Jeffrey Toobin Shows His Co-Workers His Penis On a Zoom Call

And Ends Up With His Own Hashtag #MeToobin

In case you’re wondering about the hashtag #MeToobin, it’s about the fact that highly respected legal analyst Jeffrey Tobin was just caught with his pants down — literally.

According the news stories, Toobin “exposed himself” during a work-related Zoom call. In other words? The man was masturbating.

During a work call.

Eew.

I’m trying to imagine exactly how that went down. A bunch of elite New Yorker writers are brainstorming about the upcoming election. “Does anyone here have a point they’d like to make?” asks editor David Remnick.

“I do!” says Toobin. “Look everyone! I’ve got a dick!”

It might not have happened like that. Toobin claims that he didn’t think the camera could actually see him burbing the worm.

But it does make me wonder. What the hell were these folks discussing on that work call? I’ve participated in plenty of work-related Zoom calls.

Not one of them ever made me want to masturbate.

Toobin has been suspended from both The New Yorker and CNN.

Many folks have Tweeted that a man who is caught spanking the monkey during a work call shouldn’t be suspended. He ought to be fired. Some have even suggested that Toombin’s letting his Zoom co-workers watch him wank off was no mistake. That part of the thrill might be forcing women to watch who don’t want to watch.

It’s a creepy form of dominance.

In this case, I guess it backfired.

Now we’re all watching, Jeffrey.

So what’s the takeaway here? If you want to amuse yourself during a work-related Zoom call? Text a friend or do a crossword puzzle on the side. But keep your one-eyed trouser snake out of the picture.

Writing Coach and editor-for-hire Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, can help you improve and publish your work. Drop her a line at [email protected]. (That’s Ros with an “s,” not a “z.”)