Love-Bombing: The Subtle Insult

What is Really Transpiring When It Occurs

Love bombing can make a person feel like crud, but not at first. The initial reaction of love bombing within an undetected narcissistic relationship can equate to a positive interaction — until it’s recognized, and the underbelly is exposed as to what is really occurring beneath the seams.

In this article, we are going to open the gates on why love bombing is effective at first, why it’s hard to detect, and what is really transpiring when a love bomb happens.

Let’s go.

WHAT IS LOVE-BOMBING?

Love-bombing is the use of insincere words to flatter another. It’s the first cycle in the cycle of abuse followed by the Devalue and Discard. The narcissist often reverts to using this tactic in various statuses/stages of the relationship.

A narcissist will revert to love bombing to lure in their target initially and is often used throughout the relationship if tactics are exposed to distract the victim and to shift the focus of a conversation.

Too, the narcissist receives supply from the love bomb which is attention and a reaction from their target — whether it’s good attention or bad.

Note: In this article feel free to use the words target or victim interchangeably. There is a time when the victim/target is such; but when they start to see the tactics play out and make changes, they move into a survivor.

THE DELIVERY OF THE LOVE BOMB

The narcissist often has a keen delivery, but every narcissist’s style of delivery is not the same. Love bombing may be spoken lightheartedly by the narcissist giving the impression it is without merit yet, the words spoken are ‘compliments’ and are intended to carry weight, for a time. Right off the bat, it’s confusing and yet deliberate.

The narcissist may have chosen to have the impression they spoke frivolously, and it may have been because it was just mere words to win over the attention from the other party.

Without getting into the delivery of the love bomb in too much detail, know that the delivery of it is manipulative as well as the actual words spoken. The love bomb, while it sounds good with the naked eye, it’s full of flattery, is insincere, and is surface level,

Now, while the love bomb may have been delivered in an obscure manner, it’s also the intention behind it, which is detrimental to our mental health that often goes overlooked. Let’s take a look at why the love bomb is effective, at first.

WHY LOVE BOMBING IS EFFECTIVE AT FIRST

The Love Bomb may be effective in a relationship with a narcissist because the victim may think: they care, they care about me, they took the time to notice me, they listen to me, they hear me, I matter, and that is exactly what the narcissist wants. It’s false validation because the love bomb is not intended to validate it does just the opposite (more on this below).

The target receives the love bomb with open arms, at first. The narcissist will feed their target with the love bomb, but they have ulterior motives connected to it, which we will explore. It goes deep down the rabbit hole regarding the emotional ramification from being exposed to it for a prolonged period of time.

After a while with time and repetition, something seems a bit off by the love bomb, and slowly the muddy waters start to clear. Deep down the victim feels something is not right but it can take a long while to detect.

LOVE BOMBING CAN BE DETECTED BUT NOT AT FIRST

When someone who is close points out something ‘positive’ the target may absorb it before realizing it’s not a genuine compliment. So, the love bomb is accepted, and it feels good for a time, but it goes deeper than surface-level for the recipient. Why?

The narcissist’s love bomb may fill the emotional tank for a time; however, it’s not with fresh water. Next, let’s go in deep and pull back the layers, with what is really going on when the love bomb occurs over time with repetition in a narcissistic relationship or family environment.

WHAT IS REALLY TRANSPIRING WITH LOVE BOMBING

Put your seatbelt on for this section because we are about to uncover a topic that is often unaddressed when it comes to love bombing. We address it because it’s important for this information to be covered, so we can detect the dark side of what is really going on in a narcissistic relationship, and then to see why going no contact is stressed within this community. Ready?

• Love bombing is cruel, not just because it’s false flattery, but because it’s emotionally going below the belt. And not just because it’s insincere, and with intent to take, but it is malicious. It’s a deliberate attempt to crush someone under the guise of embellishment.
• It’s lying-in disguise. It’s taking away before adding. It’s an insult that attacks the intelligence of another with the hopes it goes unnoticed.
• It’s disingenuous. It is not valuing another person. It sets the stage for cognitive dissonance (more on this in another article).
• It’s taking the other person for granted. It’s positioning deception as an acceptable method of operation within the relationship.
• It is setting the tone for the victim to believe the narcissist, which provides a baseline for gaslighting. If love bombing is allowed and accepted, the victim is trained (groomed) to also accept gaslighting and other forms of manipulation.
• It’s setting the tone that the narcissist is the authority figure. The narcissist is setting the stage that it’s their opinion that matters and matters more — and when one person’s opinion matters more, it is indicative that another’s opinion matters less.

So, the relationship is being built on uneven terrain. The narcissist is dishing out the love bomb (false compliments) when they deliberately choose to do so. Too, it’s by the narcissist’s standards that a ‘compliment’ is given, or not given.

The target wants to hear the words (until they gain clarity), so they perform and keep on performing, though the narcissist will at times withhold the love bomb, only to cause confusion for the target.

What was ‘good enough’ for recognition (love bombing) after time not only is no longer recognized by the narcissist, but it requires more energy from the target to meet a level of being recognized. The victim works harder, all while internalizing they must be doing something wrong, and this is where doubt starts to creep in.

Love bombing is teaching the victim they must continue to do the things that were ‘praised’ so they will continue to receive the accolades by the narcissist.

Love bombing is a subtle attempt by the narcissist to erode a person from the inside all under the guise of it sounding sweet, kind, and full of positive and edifying language.

THE END RESULT OF LOVE BOMBING

The narcissist has many tactics up their sleeve, tactics designed to emotionally deflate their victim for their gain. Love bombing is just one of the tactics they keep hidden under this complex disorder of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Is it a winning battle? No. There is no winning the game with a narcissist. Their tank will always be on empty, no matter how much fuel is added and no matter how well you treat them.

When we take a deep dive into the emotional manipulation that is occurring through love bombing, we can receive greater clarity on the relationship and the not-so-hidden agenda.

Love-bombing is dangerous, as it starts the cycle of abuse and has a devastating outcome. Love bombing is not just empty compliments, the undertone is the part that is internalized by the victim which causes the most harm — and this is only one part of the cycle, which goes round and round as long as the relationship remains intact.

The battle is futile. It’s a war that cannot be won with a narcissist. When you play, you end up losing not only years, but what may start to occur is a shift in your mental health. Take time today for yourself, as you are important, you matter, and we want what is best for you.

Have you been love-bombed? Drop us a note and let us know your experience!

Thank you for reading!

· Get Full Access to every story on Medium and support my writing

Originally published at https://www.movingforwardafterabuse.com on December 1, 2021.