It’s Okay to Not Be Okay: Learn the Butterfly Hug to Help Ease Anxiety
Learn the Butterfly Hug method from Netflix K-drama ‘It’s Okay to Not Be Okay’ to calm yourself.
Not too long ago, I found out about the Butterfly Hug method when it was featured in the popular K-drama on mental health — It’s Okay to Not Be Okay.
As an emotional first aid, the Butterfly Hug method is easy to learn. You can apply the steps whenever you feel anxious, agitated or overwhelmed. What’s great is that you can do it yourself, even if there is no one around to comfort you.
How the “It’s Okay to Not Be Okay” K-Drama Turned Out to Be Way Better Than Okay
At first, I wasn’t planning to watch the K-drama on Netflix. Judging by the title of the series, I had thought that it would be sappy. As someone who prefers a good mystery story, tearjerker romantic movies have never been my cup of tea. Well, I found out how wrong I was in thinking that it wasn’t worth watching.
After completing all 16 episodes, I now understand why It’s Okay to Not be Okay is so highly rated. It’s even more popular outside of Korea. In fact, the New York Times named it as one of “The Best International Shows of 2020”. The last I checked, it is still being favoured.
I like it best when I am able to gather lessons from a creative story format. There is much to learn about mental health. As the story unfolds, it’s nice to see how each character transforms — like the butterfly emerging from the cocoon.
The series follows a selfless psych ward caretaker, Gang Tae, and a children’s book author, Mun-Young, who has an anti-social personality disorder. In the show, Gang Tae taught Mun-Young the Butterfly Hug; so that she can calm herself whenever she feels agitated. Gang Tae explained that the Butterfly Hug is a self-healing technique that’s recommended for trauma patients.
Let’s get down to the Butterfly Hug scene. Well, not surprisingly, it was beautifully paced. K-dramas are known to drag out heart-wrenching moments. They slow down time and they make intense moments that seem to last forever. The Butterfly Hug scene was no different, but with a positive lasting effect — it offers a solution that we can use for life.
Indeed, the intimate movie-poster moment of Mun-Young doing the Butterfly Hug and Gang Tae supporting her from behind, has been etched in my mind ever since. (Due to copyright reasons, I won’t be able to paste the image here.)
The Butterfly Hug Method offers steps that I believe are excellent for emotional healing. When we apply the Butterfly Hug, we are offering ourselves a gentle space to invite in grace as we process what we feel. Discovering the Butterfly Hug Method is definitely useful in my line of work as a coach specialising in helping others with emotional healing :-)
What Is the Butterfly Hug Method?
According to research, the Butterfly Hug method was originated and developed by Lucina Artigas during her work with the survivors of Hurricane Pauline in Acapulco, Mexico, 1998. It proved to be highly effective. Since then, the Butterfly Hug had become a common practice by many professional therapists and psychologists when working with survivors of major catastrophes.
Well, the steps as demonstrated in the K-drama are easy enough. Anyone can learn and apply them. As intended, the Butterfly Hug method can be used to relax and calm a hyper-aroused self. For a start, learn to recognise the symptoms when you are feeling triggered.
These may include one or more of the following signs:
- Heart beating very fast
- Profuse sweating
- Nausea
- Stomach cramps
- Feeling paralysed
- Inability to calm yourself
- Racing thoughts.
Thus, if you are feeling particularly triggered, you can do the Butterfly Hug to ease anxiety and calm yourself.
How to Do the Butterfly Hug Method
As demonstrated in the K-drama, the steps are as follows:
- Take a deep breath in.
- Close your eyes.
- Cross your hands across your chest, with your fingers resting on your shoulders (or upper arms).
- Take turns to tap on each shoulder (or upper arm), alternating left and right.
- Continue to tap until you feel relieved.
Alternatively, you can also butterfly hug yourself as follows:
1. Take a deep breath in.
2. Close your eyes.
3. Start to notice any emotions that are coming up, any physiological indicators and judgments of self and continue to breathe.
4. Cross your hands over your chest. Hook the thumbs together or place the two thumbs together, whichever feels more comfortable to you. Each hand is like the wing of a butterfly.
5. Rest your hands on your chest and tap on yourself , alternating left and right between the two hands. By alternating, it would seem as if your hands are flapping like the wings of a butterfly.
6. Continue tapping until you are at ease.
Learn to Do the Butterfly Hug Method
Butterfly Hug to Heal Yourself
The way I see it, the Butterfly Hug is a hug of self-love.
By crossing my hands over the chest and hugging myself closely, it is like embracing my inner child. The tapping actions add a nice therapeutic touch, so that I can soothe myself (and my inner child). Additionally, assuring myself with positive affirmations such as “it’s okay to not be okay” creates acceptance and peace.
It’s great to test out ideas, so I taught the Butterfly Hug method to some clients to get their feedback. Well, they reported feeling comfort and assured. As a result, the Butterfly Hug method is now part of my self-love healing toolbox!
For a start, I recommend practicing the emotional first aid method when you are not too anxious. That way, you’d be able to apply it immediately whenever needed. (However, if you find yourself experiencing panic attacks, I suggest seeking professional medical help.)
There will be times when you don’t feel okay. You could be having a bad day. Your kids are screaming and throwing tantrums, a client filed the most horrible complaint, or you could be feeling overwhelmed with the things on your plate.
There and then, when you are feeling agitated or down, do the Butterfly Hug while assuring yourself “it’s okay to NOT be okay.”
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