Infidelity/Relationships

Why Good People Still Have Affairs

The undeniable truth.

I’ve written several articles about affairs and infidelity and I’ve documented my own experience as a mistress. Those were the darkest four years of my life and if I was given the chance to do it all over again, there would definitely be more cons than pros in regards to engaging in that situation, looking back.

However, if you notice, I didn’t say I would never do it again if given the chance.

That’s because, at the time that I got involved in the affair with a married man, I was completely swept off my feet. The charisma of the man I got involved with mixed with the intense sexual chemistry we shared was absolutely and undeniably potent at the time the affair started.

I had vehemently condemned infidelity up until I found myself participating in it.

Things happen. Mistakes are made. Lessons will uncomfortably humble you over time.

Sometimes the things we abhor and rail against the most become those hot fire coals that we have to singe our feet on to ultimately be humbled.

That’s life. It tends to level you when you get too cavalier about the things you shouldn’t — consistently.

That said, I knew that the affair was wrong. I knew it from the first moment. Of course.

Even though I was told by my affair partner that he was separated from his wife — which turned out to be false — I ultimately knew that he was still technically married and soon found out that he was still sleeping in the same bed as his wife.

Yet I still went forward. I still carried on. I still turned a blind eye.

At the time that I engaged in the affair, I was freshly divorced and carelessly arrogant about my new love affair. I wasn’t thinking about the sanctity of marriage. I was only thinking about myself.

I was entangled in a sexual fantasy with this man who couldn’t seem to get enough of me — and vice versa. It was meant to be a one-night fling and it turned into four years of a never-ending rollercoaster and a perpetual stream of high drama.

I loved that drama in the beginning. Initially, I got a thrill from the secrecy, the hiding, and the taboo sexual trysts. I’d be lying to myself and to everyone else if I denied that fact just because I knew the affair itself was wrong.

A huge part of the appeal of infidelity IS the shady aspect of it — at least in the beginning. You know it’s not widely accepted in society as being morally right. You know it can destroy lives and families. You know it’s fundamentally rotten to the core.

However, infidelity keeps happening over and over throughout ALL circles of society. Affairs are happening right now. Infidelity is rampant in relationships all over the world.

Infidelity still has an intoxicating appeal whether we like it or not. I can testify to that as a person who said she would never partake in that kind of activity.

The act of infidelity may indeed be a rotten thing but the appeal of an illicit affair is consistently present among us.

The best lesson I can take from all of this is that in order to make our relationship choices healthier we must first swallow the undeniable truth that we as human beings do crave sin sometimes.

Once we admit that the darkness can be powerfully seductive to us — especially when we’re emotionally vulnerable — we can then begin to figure out the root reasons why we are drawn to darkness in the first place and how to make more improved choices in the future.

Things that aren’t right can still be appealing — even to people who are predominately good. Recognizing that is the first key to understanding why so many people are still having affairs.

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By the way, I also have a podcast about being a stepmom. Check it out if you’re interested.