What Changed After I Went No Contact?
The Audacity of Silence
No Contact is a major decision.
Silence.
The audacity of silence. The pain of nonrecognition. Hope died that day, the hope of rekindling, the hope of restoration.
I moved on.
I felt the pain again, understood and grieved it deep within my heart, and realized the impact. The earth stood still for a split second, shock at the moment, as I digested this and from there I decided to move on with my life. It has been the largest healing adventure in my life. It was going to BE MY LIFE now. I wasn’t going to live to please or put others’ wishes, wants, desires above my own.
It was like my heart was fractured for the last time. It was broken into so many pieces, but they say when healed, it’s stronger than before the break. I believe this to be true. Strong, yet so weak at times.
I needed to be more concerned with my greatest passions, desires, strengths, than the vision of what others have for me — their self-pleasing mission. I had to get off the hamster wheel of performance. This wheel of performance can stem from being raised within a narcissistic structure.
Related: Was I Conditioned by Family of Origin to Have a Relationship with a Narcissist?
As I sit back and evaluate my life now with these changes I have made, several things have occurred.
PEACE AFTER NO CONTACT
It has been a quiet, peaceful existence. No loud arguing, no back and forth, vying to be understood, fighting for my voice and to be heard, and being left out, put down, questioned, discredited.
I exist for me, for my plans, for my goals, accomplishments, my dreams. The silence is peaceful, the wind blows, it stirs my heart; it creates new life, new passions, and I am a settled soul, without anguish.
The silence now is sustaining, and its beauty breathes into my soul. It clears my head and re-centers me, and I re-align with my objectives. It invigorates me, and I make plans to pursue my dreams. It brings an inner smile to my heart, and I am refreshed.
FREEDOM TO CHOOSE
I am free to be me. I am running my race. I will choose my outcome. I no longer look to the left or the right. I keep my eyes ahead of me and on the vision I have before me.
The reason no contact is so powerful is, when we are emotionally abused, we are taught we are never enough, subtly of course, and sometimes blatantly and we hear it so often, we believe it.
When we realize this is a LIE, we can be set free. We can be who we are truly meant to be. It’s a process to continue to learn the truth.
When the ceiling of emotional abuse and coercion to accept and do certain things is lifted, and the truth is revealed, the beginning of a new life is about to unfold. We can choose our path deliberately and let go of the unconscious loyalty to serve others’ missions.
EMBRACE MY MISSION
I may not fall into what is “expected” of me by society, but that is the best part. I want to live an extraordinary life and with that, sometimes you have to “live, think and do” outside the box. I don’t want to fit into the “normal” box that society says is the right path for me — I challenge it. I have been given gifts, talents, the notion and desire to learn, to figure things out, to self-evaluate, to embrace, to challenge myself, and see how I can be an impact to this world.
When I thought of going no contact, I was challenged at the thought and believed, at first, I could not do this. Now that I have gone no contact, and am learning to walk in it, I see new freedoms, adventures both emotionally and physically are ahead. I know there still will be challenges, but I have regained my hope and choose to walk a brave path.
I would love to know how your life is different after you have moved on after a narcissistic relationship. What changes have you made? How do you see yourself differently?
Thank you for reading!
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Originally published at https://www.movingforwardafterabuse.com on November 24, 2019. Watch the video here.
