The Day I Officially Let Go of the Woman Who Abused Me

I blocked my birth mother on all her accounts and I’m free

Disclaimer: My birth mother’s many Facebook accounts have no restrictions, everything is public for anyone to see. She also has sent this photo out to family members, including me. I did feel guilty when I first shared it but then thought, you can find this photo in many places.

Yes, I blocked my mother on all her accounts. She has about 15 different Facebook accounts, all with the same name.

Why? She’s in active addiction. She drinks and uses drugs daily at the age of 69. She’s suffered two brain aneurysms and claims to be disabled, which is highly debatable.

I’m guessing she forgets she has an account, doesn’t know her password, or can’t figure out how to reset the password. Maybe all three?

Anytime my brothers and I would get a new friend request, we would roll our eyes while accepting it, even though we didn’t want to.

Manipulative, narcissistic mothers easily influence their children.

So, what made me block all of her Facebook accounts and her phone number?

It’s been an accumulation of things over the years, besides the fact that she mentally and physically abused my brothers and me.

After she kicked me out of her house at a young age, I went to live with my father and didn’t have much contact with her.

Her drug use was spiraling out of control so she wasn’t interested in me. I probably saw her 5 times from the age of 12–30.

In my 30s, I began making regular trips to Reno to visit my brothers. She also lives there.

Out of some weird obligation I felt, I would swing by to visit her, too. I never wanted it to be longer than a 30-minute visit. Or, she would drop by to see us but she wouldn’t want to stay long either.

Each time she would see me, she would start crying. She would say how much she missed me, in her raspy voice tainted from the years of smoking.

She would latch on to a small dream that we would have a relationship, and I would, too. Deep down, I knew it would never happen but I would always try. Up until earlier this year, I still clung to a small sliver of hope.

Then, my step-dad passed away from complications from his alcoholism. He was in and out of the hospital for the past few years, always returning to the drink against medical advice.

Towards the end of his life, he was unable to walk and had to wear a diaper. He was also 69 years old.

He kept suffering seizures and was pronounced brain dead, so they decided to take him off the ventilator. He was actually a really sweet man and I loved him dearly. He just succumbed to her manipulation and drank himself silly because of it.

After he passed, she thought she was entitled to what little money he had left but wasn’t responsible for any of his arrangements. They were divorced but living together again. It was a sick and twisted relationship.

My two brothers took care of everything and used the money for his cremation.

She was livid. She’s never had a job that lasted more than a few months and always mooched off of anyone she could.

She became so irate and began texting all of us. Shit got real nasty. All she cared about was that money.

First, she raged at my brothers, calling them every name in the book. Playing the victim has always been her specialty. She tells them she is a good mom that never did anything wrong to them.

She claims she’s never had a drinking problem. Meanwhile, the last time I saw her, mini liquor bottles fell out of her car when she came to my brother’s house to visit.

We all laughed this off, sort of. That’s just the way she is.

Then, she began demanding money from them. They didn’t owe her anything. She said she would take them to small claims court. They said, on what basis.

It got so downright nasty that they both blocked her. The calls wouldn’t stop and they have lives, they actually work for a living.

Then, she started coming at me. She called and I didn’t answer. The last time I talked to her on the phone was my birthday, when she talked about herself for an hour, not asking me a single thing about my life.

Her texts were:

Does this make you happy? Grow up and get over it. How dare you wine (yep, that’s how she spelled it) to your “step-brother” (he’s my half brother, not step). Whatever, I’m over it bye.

No response from me. I’m sure that made her go crazy. I blocked her Facebook accounts and was going to block her number but more texts started coming through.

Did you block me? For something that happened 30 years ago (beating me and kicking me out of the house). You’re old, get over it and have a relationship with your mother.

Me: I won’t when you act like this. As you can see, no one wants to talk to you. Stop drinking. You grow up. Be an example for your kids. But you can’t because you are always the victim and never did anything wrong. I’m over it because anytime I try, I just end up disappointed.

Then, she goes on to bash my dad (for whatever reason), lies about how they divorced, tells me he’s a cheater (she’s the one that cheated), and says that I need to grow up again, that I am 50 years old (I’m 44).

The next thing she says is pretty comical. She states that no one has ever seen her drunk. She doesn’t do drugs.

I mean, just look at her photo. It’s clear as day.

She also tells my brothers that I lied about having cancer and that I’ve never had a job in my life.

She says again, I just have one shot a day, this is easy I can stop anytime. I am a good person. You’ll find out, just forgive me and love me.

All of our mouths dropped. We knew she was deceptive but this was a whole new level.

My last text to her was:

Believe all your lies. How exhausting it must be to be you. I’ll talk to you if you get sober.

I blocked her number. And, oh my goodness, did that feel good! A ton of bricks was lifted off my shoulders. Over those 30 years, I gave her so many chances and always got burned.

Never again. Unless she gets sober. I’ll stick to my word.

If you are in a similar situation, you don’t have to keep going down the same path. It’s definitely fitting the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

I am finally free. I have my other mom, who I call do call mom, and I don’t need Cathy in my life anymore.

I am not writing this for pity. Yes, it was a shitty situation but I honestly feel so good about it now. She’s had a grip on me for the past 40 years and I’m at peace now.

I had a conversation recently with my brothers wondering if they’d heard from her, and they haven’t but it sparked me to share this.

And, look how lovely my mom is. This is my stepmother, the mom who loves me unconditionally.

If you liked my story, become a member and subscribe to Medium to read all you want each month, including my articles.

Thanks for reading!

Much love, Michele