Charisma: The Narcissist’s Deceptive Tool

It Begins with Charisma

Have you ever met someone who was funny, charismatic, and who swept you off your feet in record time?

Perhaps you were drawn in because they listened intently to you while positioning themselves to have ample knowledge and not to mention was even a bit mysterious. They drew you in and you must admit, we're curious, and wanted to learn more.

When a narcissist first meets a potential new supply, they may use the tool of charisma for an advantage. In this article, we are going to explore the acting skills of the narcissist and the purpose behind it, so we can detect the wolves who are wearing the sheep’s clothing.

According to an article, an individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is one who displays the following:

• Grandiosity
• Seeks Ongoing Admiration
• Entitlement
• Employs Use of Tactics to Emotionally Disturb Others Chronically

Let’s take a look at why narcissist uses charisma as they are attempting to draw supply usually at the onset of a relationship.

THE ACT OF CHARISMA

The narcissist has to draw in their supply in some way. So, they go into their drawer of masks and confidently place on the mask of charisma. They present themselves as smooth, witty, even jovial to some.

Note: Not everyone who is charismatic is a narcissist and not every narcissist begins a new relationship with charisma. Some narcissists jump right in with love-bombing to add to the confusion. Let’s explore the purpose of charisma at the beginning of a narcissistic relationship.

THE PURPOSE OF CHARISMA WITHIN A NARCISSISTIC RELATIONSHIP

• To Lure in the Target
• To Generate Interest
• To Create Escalating Interest
• Turn Interest to Curiosity
• To Establish a Level of Desirability
• To Ultimately Capture a Source of Supply

Charisma, when used underhandedly, lines the base of a new relationship with deception. Now, charisma is not a stand-alone tactic, the narcissist will build upon it, which is the next phase, the Love Bomb.

THE ACT OF LOVE BOMBING

With charisma as the initial hook, and after a level of interest has been established, a narcissist will add to their game of disguise, a deceptive maneuver known as love bombing.

Love bombing is flattery, or compliments geared to obtain something in return. These ‘compliments’ are intended to keep their target interested, engaged and fill up the emotional tank of their victim — so they can draw on it in the near future.

Love bombing is not a compliment for compliment’s sake, as the narcissist will need to have a return on their investment.

THE PURPOSE OF LOVE BOMBING

• Hook Target (or Re-Hook)
• Keep Target Engaged (Supply)
• Keep Target Coming Back (More Supply)
• To Secure the Source (Future Supply)
• It’s the Fall Back when Tactics are Exposed or a Level of Discomfort Surfaces

THE FALSE MASK OF VULNERABILITY

Many people have personal stories of difficult situations they have endured in their life. Typically, these stories are reserved until a certain level of comfort and trust has been established in a relationship. This is different when you have encountered a narcissist.

A narcissist will have a wrecking ball story, that they share early with you, and in some situations, it’s before the level of trust has been established in a relationship, by design.

They do this for many reasons; let’s unpack it.

THE NARCISSISTS’ WRECKING BALL STORY

• They are Positioning Themselves as Victim
• Their Victim Mentality is to Garner Your Support and Empathy
• They Want You in Return to Be Just as Vulnerable
• They Will Use your Personal Story Against You in the Future

The narcissist’s wrecking ball story could be from years or decades ago but discussed like it was yesterday. They are setting up the scenario to draw on your empathy. They want you to believe they are still in unbearable pain by it and are seeking comfort from you. Their real purpose is to extract supply.

If you have encountered a narcissist, one of the best ways to handle is to go no contact. If you have been in a relationship for an extended time, it can be difficult to leave. In the meantime, the grey rock technique can assist.

SUMMARY

A narcissist will act in a certain way to generate a level of interest from their target. Their act is a disguise with the intent to draw supply.

They will act with charisma to charm and will follow up with love-bombing to focus in and ensure they are met with a source of supply to which they can draw. Then, prematurely, the narcissist will toss in a story to showcase their vulnerability, which is to extract your empathy and to garner your support.

Have you been love-bombed? Have you seen charisma at work with ulterior motives? Have you been told a wrecking ball story that someone used to try to steal your empathy? Drop a comment below and let us know your experience.

Thank you for reading!

· Get Full Access to every story on Medium and support my writing

Originally published at https://www.movingforwardafterabuse.com on November 27, 2021.