Satire | Humor
Introducing ‘Relational Mediium’ With No Views
Please don’t read if you are too serious of a person
Disclaimer: The following story is purely fictional and written for fun. Any resemblance to actual characters, events, or reality is entirely coincidental.
A few months ago, we were discussing the future of Mediium. We do this very often. When everything goes smoothly, we become frightened. Because we cannot stand any mundane. This platform is for constant change. We call it a happening place.
In our dictionary of growth, there is only one sentence. Yes, you guessed it right, it is — for better or worse, change, of course.
So, in the meeting, I asked our chief strategist in a low tone, Hey, Mark! What do you think about our progress?
Mark understood my grave voice as he knew me for years. We are quite a team. He said, Devan, we should change Mediium’s current design. I mean, change is our unofficial motto. But we are stuck in just one age-old design and algorithms for months. Now everything is going fine, which is against our intention. Let’s bring some chaos into the system!
Jonathan, our creative head, nodded his head while having his latte, sitting on the right side. He added, Mark is fu**ing right! Now, most writers are getting good views, earning better, the home page is perfect, branding is okay. No issues. It seems like a great experimental field, Devan. Why not play some games with our algorithms and design and see what happens?
I loved Jonathan’s opinion. He said what was inside my mind. So, after an exciting team meeting, we have decided to change Mediium’s logo, overall design, algorithms, and introduce a new business model.
We hired a branding company. And after spending much time and money, we came up with a cute plan to change the entire design with letters. It looked funny but change is better than beauty.
We have also shifted to a new business model though we are not sure what model it is. But we are sure it’s kinda future stuff where we wanted to give our writers more access. So, we offered them to design their own page with different colors and fonts. It worked very well.
Folks just loved this idea. But you know, when we give the mob to decide what they want, it can go in any direction. So, don’t be surprised when you find any nonsense color combination in any profile. Just ignore them to save your eyesight and your sense of aesthetics.
At first, some rebellious folks were against the change. But thanks to their goldfish memory, they are okay now. I don’t know what’s their problems! Why don’t people love changes is beyond my imagination?
Isn’t fun to play with a perfect toy and destroy (I mean, rearrange) it? Right?
Within a few months, we slowly but surely changed many things. We have coined the term ‘relational Mediium.’ Nobody knows what it is, though some assume that it means enhancing blogging interactions where writers and readers will interact more and more. But that’s just a poor assumption from some self-proclaimed talented writers.
In reality, it’s nothing but a lovely little phrase, and the meaning depends on the viewer’s interpretation. We introduced this phrase to check their creativity. Oh, it’s great to play with the writers’ minds.
Another fun thing we did is to shift our app from an algorithm-oriented feed to a follower-oriented feed. Sounds too complicated? Don’t worry! It means you will see all the shit from the writers you follow and miss everything else.
Isn’t it a cute idea to keep you in a shithole and limit your reading experience? Let’s see how long you can take. Well, how does it feel to see the same eight faces on the right side of your homepage? See, how we irritate you with innovation after innovation!
Do you want to know another thing we say to keep writers in the maze? We say — we love the same things but in different orders. Can you dig the meaning out of it?
Some may think that we eat dessert first, then the main course, and then appetizer. How interestingly we are playing with words!
We are trying hard to change every fu**ing thing. Because, you know, we want all of you to develop the capacity to adapt to all situations. Just what you are doing with your stats nowadays. We hope you are enjoying the downward slope.
We know only a few writers are getting some views. And for most of the writers, it’s down — way down (baby, you’re down…down…down).
Don’t be disappointed. Our team is just trying hard to fathom your writing spirit. I mean, we want to see how many of you can continue without any views, reads, or money.
Yes, many of you have already started blaming yourself that your writings do not have so-called value (another interesting word, right?) or true potential. We wanted to create that self-doubt. Some of you console themselves saying, Mediium never promised to give us more views, did they?
I am saying again — don’t lose hope (because hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no….). Our research guys are working overtime to satisfy you without any views, reads, or money. That’s what we call a real ‘relational’ thing.
We have given you a blank space to write whatever shit you want, isn’t that enough? Be minimalistic. Try to be happy with little. But we are trying hard, and of course, we will find some cool ways.
Haven’t we already offered you the option to use custom domains? Aren’t you happy?
Writers are complaining that even their distributed-pieces are not getting any views. What they don’t understand is a new system needs some time to fix issues.
A week ago, I spent time with my creative folks. They told me that the experiment is going as expected and sometimes, beyond expectations.
I have sent a few ‘cool emails’ to some lazy change-makers so that they work hard to make more innovations or go home with a lollypop in their hands. We want more changes and that’s it.
So, why not wait patiently for the next changes, even if your views go down…down…down…!
Thank you for reading.
If you want to read more of my writings, you may read the following articles.