Is Kink the ‘New’ Thing?

Proof that our grandparents were kinky too

While it may seem as if Fifty Shades author E. L. James invented kink and BDSM in 2011, this is far from the truth. In fact, there’s proof of us humans enjoying flavors far beyond vanilla, reaching back to the earliest of recorded history, suggesting that kink has been around since the days of yore—and beyond.

Nowadays, sexual fantasies and kinks are the ‘in thing’ and vanilla sex is out. Or so it seems.

This quote from Elise’s recent article, which asks whether Everyone is Into Kinky Sex These Days? caught my kinky self’s attention and sent me on a research quest.

While we’ve seen a boost of BDSM references in popular music videos over the last decade, I knew that pop-queens Rhianna and FKA Twigs didn’t just jump on some recent fad; I’ve seen enough ancient depictions of far more off-beat actions, suggesting otherwise. Still, I had no idea just how deep the rabbit hole went.

Here, take the red pill, and come along for the ride:

4000 BC: Sex Goddess Inanna whips her followers into erotic frenzy

Mesopotamians worshipped their Goddess of passion, sex, and warfare—who in turn worshiped her own vagina (ladies, take note). In fetishization rituals imbued with pain and ecstasy, the ‘Queen of Heaven’ forced men to bow to her in submission, flogging them as they danced for her, enticing them into states of ecstasy.

Ritual flagellation continued to be the hot-thing all through the ancient Mediterranean for centuries. Pompeii’s Villa of Mysteries featuring frescos of a winged whipstress, and Italy’s Etruscan Tomb of the Whippings, with the depiction of the caning-threesome below, being the most famous examples.

400 BC: The Kamasutra tells you how to get ‘your spank on’

If you think ancient Tantric practices are all about sensual massages and breathwork, think again. The sutra of desire not only provides detailed how-to-guides on nipple-play; ‘when the nipple is seized by all five nails and pulled outwards, the nail marks around the breasts are known as the peacock’s claw’—it also offers recommendations for biting and scratching. If you’re looking for pro-tips on how to improve your bare-handed spanking game, it’s got that too:

The place of striking with passion is the body […]: The shoulders, the head, the space between the breasts, the back, the jaghana, or middle part of the body, the sides […] striking is of four kinds: Striking with the back of the hand, striking with the fingers a little contracted, striking with the fist, striking with the open palm of the hand.

40 BC: Cleopatra shags a crossdresser and invents a bee-powered vibrator

The Egyptian ruler who, apart from being a naval commander, linguist, philosopher, astronomer, and diplomat, was infamous for her unquenchable sex-drive and indulgent orgies. When she wasn’t getting it on with her high-ranking general beau, Mark Antony, or the crossdressing Julius Caesar, she supposedly took matters into her own hands.

While no evidence of the device has been found, Cleo sure seems like the kind of genius who’d create the first vibrator, by trapping handfuls of angry honeybees in a gourd, causing it to vibrate. As they say, necessity is the mother of invention.

1778: Jean-Jacques Rousseau admits to being ‘a total sub’

When reading notes from JJR’s autobiography Confessions, it makes sense that he arranged to have it posthumously published. A masochist since boyhood, he discovered the sexual pleasures of spanking from a female guardian, who supposedly stopped indulging him when she noticed as well. His fetish didn’t wear off, and in his final manuscripts he professes:

To be at the knees of an imperious mistress, to obey her orders, to have to beg her pardon, have been for me the sweetest delights.

1782: Mozart practically begs for a rim job

Move over Piano Concerto №21, Mozart’s got a new hit and it’s called Leck mich im Arsch. Literally translated, Lick me in the Arse, invites not only two, but three tongues to feast on his ‘nicely buttered’ asshole. Written in Vienna as a Canon in B flat for 6 Voices, it goes a little something like this:

Lick my arse nicely, lick it nice and clean, nice and clean, lick my arse. That’s a greasy desire, nicely buttered, like the licking of roast meat, my daily activity. Three will lick more than two, come on, just try it, and lick, lick, lick.

1880: King Edward VII commissions a plush fuck-chair

Ever heard of a love seat? Edward, who supposedly loved to get his freak on, put his own spin on the concept with his royal sex chair, aka the ‘siege d’amour’. The contraption, which looks like a chichi version of what you’ll find if you google ‘BDSM sex chair’, also features a much-debated lower level with room for an extra person to join in — on all fours.

1909: James Joyce has a fetish for fat dirty farts

While I personally never made it past the first page of his enigmatic Ulysses, Joyce’s, self-described, ‘disjointed letters’ to his ‘Dirty Little Fuckbird’, Norah Barnacle, had me captured from the moment I discovered them. Personally, I’m a clean freak when it comes to anal, and farts and scat-play ain’t my thing—but even this becomes gold when described in the words of one of the most influential and important authors of the 20th century:

At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue come bursting out through your lips and if I gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you…

If that doesn’t knock the wind out of you (…), I don’t know what does. JJ didn’t stop there though, he also wanted to be punished by his ‘sweet little whorish Nora’:

I wish you would smack me or flog me even. Not in play, dear, in earnest and on my naked flesh. I wish you were strong, strong, dear, and had a big full proud bosom and big fat thighs. I would love to be whipped by you, Nora love! I would love to have done something to displease you, something trivial even, perhaps one of my rather dirty habits that make you laugh: and then to hear you call me into your room and then to find you sitting in an armchair with your fat thighs far apart and your face deep red with anger and a cane in your hand.

Besides unrivaled smut-queen, Anaïs Nin, James is now officially next on my list of deceased artists I’d die to invite over for a glass of wine—or five.

1990s: Madonna comes out as ‘definitely not a virgin’

Blinded by current fads, we’re even forgetting very recent history: Always ahead of the game, Madonna teamed up with one of the world’s most successful fashion photographers Steven Meisel to produce the 50$ coffee table book SEX in 1992. Now beyond BDSM she admits in an interview that E. L. James’ books are cool—if you’re a total noob. How can you blame her, the queen of pop has been trying to ‘teach us how to fuck’ for the past 25 years.

So, while the term BDSM was first coined in the 70s, and kink seems to be a hot potato these days, we’ve in fact been sexually eccentric, inflicting pain, and tying each other up for pleasure for thousands of years. And looking back at the colorful history of kink, I’ll argue that Fifty Shades is rather grey in contrast.

Sources: Where did BDSM Come From | The Kinkiest Historical Figures In Recorded History | 10 Kinky Tendencies Of The Ancient Romans And Greeks | A Tale As Old As Time: BDSM Throughout History | BDSM Is Older Than You Think. Way Older | Etruscan Sexuality | Cleopatra and The Bee Vibrator | The Gates of Ishtar (Inanna) | The Extended History of BDSM | Art in Tuscany | King Edward VII’s bizarre sex chair has confused everyone | The Kinky Controversy | Leck mich im Arsch | James Joyce’s Love Letters to His “Dirty Little Fuckbird” | Friends of Rousseau | How Biting & Spanking Can Take Your Tantric Sex To The Next Level