It’s Interesting How my Wife Thinks We’re Behaving Like an Old Couple Already

How could we have fast-forwarded to a geriatric lovebird's life of grey hairs and rocking chairs without me knowing?

We are only about 15 years in, but just yesterday my wife let me know that she thinks we are already behaving like an old married couple. We were conversing about our relationship when she suddenly declared, “You know, we’re already behaving like an old couple, right?” At first, I couldn’t help but chuckle because as far as I knew, there are people who have been married longer than we have been alive. And we know some of these people.

Then in some ways, when I come to think of it, she may be on to something: we have been together for three-quarters of a score and during that time we have developed certain habits and routines that might qualify to be considered as an “old couple” behavior but I don’t really want to feel that old.

“At first I couldn’t help but chuckle because as far as I knew, there are people who been married longer than we have been alive.”

I know that when people say that partners are behaving like an old couple, it can just imply that they are acting in a way that is typically associated with a long-term, established relationship which is often characterized by deep familiarity, established routines, and predictability. However now that it refers to us I am just seeing it as an emphasis on the lack of or decline in our sense of adventure, spontaneity, novelty, or mystery. You know, all those basic elements that show were are still exploring and not stagnating.

But yes, we have been together awhile now and we do have set routines and schedules that keep things running smoothly, we are comfortable with silences, we can, a lot of times, finish each other’s sentences, and we even “fight” in very familiar and predictable ways (this last bit is very helpful in avoiding serious squabbles and in reconciling and finding common ground later).

“However now that it refers to us I am just seeing it as an emphasis on the lack of or decline in our sense of adventure, spontaneity, novelty or mystery.”

I know that the comment is often meant in a lighthearted way and can merely suggest that a couple is comfortable and secure in their relationship. However, now that she’s said it with reference to us I am, for some reason, just more acutely aware of the implication that a couple’s behavior is predictable or boring and that they have resigned themselves to a life devoid of trying new things that can keep a relationship fresh and exciting.

Well, maybe I should console myself that every relationship is different, and what might seem like “old couple” behavior to some might be perfectly normal for others. For us, our routines and habits are just part of what makes our relationship comfortable and enjoyable. So, while she may think I laugh at the idea, I know that we have a strong, loving relationship that is built on a foundation of mutual respect, understanding, and yes, maybe a little bit of routine.

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