Know Your Enemy and Avoid

The Story They Don’t Want Discussed — An Introduction to the Confusing and Bizarre Thinking Patterns of the Narcissist and What they Are Seeking

BEFORE CHARISMA

Keen and observant, yet distant and calm, a narcissist (characterized by lack of empathy, grandiosity, need for admiration, and operates with entitlement), moves forward with a tranquil demeanor.

They listen, watch and calculate their next move.

A narcissist is aware of their own behavior, they know their quirks and their need for dependence.

THE SEARCH BEGINS

They search for the right one who can handle them or, the right ones, many sources, plural.

Their main objective is to find the right talented individual, who is caring, kind, and sympathetic enough to put others first, before their own needs.

They don’t necessarily care if they are generally observant, just observant to them, and have the capability to be able to predict behavior — this is perfect.

THEIR DEFAULT SWITCH IS ALWAYS ON

They are on the hunt, the prowl to locate a gifted and promising individual, who may pose a challenge, yet provide a high payoff in return.

A narcissist needs someone who will cater to them, first. Beyond their own needs.

THE STAGE IS SET

At first, the narcissist will appear with charm, charisma, whatever is needed at the time, to draw in their target. Is it creepy, absolutely, but it’s done with such style, the appearance of warmth, and butterflies, it goes undetected.

Wonderful words of affirmation will fly off the cuff, and their target will be wooed in and will feel all the giggles, sparkles, and euphoria that comes with staged love-bombing.

THE DOOR IS OPENED

But what are they really after?

A NARCISSIST SEEKS 6 THINGS FROM YOU

A narcissist seeks supply, and attention in any way, shape, or form for sustenance to live. It’s like the air they breathe.

The narcissist searches and seeks for this survival sustenance (supply), reaching in all directions to accomplish this task at whatever cost.

Learning what a narcissist needs and how they obtain it is essential to detect a narcissist in our life.

Once we can detect and narrow our focus and get clarity, we can take steps to heal and make decisions on how to move forward after the abuse.

UNDYING DEVOTION AND TRUST

A narcissist will share stories from their past, all for you to gain respect, trust, and admiration in exchange for your relentless allegiance. They need you to be on “their side” to the eventual cost of your personal goals and aspirations.

They need to know they come first, and everything else in your life does not measure up to their objectives and agenda. They seek you to defend them, even if they are wrong with absolute unwavering devotion.

They want this extreme devotion to pale in comparison with every other priority in your life.

They are seeking to be worshiped.

CONSTANT ADMIRATION

A narcissist needs to be cherished, honored and respected as the ultimate authority and know-all in your life.

Once a narcissist believes you trust them, they will take this to the next level and will seek out admiration, constant praise, attention, and approval, for you to go along with them.

They need your commitment and genuine belief in them and in their mission.

POWER AND CONTROL

A narcissist needs to overpower you, wear you down to decrease your strength emotionally, physically, relationally, financially–all of it, different angles all at the same time so that you will need them more and more.

They are trying to build a constant “reserve” system to feed them supply. They need this notion that they are powerful and in control to feed their ego and grant them self-worth.

VALUE AND IMPORTANCE

A narcissist is looking to have merit, value, and be adept at something. If it’s being adept at controlling you, that breeds value into their life. They will tell stories to inflate themselves and their importance to provide support for their fragile ego.

REACTION

After a narcissist emotionally abuses or takes advantage of you in some way, a narcissist is looking for your strong reaction to their abuse.

They receive glory from it on the inside that they have been powerful enough to cause you distress.

At the same time, when you do react, they will use it against you and will seek further supply for them.

SILENCE

A narcissist will try to control you by teaching you to be silent. If and when you choose to speak out and share the real story of abuse, the narcissist will penalize you heavily for this.

They will turn your voice seeking help and clarification on the relationship back around on you and will pull out all the strings to defame you.

They will teach you not to speak out again, or there will be hell to pay. They want you silent so you can be controlled.

It is all about narcissistic supply. It’s the air they breathe. Everything is about this, one way or another.

Learning what a narcissist needs to survive can be eye-opening and can shape a new beginning to recognize abusive behaviors to allow the truth of the matter to shine forth.

Are there people out there that actually live and think like this?

Yes.

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Originally published at https://www.movingforwardafterabuse.com on March 7, 2020.