Summary

While narcissists can be faithful, the focus on fidelity overlooks the broader dysfunction inherent in relationships with narcissists, who prioritize their own needs and persona over genuine emotional connections.

Abstract

The article addresses the possibility of narcissists being faithful in relationships, emphasizing that while some narcissists may not cheat, the question of fidelity is secondary to the more significant issues in a relationship with a narcissist. Narcissists are primarily motivated by the need for narcissistic supply and the preservation of their idealized self-image. They may cheat for various reasons, including gaining additional supply, preserving their persona, obtaining resources, punishing their partner, devaluing them, or driving them away. The type of narcissist—overt, grandiose, or covert—can influence their likelihood of cheating. However, the article argues that the capacity for fidelity does not equate to the ability to have a healthy, meaningful relationship, as narcissists are inherently incapable of such connections due to their objectification of others and lack of empathy.

Opinions

The author suggests that focusing on a narcissist's fidelity is misguided because it ignores the fundamental problems of narcissistic relationships.
Narcissists are seen as incapable of true emotional intimacy and healthy relationships due to their self-centeredness and the prioritization of their persona.
The article implies that narcissists' motivations for cheating are varied and self-serving, often tied to their need for validation and control.
It is highlighted that different types of narcissists may exhibit different behaviors regarding infidelity, with overt narcissists being more prone to cheating.
The author believes that narcissists view their partners as objects for narcissistic supply, which precludes the possibility of a genuine, reciprocal relationship.
The article conveys a cautionary perspective, advising against hope for a fulfilling relationship with a narcissist, regardless of their faithfulness.

Is It Possible for a Narcissist to Be Faithful in a Relationship?

Absolutely, yes, but this is the wrong question

While many narcissists cheat, cheating is not part of the diagnostic criteria for NPD. Some do. Some don’t.

All narcissists are motivated by narcissistic supply and the survival of their persona — their idealized self with its made-up version of reality.

Beyond that, they are different — different types of narcissist, different people, with different needs, and different personas to present.

Before we talk about which narcissists cheat, let’s talk about why they cheat

#1 Narcissists may cheat to gain narcissistic supply from the new source of supply — to get praise, admiration, respect, validation, and attention — or to devalue them.

Why?

They may feel the amount of supply they get from you is diminishing.
They may believe another source of supply is higher quality.
They may wish to secure back-up upon back-up.

#2 Narcissists may cheat to preserve their persona — to reinforce their image of their idealized self to the world.

They may have a reputation for being a player, someone who can conquer any man or woman. They care about maintaining their rep.

#3 Narcissists may cheat to obtain resources.

They may want job or other connections, financial or other resources from the new source of supply. They may feel they’re quite skilled in the bedroom and this is a reasonable trade.

They will only trade if they feel like they’re getting the better deal.

#4 Narcissists may cheat to punish you.

They know it hurts you. They see the pain in your face when you cry and tell them you can’t trust them.

They also watch you devalue yourself when you stay. This gives them a huge boost of narcissistic supply.

#5 Narcissists may cheat to devalue you.

This sounds the same as punishing, but it’s not. It doesn’t require that you know they are cheating.

Secretly cheating on you, makes them feel power and control over you — like they’re pulling the wool over your eyes.

#6 Narcissists may cheat to drive you away.

Once you have seen a covert narcissist without their mask, there is no turning back for them. The covert narcissist initiates the discard and in nearly all instances, it’s final.

Discarding you might not be fitting with their persona, however. In this case, they will torture you until you leave. One method of torture may be cheating.

In all cases, the narcissist cheats because it’s what they want

They weigh the consequences and choose to proceed. The narcissist is not concerned with your feelings. They don’t really know you have any.

The narcissist sees you as an object. If it helps, they see the new source of supply as an object, too.

So, which narcissist is likely to cheat?

Overt, grandiose narcissists frequently have a history of cheating and may have several partners at one time.

They tend to cheat for reasons 1–5. They are getting a lot out of it — maximal results from minimal effort. You will not get them to stop.

Covert narcissists that meet new people online are likely to be cheating on someone else.

They often get the new person to leave their world behind and move to a new city to be with them, only to find out they’re married.

Or they have an emotional affair with the new person, gaining a lot of supply by complaining about their spouse.

Typically, these sources of supply don’t know about each other. The narcissist is cheating for reasons 1, 3, and 5.

Covert narcissists that have experienced a mask slip, that are being challenged or called out, are terrified of losing your supply and are terrified of exposure.

This makes them furious. You are now the enemy, and they want to leave.

They also want to remain the victim, so they’ll choose to torture you until you leave. This covert narcissist cheats for reasons 1, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

So, which narcissists don’t cheat?

Covert narcissists that are getting a lot of resources or status elevation from you may never even think about cheating.

They know where their bread is buttered, so to speak.

Covert narcissists that present their idealized self as a family man or a wholesome woman are also unlikely to cheat.

They wouldn’t risk the destruction of their persona and made-up world.

They want their relationship with you, their supply-producing object, to last forever.

Is it possible for a narcissist to be faithful? Yes, but this is the wrong question.

This question implies being unfaithful is the worst thing a narcissist can do. It implies that if they are faithful, they can have a meaningful relationship. It implies hope that a relationship with a particular narcissist will work out.

These assumptions are false.

Narcissists can do far worse than cheat on you.

They are incapable of a healthy, meaningful relationship.

In a relationship with a narcissist, things will never work out for you.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

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