Ladies, You Can’t “Have It All” at the Same Time

At some point, you have to let go of your illusion of what’s desirable.

My boyfriend and I went on a two-day love trip to Mexico. He’s fun, sexy as hell. A bit rough on the edges. When he speaks, you can feel your breath being swept away.

I liked him from the point he said, “hey, girl!” I knew I wanted to feel his skin, to moan beneath his torso.

I wanted to feel intoxicated by his kiss. His warmth, like a cave, wraps my feisty clitoris.

And guess what, I got what I wanted. He is the perfection of erotic. He knows how to make me wild. How to make me long for his embrace.

But he is not reliable. He has no education, no career, and no dream. He’s not ambitious at all. He isn’t rich, but he does get by with the little he has.

We are sexually compatible. The chemistry is there, but every other thing on my checklist was missing.

If he had at least checked my list in ambition, loyalty, and stability, maybe, just maybe, I would have given him a pass. But instead, we stayed friends with benefits.

Love doesn’t come easy. Some people are lucky to experience it once in a lifetime.

I’m one of those who have been lucky enough to fall in love more than twice, yet, I let them go.

There is always something off when you think you have found that perfect someone.

But is the problem me or them?

Surely, they weren’t perfect. They had their flaws. Sometimes, it is more of minor issues I could have overlooked or something I just could have compromised.

The idea that I will only settle when I find a man embodied with all, I mean “ALL,” the qualities I need in a man, has made me unflinching and picky. It sounds pathetic to even write about it.

I have groomed myself to not settle for anything less than I deserve.

But the problem is what I desire cannot be found in one person, at least not in a human.

My desirable type of man should be loyal, respectful, reliable, understanding, romantic, handsome, selfless, ambitious, tall, and fair-skinned. Precisely, in order of priority.

If any quality is missing from my list, that stands as a red flag. And if you were wondering why most independent women are single, there is your answer.

It’s okay to make a list of what you want in a man — a guide to know if you are with the right person.

But what happens when you don’t meet someone who checks all list?

You end up miserable — with the hope, tomorrow will be the day your night in shiny amour will come to rescue you.

Women want it all in one man. A delusion most people are yet to wake from.

My conversation with a close buddy made me realize how different a man’s world is from women.

For men, if the woman they love ticks just one prerequisite on their dating list, they comfortably settle with her. And no, it’s not because they can get the rest of the qualities from other women.

I have seen men stuck in terrible relationships, the type I won’t even dare to be in for two weeks.

Still, he stays with her, loving her for the one reason that attracted her to him.

It’s true when you hear men have zero brains and women have six brains.

Men are not as complex as women. They focus their mind and energy on one thing at a time. That’s why they suck at multi-tasking.

Apparently, that’s also what makes most men dependable. The fact that you can count on him to come through when you need him to.

Sometimes I wonder what it will be like to live as a man for a day. To be able to do what I want without fear of judgment.

To relinquish the pressure of being humble to a fault. To choose when I want to be a father without worrying about menopause.

To pursue a career in any field without worrying about my safety.

To be a man is to live with no boundaries.

Of course, men do have their resentments about masculinity as well. But I find a man’s world more appealing whenever I think of how complex women are by nature.

But since I cannot be a man. I have accepted my reality that I can’t have everything I need in one man.

I’m choosing to let go of social expectations of ideal relationships.

I’m choosing to have everything I want from different men at different stages of my life.

And I’m proud of doing as I please without hurting anyone in the process.

I think true freedom is about living each day without fears. The world may not be a safe place, but my love life is safe and secured.

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