Jr Gets a Motorcycle

Give a boy a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Give him a motorcycle and life will never be the same again.

Previously, It Is What It Is.

Earnest was napping in his recliner when suddenly he was awaken by the loud roar of a motorcycle just outside of his home. “What in the wackamall is that!” he shouted. “And why is it circling the house?”

“That’s Jr on his new motorcycle,” Mabel answered. “I’ll go tell him you’re taking a nap so he’ll go ride somewheres else.”

“Motorcycle!” Earnest shouted, “Where in the wackemall did Jr get a motorcycle? He ain’t got a job, a drivers license… Why he ain’t never rode a motorcycle.”

“He has now,” Mable laughed as she stepped to the door and shouted, “Jr, take that thing out behind the barn so your daddy can sleep.” Jr waved, barely able to hold himself on the motorcycle as the front wheel lifted a few inches from the ground.

“How did he get a motorcycle?” Earnest asked again. “Did you go out an buy it for him?”

“Oh no,” Mable answered, “He built it hisself.”

“Out of what?” Earnest asked as he walked to the door just as Jr came riding ‘round the barn. “Is that my new Homelite chain saw?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Mable snickered. “I didn’t know anything ‘bout it until he came riding up through the yard this morning right after you left to haul produce to the market. I suppose it could be.”

“That boy,” Earnest grumbled as he walked out the door, “Why I’m gonna…”

“You ain’t gonna do nothin’,” Mable shouted, “ ‘cept leave that boy be.”

“What if he hurts hisself?” Earnest asked in earnest.

“That never stopped you,” Mable laughed.

“But what if he gets it out on the highway?” Earnest complained, “He ain’t even got his drivers license.”

“It’s a dirt bike,” Mable answered as Jr came roaring past the house. “Why would he be ridin’ it on the highway? There ain’t no dirt on the highway.”

Earnest stomped his foot and shouted, “But he got my new chain…”

“You’ll get it back,” Mable interrupted. “It ain’t like he’s gonna ride off to another state and never come back.”

“You’re right,” Earnest agreed. “I ain’t never gonna be that lucky.”

After a fine dinner of chicken ‘n dumplin’s that night, Earnest walked out to the shed where Jr had parked his motorcycle for the night. Sure enough, Jr had powered his motorcycle with the new chainsaw right down to the saw chain that spun the rear wheel. Earnest cringed, “I hope it don’t throw that chain.” The frame was a combination of wood, scrap steel, and sheet metal with the seat off the old tractor, and the handlebars from an old antique Gravely walk behind plow that had been rusting away out back for over 40 years. The tires were knobbies off the bicycle Jr never learned to ride. The number plates on the side had once been old pie pans, and the exhaust was made from some water pipe and a rusty old #10 vegetable can for the expansion chamber. “Well ain’t that a modern miracle,” Earnest said while shaking his head. “It’s a miracle it ain’t broke in two already.” Satisfied that he would only have to put up with it for a few more days before it self-destructed, he walked back to the house to get ready for bed.

Early the next morning Earnest was awaken by the bee-in-a-can roar of Jr starting his motorcycle. “Cain’t a man get a little sleep? Why he’s up before dawn?” Earnest shouted.

“It’s supposed to rain today,” Mable answered.

“What’s that got to do with it?” he asked.

“Jr wants to get in a few more miles of test ridin’ without gettin’ wet,” Mable replied.

“How can he see to ride?” Earnest asked.

“He took the headlight offin your tractor,” Mable answered. “It’s not like you ever use it.” Without saying a word Earnest put on his pants, picked up his boots, and headed out on the porch.

“You don’t want no breakfast?” Mable shouted. “I’m makin’ flapjacks.”

“Thanks, I’ll heat ’em up in the microwave later,” Earnest answered.

As Earnest walked towards the barn, Mable said to herself, “We ain’t got no microwave. Has he been hidin’ something from me? My birthday is nine months away.”

Out in the barn Earnest looked over the piles of parts Jr had removed from the various old trucks, tractors, and cars running and not running, that were scattered about the farm. “Is that the steering wheel off my ’55 Chevy?” Earnest exclaimed. “This has got to end.”

Determined to bring Jr’s motorcycling days to an end, Earnest stormed back into the house shouting, “I’m going to end his racing days right now!”

“Shut up an’ eat your flapjacks,” Mable ordered as Jr roared past the kitchen window with a rusty bucket on his head, he used for a helmet. “We ain’t got no microwave.” Earnest sat down at the table and picked up his fork.

For days on end Jr raced around the farm terrifying the cows, chickens, hogs, goats, and even the cat. The dog mostly ran along behind him barking and growling as if he intended to catch and kill Jr’s home-built motorcycle but the motorcycle was faster. Meanwhile Earnest tried everything he could to pull Jr away from his newfound toy. Jr wasn’t interested in fishing, hunting, gruntin’ for worms, or any of the other things he usually liked to do. Jr wasn’t even interested in throwin’ rocks, and that was his favorite pastime. The hens weren’t laying, the cows weren’t making milk, and even the hogs Earnest hoped to sell had quit eating.

Then one day it happened, the worst Earnest had expected, when Jr walked up to him and said, “Daddy, you need a new chain saw, the one I been using done died.”

Being one not to look a gift horse in the mouth, Earnest said, “Well Jr, looks like you and I will be cutting wood with the trusty old two man crosscut saw. Gonna be a cold winter, we better get started right away.”

“But Paw,” Jr complained, “it’s only April.”

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today,” Earnest laughed.

Please continue reading, Jr Goes To Town.