Is Authenticity Better than Monogamy?

Spoiler: I think so.

Selfie of/by author

It’s so culturally ingrained and embedded in our culture to hold the expectation of finding and falling in love with one partner that even for people who identify as non-monogamous, or who struggle with being romantically and/or sexually monogamous, it may be difficult to communicate one’s own desires and needs to one’s partner or even to oneself.

We may renounce monogamy but then still tend to assume that other romantic/sexual partners crave monogamy, creating tension and avoidance and ultimately resulting in the demise of the relationship or situationship, as flings are known as these days.

As I’ve argued, the monogamous social structure harms women more than it does men, but it likewise puts extra burden on both men and women, romantically, sexually, financially, spiritually, and emotionally. If we could live more authentically, consciously, and in community, we would be happier beings.

As someone who sees myself as someone living consciously and authentically, I am not interested in sexual relationships where other love languages are not being sufficiently expressed to me. Being non-monogamous does not mean that I am promiscuous, it means that I am discerning and that every man needs to earn my engagement and involvement.

As someone who has learned to lean into my divine femininity, I’ve learned to let go of my shame about wanting to live a soft, heart-centered life, to let go of my shame about being non-monogamous and valuing my autonomy, and to center my own needs and wants.

As I’ve written in my piece, Men, It Serves You to Acknowledge a Woman’s Spirituality, men would benefit from understanding that conscious feminine energy can help them raise their own vibration in their masculine energy. Acknowledging the wild life force behind each person helps us to truly bask in each other’s presence.

But strings are always attached; access is never free, and any form of intimacy creates some level of energetic entanglement. So I’ve learned to be discerning, to honor my boundaries and my needs, and to live my life authentically.

Like my writing? Become a Medium member today. Your membership fee directly supports Olivia Love and other writers you read. You’ll also get full access to every story on Medium.