Relationships/Self-Improvement

It’s Not Your Partner’s Responsibility to Make You Happy

The Myth of Completion in Relationships.

Undoubtedly, most of us have heard the assertion that, in relationships, you need to make yourself happy before you can ever think of making your romantic partner happy. Seems logical.

But how does this theory play out for romantic relationships in the real world?

A good number of people don’t even know how to make themselves happy within their own lives much less figure out how it relates to their relationships.

For me, being happy means that I’m personally fulfilled in my own life — separate from my partner. If my partner were to disappear tomorrow, I would still have my hobbies, passions, and interests. I would essentially still be me.

A lot of couples fall into the trap of thinking that they need one another to complete a whole picture when, in fact, each partner is already a complete work of art in their own right.

However, most individuals have nowhere near reached their full potential of self-actualization when they enter into any given relationship, and, quite often, they end up placing a great deal of their personal self-worth and desire for happiness onto the partner they’re with.

When a person expects their partner to be the one to constantly make them happy, entertain them, or keep them functional in any way, it can be a huge strain on the relationship. It’s not sustainable.

My partner and I enjoy each other’s company, we make one another laugh, and we have many moments of happiness together. Yet, the key to my fulfillment in life has to be up to me. As much as my partner can comfort, support, and reassure me through the trials and tribulations of life, at the end of the day, I’ve got to live inside my head alone. How content I am with my choices and experiences in life is up to me.

I have learned that no one else is responsible for my happiness. I have also learned that I simply cannot make another human being happy if they aren’t fulfilled within their own headspace.

Of course, it’s natural for partners to want to make one another happy. There’s no crime in striving to please your partner in the moment or within certain situations, however, allowing a partner to discover gratification in life on their own is healthy.

You’ve got to allow your partner to navigate their journey. They need to explore things on their own. They need to fail on their own. They need to learn lessons on their own. Both partners need to do this.

When I’m feeling unfulfilled or unsatisfied in my life or relationship, I don’t expect my partner to fix it for me. Sometimes I can’t even fix it myself.

When things go wrong in life, it’s not necessarily a reflection of your relationship. It’s simply part of living in the world and encountering daily challenges.

This is where a lot of couples get confused. They project their life problems onto their relationship with their partner and assume that it must be the relationship that’s making them unhappy — when it might be other external influences causing them angst.

When you fundamentally love and care for a partner, it’s important to keep perspective on what’s driving both of you through life. What gives you energy? What excites you? These are questions each individual must answer on their own. Coming together as partners with individual goals and passions is what makes great relationships great.

Enjoying happiness with a partner and being the source of happiness for a partner are two different things.

I can’t expect my partner to create my happiness just as I can’t create his. That’s a prime recipe for disappointment. I don’t expect my partner to complete my picture and he doesn’t expect me to complete his. We both have the tools to create what we need to eventually feel fulfilled as human beings.

Will we support one another along the way while we both discover our masterpieces?

Absolutely.

However, I am ultimately responsible for my self-fulfillment and sense of well-being within my relationship — just as my partner is responsible for theirs.

Want more from me? Keep scrolling…

Still here? You can show your love for my writing by leaving me a tip, contributing monthly, or buying me a random glass of wine on my Ko-fi page! Thank you!

By the way, I have a podcast about being a stepmom. Check it out if you’re interested.