes, no matter how much work you have to put in, you’ve got to change the physical and material circumstances of your life. That’s what living deliberately is. You’ve got to cut out all those parts of self that are not truly aligned with the hopes you have for your future. Focus on bringing only the good into your life. Good people, good opportunities, and experiences which make your heart feel full and joyful.
3. Look for new experiences
There’s no denying the power that new experiences have on our lives. When we break out of the rut that we’re in and start to branch out into the world, we discover new facets of ourselves and our personalities that enhance the way we feel and perceive. As humans, we’re endlessly creative and social. Getting out into the world, meeting new people, it’s all a part of our natural needs. We empower ourselves when we understand these needs and seek to feed our interests and natural curiosity.
Get out into the world and look for new experiences. Take yourself out of the rut and find out who you are in a very practical way. Find new passions, pastimes, and people that allow you to expand your perception of self. How do you know fully how you are until you fully explore the world around you?
Deliberately living requires that we engage with the world. It requires that we get out and experience the things that can fill us up from the inside out. Tap back into that sense of spontaneity. Take a new class. Look for a community interest group. Go on a blind date with friends. Travel solo somewhere new. There’s no end to the experiences we can have when we open ourselves up to them. That’s how we expand the way we see ourselves and discover new skills and passions that bring about transformation.
4. Define your boundaries
Boundaries are such a crucial part of creating a self-defined life, but so many of us fail to set boundaries appropriately. Our boundaries are the way by which we tell the world how we want to be treated. When you set boundaries, you communicate what you expect to your friends and family. It’s hard to do that, though, when you don’t feel as though you have a right to design a life that’s entirely fitted to your making.
Define your boundaries and communicate them openly. You have a right to draw a line around your happiness. You have a right to enforce those lines when someone is disrespectful of them. Say “no” more often and learn how to stand up for yourself when someone crosses the line or pushes you.
The trick to setting better boundaries is by looking first at what means the most to you. How do you want to be treated by the people around? How do you want them to see you and interact with you? Remember, boundaries help communicate your expectations. We all have them. Tell people what you want and don’t want from them. Let them know that crossing the line will cause losing access to you and your support.
5. Align with your purpose
What is your purpose in this life? What makes your heart sing? What makes you happy to get up in the morning? These things are a part of our purpose. Our purpose is our ultimate calling in this life. It makes us happy, and it makes us feel as though we are valued and an invested part of the world. We all need a purpose, whether that’s making key chains, raising a family, or leading a Fortune-500 company. Once you find that purpose, the rest will open up for you.
There is no deliberate living without defining your purpose in this life. Beyond that, you have to follow it in everything that you do. You should feel good in the work that you do and the free time that you spend. All of it should nourish your inner world. Who do you want to be in this life? What drives you to get up in the morning?
Our purpose should always come with passion. It should spark our creativity and motivate us to act. If you’re intrinsically motivated by your passion — it’s not a passion, it’s an interest. True purpose is a calling. When you do it, you know in your bones that you’re meant to be there in that moment. It’s the pinnacle of self-knowing. Once you know your purpose in life, you can create a path and find the people and opportunities that align with your truth. Want to have a life that’s intentional and self-defined? Figure out your purpose.
Putting it all together…
We all seem to be in search of a happy life, but too many of us think that we will get it by following the dreams and desires of others. That’s not how we find happiness. Deliberate living is the best way to get where we want to be. When we live deliberately, we align with our greater meaning in this world. And having meaning can be a superpower in creating a future worth working toward.
Shift your state of mind and start seeing your reality as a thing of your making. You don’t have to take direction from anyone else. You have a right to live in your truth. Thin out the chaff and get rid of the relationships and situations that are no longer serving your higher purpose. Look for new experiences that can help you widen your world and your sense of self. Re-define your boundaries. You’re allowed to say “no” and walk away from the people, places, and things that no longer provide you with fulfillment, love, and support. Above all else, though, align with the greater meaning in your life. Why were you put here? What do you want to do with the time and energy that you have? When you find a way to live within your meaning, you will unlock the power to manifest the life of your dreams.
- Thomas, W. (2010). Thoreau’s Seven Principles for Living Deliberately. The Thoreau Society Bulletin, (272), 4–6. Retrieved June 7, 2021, from http://www.jstor.org/stable/23402824
