3 Tricks To Turn A Boring Self Sex to An Ego Boost
A dive into my mental sex journey.
No date? Boring sex? Feeling cranky? I get it! Being there and it ain’t pretty until you give it up. After a long time not being intimate with someone, I feel edgy most of the times. The cravings are becoming unbearable. I’m lying faced up and wondering what it would feel like to be in an intimate relationship again. Would I enjoy sex as much as I used to do? Can I still remember to put a penis where it goes?
A dry spell can shake a girls confidence. I’m seriously terrified of hooking up after being voluntarily celibate for over 4 years. While some say having sex is like riding a bike. You never forget your moves. I bet to disagree. I say sex is more like a dance. You remember your moves at some level but you look clumsy AF once you pick it up after staying away from practice for a while.
Having a long dry spell is like becoming a virgin again. You get intimidated by the sight of a real penis. You wonder if it will hurt. Let face it, dildos are soft and gentle because we choose the rhythm and intensity of the push. I love wild sex. The feeling is euphoric. But having another person ride me is what gets me insecure and anxious.
The first half of the year were banal. I was buried in work. I was more focused on getting the next project done. Evaluating and executing new strategies to promote my fashion store. I replaced all that energy I had for sex and relationships with work. It felt good and exhilarating for the most part until I started to get depressed. I would complain about every bit of mistake from my staffs. Replaying a meeting that went wrong in my head or thinking about reasons why I can’t quit working harder. The pressure started to take a turn on not just my mental health but also on my physical health. My body got weary. I lost touch with my glow.
That’s when I realized I had to do something. I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship or to deal with annoying men’s ego weighing me down any further. So I opted for the alternative, self-gratifying sex. I read an article that said orgasm can boost your mental health as well as your self-esteem by increasing our serotonin and oxytocin level. Magnificent! The idea sounded perfect. So having an orgasm was all I needed to get my swag back.
But how do I do that? I can’t just start masturbating myself without the ding ding and boom, I climax! No, I needed to be intimate with my brain first and that was where my mental sex journey began.
Good sex is about the connection
How often do you think about the brain when you’re turned on or think about sexy body parts? Our brain is a warehouse for all our sex activities. Starting from the hot, intense, loving, kinky to orgasm and even post-sex cuddling.
Most popular sex content or magazines will tell us “Let the man take the lead” or suggest ways to make sex passionate, last longer, and various erotic positions to achieve this result, but all of these wouldn’t be possible without a connection with our brain.
Our brain takes in sexual information quickly. It’s no surprise that people are seeking sex education to help them feel whole and interconnected. All it takes is two seconds for a man to register that a woman in a swimsuit photo is desirable or not. Also, let’s take porn, for example, our brains process sexual stimuli through smell, taste, smell, touch or hearing.
Our body responds to the way we think, feel and act. When you feel anxious, depressed, stressed, or lonely try any of the relaxation exercises- meditation, yoga, listening to music works a great deal in connecting your body and mind. Bottom line, if you want good sex, you need a good brain.
Pay attention to what you eat
Let’s be real, it takes more than a four-minute Marvin Gaye song to create arousal. We need to eat proper food to increase our libido. Food is an important part of our everyday life and overall health. Changing your eating habit can be the cure to your boring sex life. A good diet can boost your libido by increasing blood flow to your erectile body parts. It can also boost your mood and energy level to foster a healthy sexual relationship.
Green veggies like spinach are rich in magnesium, a mineral that increases blood flow. Increased blood flow to the penis and clitoris, like viagra, can boost arousal and make sex more pleasurable. Women will find it easier to have an orgasm, and men will find that erections come more naturally if they consume more green vegetables.
Sexual fantasies create a deeper connection
Even if you don’t know you’re kinky, your brain does. When it comes to arousal and orgasm, our brains deserve more credit than they get. Sexual fantasies allow us to explore our sexualities in a safe way — our imaginations. Solo pleasure is pretty fantastic. I spend a lot of time thinking about different wild and crazy sex positions and fondling myself as I try out each session. It’s amusing as well as refreshing.
Think about having sex with a hot stranger in a jail cell. Just imagine the tension of being caught, pushing me up against a wall, holding me down till I surrender, feeling each stroke as it pierces through my skin, our revealing bodies entwined as passion envelopes our imagination. Whoops! How I would love to explore the toxication of a burning masculine hard on. Maybe, give him a go with a vibrator while his hands are tied or chained. This is something I have been fantasizing about for years.
It’s okay if your mind wanders through these sexual fantasies once in a while. These imaginations can boost your self-esteem since you don’t need someone judging your performance and tearing down your spirit when you don’t give them their version of good sex. Using our imagination is something that can be honed. Like they say practice makes perfect. Now would be a great time to start practising.
Final words
Being in a new relationship after a long time without a sex partner can make us feel anxious and intimidated. We worry about our attractiveness, our shape, weight or size. This mindset gets us rattled and disconnected both from our bodies and the pleasure, fun of good sex. Whenever you get this feeling, remember to breathe deeply and if need be take it slow. Pay attention to how you feel rather than how perfect you appear to be.
Solo sex has been proven to improve self-confidence. Reacquainting yourself with your body with these tricks I mentioned will help you gain confidence when you’re ready to be with someone else. Also, higher self-esteem ensures more satisfying sex. More sex lowers the stress hormone, which means more peace of mind, calmer, and frenzied you.
