Is Your Time Almost Up With Your Parents?

You spend 90% of your time with your parents before you turn 18

“At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, a parent.” –Barbara Bush

Everyone who is a parent has probably heard that your kid’s childhood goes very fast.

Savor it. Cherish it. They are grown in the blink of an eye.

The days are long but the years are short.

You get 18 summers with your kids. But, do you really?

Once they hit 15, especially 16 when they head out driving, there is usually a loss of time spent together. With activities and homework, the years and summers come to a close with not much time left.

It wasn’t until my girls hit about 12/13 that I began to notice them wanting to be with their friends more than me. It’s a fact of life, it didn’t bother me. I wanted them to have friends but I had to sacrifice my time with them.

I read a blog today that stated we spend 75% of our time with our children before they are age 12.

It made me think. So, does that mean that I only have 20% of my time left with them? How much does that actually equate to?

I clearly have already lost 5% of my time because of their ages.

Think about how much time you spend with your parents. Mine moved out of state so I won’t see them as much, although it was never as frequent as we would have liked.

Having a daughter that just moved out, not sure if for good yet, I can sense the amount of time that I will have left with them. My only hope is that they will want to see me but I can’t predict what will happen.

How much time do you spend with your parents as an adult?

If you are lucky enough to have both of your parents alive, how often do you see them? I guess I should say “if you want to see them”.

Mine are both retired but as I said moved out of state. I see them every few months but it probably only equates to a few full days a year.

They also say once you are 18, 90% of the time spent with your parents is over.

But, the point is to not be depressed about it but to think of what we can do about it.

How can you spend quality time with your parents?

Obviously, the best way to spend time with your parents is to move close to them. If living close isn’t an option, you have to prioritize your time.

You have to make an effort, plain and simple. Maybe you can only see them during holidays but make sure that you have quality time during those visits.

Have deep conversations and ask them about their lives. Maybe even ask to hear stories of their childhood. Quality definitely trumps quantity.

Plan a special trip. We have done special Thanksgiving trips out of town with our parents. That makes me think that I need to plan another trip like that.

Take this same advice with your own children

If you have young children, you have all the time in the world, so you think. But, as we all know, it goes very fast.

Now that I only have a few more years until I am an empty nester, I can feel the pressure hanging over my head. It feels like a weight of expectation.

Because I have read more about this and noticed the lack of time I have left with them, my perspective has shifted. I am morphing into a friend instead of their parent.

I will always be their parent but I believe most of my traditional parenting duties are about to expire.

So, I will treat my relationship with them moving forward as one of a trusted confidant. I am no longer the room mom, the coach, the homework helper, almost not the Uber driver, and their event planner.

But, I will treat my relationship with them as more of a friendship now, because that is how I want my final %10–20 of my time with them.

What if you have no desire to see your parent(s)?

I know that feeling. I have one parent that I don’t wish to see. It’s unfortunate that the relationship never flourished but I had to cut ties with the toxic woman that birthed me.

There is nothing wrong with you. Having no desire to see your parent for whatever reason, is your choice.

You might be at the point where you only have 1% of your time left with them, and that is ok. All relationships are going to be different and we can’t expect them to be a certain way.

We never know how much time we have left with anyone. With these statistics staring me in the face, it makes me think about how I am going to spend quality time with my kids and my parents.

These are the relationships that matter the most to me. If you are feeling the same way, it’s time to make some plans and have some quality time together.

What kind of things do you do with your kids and/or your parents? Do you believe that quality time matters in a healthy relationship?

How do you make the most out of your time left?

Christina writes about the harsh reality that you can’t control your kids and neither should you want to. She spends quality time with her kids and it shines through in her writing.

Deola - The Bodacious You speaks a lot about regret in her latest story. Mistakes will be made and you can’t change the past but you can create an inspiring and meaningful future.

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Thanks for reading!

Much love, Michele