How You Can Rewrite the Story of Your Unhappy Childhood

In case you believe that you are stuck with an unhappy past, I’d like you to know that it is possible to rewrite your childhood story. Living with past childhood trauma, as if it is still present, can keep you stuck today. A situation of being caught in the past prevents you from moving towards your goals and dreams without struggle.

When I first heard the suggestion that it is possible to rewrite my childhood story 7 years ago, I had found it ludicrous; after all, the past happened in the way as I remembered it. How could it be possible to change it? You may have the same thoughts too.

The details of your past, as you recall them, may be somewhat fuzzy but if your memory gets jogged, you can still recall what had taken place — the painful emotional betrayal by someone you had trusted, the tragic loss of love, the cruel rejection that had left you abandoned, the psychological fear of being left behind, and so on.

The traumas might not have been big major events but they were certainly instances that had left you feeling alone, helpless, and sad. Worst of all, unloved. Indeed, when you are triggered, the emotional disruptions that you experience in your body feels raw. As if the events are in the now. The anger. The frustration. The misery. Hurt. The pain that cuts the heart like a knife.

So how can something heart-wrenching that has already happened in the past be reversed?

You may even wonder: How can your childhood wounds ever be healed?

Well, as a coach and healer and now having worked with many women from across the world, allow me to explain.

Let’s begin with your story.

What is Your Story?

Everyone has a story to tell. We tell it to ourselves, to our loved ones, to our friends and the world. A common story of many people goes like this…

All my life has turned out to be a disaster. I am just not made for relationships. I am just not good with people. I’m just not good enough for anything…and that includes love from my parents. I had felt unwanted ever since I was born.

Repeated often enough, the story that you spin in a narrative creates your reality. It determines the quality of your living. As you apply your belief in it, it becomes part of your identity. When this happens, it is possible to feel lost without this story. Which leads to creating the problem of attachment.

An attachment to a negative childhood story narrative keeps the emotional drama alive. Instead of recalling the past as it is, you experience the disruptions as if they are in the now. Your childhood pain gets amplified each time you retell the story with belief and emotion. Stories told over and over again, become self-fulfilling prophecies.

When Regina first reached out to me for help with clearing her money blocks, she went on and on about how her life suck. She blamed her spouse for their money problems, marriage breakdown and what he had done to destroy her life. Regina also complained about how she never got support from anyone; least of all, her mother.

She talked about never being “good enough” and how it hurt her so much to have a mother who had abandoned her when she was a child. Regina declared with some finality, “everyone is bound to leave me at some point”. It became apparent to me that she had an inner child that is wounded.

After going on for 45 minutes, she finally paused. It was when I asked her, “Regina, do you feel like you’re in charge of your life?” She turned and looked at me in surprise, as though I hadn’t been listening all this time. “Well, no,” she replied impatiently. “Or I wouldn’t be here talking to you.”

The Alchemy of Your Story

People are often in the habit of telling the same story that is anchored in the past repeatedly. Specific events took place the way they did. Still, it is important to realise that the past is no longer present and that the past is simply a construct of your mind. Unfortunately, a disempowering story can put you in victimhood. What’s more, the conclusions that you have made about the world or about yourself may not be true.

Using an inside-out approach, you can change the energy around your childhood story and how you are perceiving it. In reclaiming your power, what would help is to recognise that you have choice. You can decide what you would like to feel, how you think, what you eat, how you react, how you live, where you work and so on. Also, you get to decide the story that you would like to place attention on.

So, ask yourself: how is the story you have been telling repeatedly serving you?

If the story is NOT serving you, then maybe it’s time to try another one?

Emotions are simply energy in motion. You can change the way you feel. The stories that you create in the mind are also comprised of thoughts. You can also rewrite the narrative that you have.

Thus, whatever has happened in the past, you go back in time to address unresolved issues. You acknowledge the energetic presence of your younger self who is still holding on to the trauma. Via a therapeutic process that involves healing your wounded child, you free yourself from being a prisoner of the past.

Releasing how you feel and think about the past creates the space for a shift to take place. Indicative signs are experienced in your body. They can be any one of the following signs… - a dissolution of sharp pain over the heart - a reduction in weight on the shoulders - a reduction in lower back pain - tension in the head disappearing and so on. A positive change experienced in the body is enough to let you know that a shift has taken place internally.

Upon release, you can find it easier to integrate the lessons that serve you for growth. At a subconscious level, you are invited to change some of the beliefs that you had formed as a child. It is in the realisation that you are able to turn a story from pain into power, from rejection into love, and from insecurity into confidence. At this point, your whole body embodies a transformational shift.

(Disclaimer: no written words can fully capture how a story alchemy session is like. An integration of your specific life lessons works best when it is experiential!)

You are the Author of Your Life Story

If the life you are living is not in the way you like it to be, step back and review the story in your mind that you have been investing your energy on. Make sure the narrative is serving you. Because if it is not, you can always change it.

As Tom Robbins, a best-selling novelist, says, “It is never too late to have a happy childhood.” Work on releasing any pain or trauma from the past. It serves no one when you hold on to it. Instead, consider rewriting your childhood story to one that serves you with lessons learnt. Remember: it is possible to do this more effectively after you have released the unhappiness that you had associated with your childhood or past.

What matters is how you intend to end the story of your life — on an empowering note or a disempowering one? You have the power to choose. And it is up to you to take charge of the pen.

The rest of your autobiography is still unwritten and the power to write a great ending lies with you.