Groomed for Silence: The Tactic the Narcissist Doesn’t Want you to Know
It’s Time to be Loud
When in a relationship with a narcissist, silence becomes the unspoken rule. The abused learns what they can do and not do, say and not say…
Over time the victim is conditioned into abiding by the rules as a learned behavior and as part of an established and acceptable method of relationship.
- Silence becomes acceptable.
- Silence is favored.
- Silence keeps the abuse intact.
One of the tactics a narcissist will use in the beginning (or really, at any time of a relationship), is the tactic to keep you silent. Abusers groom their target with the purpose to manipulate for their benefit.
You see, a narcissist, will not tell you to be silent at their abuse, they will be adept in setting up circumstances in which you will have to deem for yourself, that it is best as a matter of survival within the concept of the relationship (if you wish for it to remain intact as it were) to be silent.
It can be a threat from a tone of voice, or it can be from another tactic.
THEY WANT TO CONTROL THE DISSEMINATION OF INFORMATION
A narcissist will condition you to not speak up, not to share with close friends, (or anyone for that matter), to remain in a silent bubble that is oftentimes filled with fear.
Fear is one of the greatest tactics, not only is it used to control, but it has a wide range of subsequent responses that correspond with the fear mechanism.
Over time, your perceptions change and you adapt to the messages(s) you hear covertly. You understand what is not “polite” to share and the ramifications if you do so slip up and share too much with others. This perpetuates the fear response.
Understanding how abusers work is essential in freeing yourself from the devastating entanglement. It’s important to be wise, and to learn about the deceptive tactics so you can easily spot it.
Many people have been trained to be silent for a long time, and it has become second nature.
Abusers will control information and how others view them. They are in charge of what others believe and perceptions. They are known to twist information so that it suits their purpose and desired outcome.
THE FLIP OF SILENCE
One thing that often occurs when the relationship has ended is the redirection in the pattern of silence.
No longer does the abused/survivor have loyalty to the abuser to remain silent through the conditioning and grooming. The survivor and overcomer, then, can choose to go no contact, and be silent toward their abuser. It’s the redirection of loyalty.
Choice is powerful and with it comes empowerment. It’s the ability to choose who you let close, and who you will not.
PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT
The survivor, will have to overcome the historical thinking patterns which have taken root. Over time, a mental change and a shift occurs in which the survivor loses loyalty to their abuser, see more on Stockholm Syndrome, and creates a new life.
The survivor changes from being silent, to now gaining their voice, and then being empowered to choosing to be silent (no contact) toward the abuser.
The survivor realizes the choice and the power they have. The longer the time of no contact, the mind and body starts to heal and recover, but healing and even grieving the loss that occurred still needs to take place. Learn more about the 7 Stages of Loss after Narcissistic Abuse.
It can be empowering to go from being Silenced, to then being on the opposite side and choosing to whom to be silent toward.
Choice.
Choice is powerful and with it comes empowerment. It’s the ability to choose who you let close, and who you will not.
XO
Lynn
Originally published at https://www.movingforwardafterabuse.com on May 17, 2021.