Introducing Myself to Illumination — Ntathu Allen

My journey to be a writer

In the spirit of being a good team player and learning the ropes of writing and publishing on Medium, here is my introduction to our Community, as suggested by the kindhearted Dr Mehmet Yildiz.

I have been in the game of being a full-time yoga and meditation teacher since 2004, when I resigned from my secure professional career as a Probation Officer.

I resigned because the work burned me out.

I had nothing left to give to myself, my family and the people I supervised at work.

Losing my dear cousin, Sherry, who was only 26 in 1995 and then my brother (aged 35) in 1997 shook me more than I realised.

I had counselling, but it wasn’t enough.

I was searching for truth, for inner peace and understanding of the meaning of life.

More than anything I wanted to be happy, for the pain to go away and feel whole.

Working in the grim environment of the criminal justice system with disadvantaged young people from deprived parts of South East London was difficult.

Trying to support them to reduce their risks of offending was mentally draining; trying to stay positive and see the best in persistent adult offenders affected my sleep as I laid awake pondering how to present their case in court the following day.

My girls were young.

I wanted to be a “better mum”.

I wanted to do all the fun things with them that the child minder was doing.

I wanted to accompany them on school trips; I wanted to have the energy to bake cookies for sports days, to be a volunteer school-parent reader, to have a clean home, cook the homemade nutritious meal.

You know, the usual stuff women feel we have to do to be a “good mum. A good wife and a good daughter”.

I tried it all and failed.

I couldn’t keep the show on the road.

And when my brother died, that was it.

I crawled through the day and curled up at night.

Miraculously, yoga found me.

The peace I was seeking was baked in every asana, every pause of the breath and every invitation to lengthen the spine and return to centre; soften my heart and made me strong.

I wanted to share this elixir of life at work with my probation colleagues — who were equally stressed and with the young offenders and adults I supervised in prison.

But it wasn’t happening.

Unlike today, where every organisation is aware of the value of yoga and mindfulness to help employees manage stress and anxiety; back then, the party line was to be tough on crime, to knuckle down and get on with work.

The offending behaviour programmes the offenders were expected to attend, didn’t include yoga!

And to get my colleagues to sacrifice their lunch break for a quick yoga stretch wasn't as easy as I thought.

So, I resigned.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

I resigned with a vision to bring peace to the streets of London.

I was going to go into prisons and community centres and teach people how to manage their emotions.

I was going to teach yoga in schools and help young people learn how to love themselves from a young age.

I was going to teach yoga to seniors so they could feel more flexible and happy in their old age.

Oh yes. I dreamt it all.

And I was going to do it all.

Bring peace to the world through teaching everyone yoga and how to meditate!

Fast forward 15+ years, to the present day, I can look back and say yes, I have brought pockets of peace to the world, in schools, pensioner clubs, prisons, corporate organisations and tired mums seeking peace and relief.

I have seen anxious parents peep through the glass partitions and smile as their hyperactive children sit silently and count their rainbow-coloured breaths.

I have met former inmates who openly greet me in the streets and say ‘that yoga pose you taught us, eased my back pain’, or ‘that meditation technique helped me see what damage I caused other people’.

Mind you, the years have not been all sunshine and roses.

I got divorced along the way.

And that was horrible.

I am still healing from the fallout.

Loved ones have passed away and close friends moved on.

With the passing of time, my girls have morphed into 3 sparkly young adults while my childhood dream to become a writer has resurfaced.

Well, writing has always there, in the shape of journal entries, letter writing and more recently blogging; I have even written books about yoga and meditation (part of my therapy to stop myself going insane while going through my divorce!), but I have never paid homage to my gifts, learnt the ropes or explored how I can make a proper living as a writer.

So, now I am.

Taking the steps, finding my voice, learning the tools of the trade to become a better writer and bring peace to the hearts and minds of our readers.

Did you find that useful to get an insight into who I am? And want more?

Then I invite you to check out my favourite stories, An Important Lesson I Learnt From My Dad and Spiritual Self-Love How to Take Care of Yourself. Thank you.

Special thanks to Jeff Herring, Tim Maudlin, Sinem Günel for showing me the way, and to Dr Mehmet Yildiz for believing in me. Namaste.