Building up your mental resilience
We’re living through a challenging age. There’s never been a better time to focus on your mental resilience.
by: E.B. Johnson
In order to build lives that are rewarding, fulfilling and authentically aligned with our values — we have to cultivate mental resilience. This mental toughness serves us well in a world that seems to be filled with chaos and pain. It’s harder than ever to find your center, it can be incredibly difficult to keep persevering…despite it all. That’s where our mental resilience comes in. It can help us move mountains and protect ourselves in the process.
We don’t gain mental toughness with age, or with experience. It’s something that has to be consciously cultivated, and it’s a state we can achieve at any stage in our lives. When we are mentally resilient, we can withstand the tumult and the turmoil of the world because our minds (and our hearts) come under our control. We know what we’re capable of, so we take charge of our thoughts and take back power over who we are and what we want.
Mental resilience is a key to happiness.
Life is not a straightforward path, nor is it an easy downhill ramble. While at times it can be pleasant, life is a process that takes a lot of work and a lot of commitment. You have to consciously move toward the people and the things that give you meaning and purpose. You have to find a place for yourself and then plant your roots firmly there, withstanding the beating and the battering so that you can grow into your fully realized self.
In order to do this, we need to be mentally tough. To be mentally tough means having the resilience to withstand stress, pressure, and all the negativity and adversity that exists in our inner and outer environments. When you’re mentally tough, you are able to persevere no matter the circumstances; and create for yourself whatever kind of life you desire.
Stop allowing yourself to be buffeted around by the bullying and manipulations of other people. Stop putting off your happiness, in the name of fear, guilt, and an endless sense of the sky falling. Instead, take into your mental toughness and decide for yourself what’s worth fighting for. Do you want to stay stuck and miserable forever? Or do you want to find a way to carve out a corner for yourself in the chaos? A place where you can bloom and thrive.
The benefits of cultivating mental resilience.
Mental resilience isn’t just something for big-business CEO’s or professional go-getters. It’s something we all should build for ourselves — especially in this increasingly chaotic world. There are so many benefits to strengthening the muscle of our minds. Want to be happier? More motivated? You can do almost anything when you have the mental fortitude to persevere.
Retaining motivation
Do you struggle to stay motivated? Especially once you’ve encountered a setback or two? Staying inspired and on track isn’t always easy, especially when we’ve hit a wall or received a rejection at what we perceived to be a pivotal point. When we have a high level of resilience, though, we are able to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and keep moving forward. We can stay focused and motivated by learning that a setback isn’t an ending.
Battling self-doubt
Self-doubt is toxic and can erode our quality of life in a number of ways. When we doubt ourselves, our abilities, our needs (and desires), we shut ourselves off to opportunity and allow ourselves to fall prey to the machinations of others. Mental toughness can help us battle this self-doubt and see the value and the power in our worth. The stronger we are in thought, the more possessed of self we are, and sure of the identity we’re building.
Finding the courage to act
Have you found yourself lacking the courage to act when you needed to? Did you stop yourself from going after that promotion? Completely miss the boat with that person you’d been flirting with for weeks? Some opportunities in this life require action. Living is not a passive experience. Things don’t fall into your lap. You have to ask for them and work for them. Mental resilience helps us to cultivate courage and self-assurance; staying strong despite what our inner critic might tell us.
Cutting out the critics
The perspective and advice of others is helpful, and can point us in the right direction when we don’t have enough perspective for ourselves. Not all the advice we receive is good, however. Rather than seeking to help us, some people seek to harm us or keep us small by offering criticism rather than helpful advice. Our mental toughness becomes a shield against this criticism and allows us to use it or discharge it as needed.
Learning the right lessons
Learning the right lessons is — too — a part of learning how to build up a wall of mental toughness and resilience. You can’t just walk away from a situation and instantly assume you’ve got all the answers with your limited perspective. You need to give yourself time and space to process things, apart from your emotions and apart from your close physical (mental and emotional) proximity.
Regulating emotions
Did you know that resilience is also a major aid in helping you regulate your emotions? Emotional regulation is a key part of building self-awareness and improving the quality of our lives and relationships. When we allow our emotions to run rampant, we often find they lead us into overreactions and major eruptions that push away loved ones and ruins the quality of our experience. By mastering our emotions, we become master of our thoughts and thus better equipped to face challenge and adversity.
Tapping into satisfaction
How often do you allow yourself to authentically enjoy something? Not as an accident, but as a result of the conscious intention to experience pleasure? Do you go out of your way to do things that feel good or make you happy? When we’re frazzled and mentally exhausted, we have no energy left for ourselves outside of surviving. By calming your mental state and fortifying it against stress and pressure, you can get back to tapping to your satisfaction.
Improving life performance
Mental toughness, unsurprisingly, has a direct impact on our life performance overall. Because you’re able to see the silver lining, learn your lessons, and move on — you can roll through life more seamlessly, prepared to achieve. You increase your confidence, which increases your energy and the opportunities you allow yourself to pursue. It also enhances our relationships through stability and makes us better partners, friends, and family members.
How to increase your mental strength and fortitude.
You can cultivate mental toughness for yourself and find a better way to deal with all the stress and the pressure. Rather than giving in or crumbling, you can stand strong and stand up in the name of your needs and your dreams. It takes commitment, though, and a willingness to plant yourself in an environment that allows you to bloom.
1. Find peace in the process of change
As humans, we very rarely find ourselves comfortable with the thought (or process) of change. When something in our environment shifts, we often react suddenly and with great emotion. We like things to stay the same, and we like the comfort and stability of our routine. Change is inevitable, however. It is always happening everywhere around us. In order to build up our mental fortitude, we have to embrace change and learn to see it as a process of growth and betterment (rather than one of fear).
Find peace in the process of change. This world is impermanent and always in a state of flux. If you allow yourself to be thrown off, angered, or otherwise destroyed by every little disruption in your work, home, or relationships — you will forever for miserable and chasing happiness that never seems to manifest.
Embrace chance. See it as a force of good in your life. Don’t run from it. Run toward it. All the good things you’re working toward in your life only come through change. You have to change how you see things, change how you relate to people and circumstances. Change is growth, and growth is upward movement. If you run from this change (instead of finding the lesson and the silver lining) you’ll keep yourself stuck on the ground. Learn to love change and you’ll find peace in the chaos.
2. Drop your absolutist points of views
One of the most toxic habits that destroys our mental resilience is our tendency to dwell in absolutes. Many of us tend to see things in very black-and-white terms; things are either good or bad, successes for failures. While we might allow ourselves to work hard for something, the minute there’s an upset we also throw a fit and walk away. We have to stop seeing setbacks as failures and start embracing the opportunity that’s all around us.
Open up your thinking and stop seeing hangups as insurmountable problems that must result in a certain death of whatever goal you’re working toward. Hardship — like all things in this life — is temporary. At least it can be when you start seeing it as a detour, rather than a closed door. Turn around and try another doorknob. Find the lesson and then look for another way to get where you need to go.
Drop your absolutist points of view. If you took a long road trip, would you turn around and go home if you hit a detour midway? Or, would you pull out the map and look for a different option and a way to get where you needed to go? The same metaphor applies to life. When we drop our absolutist perspectives, we can start to see life as full of new opportunities that offer us beautiful new solutions to the same old goals.
3. Never stop moving forward
There’s a lot to be said for momentum, or the forward motion we gain as we’re working toward our goals. Just as much of our physical strength building involves working through the pain, we have to do the same in our day-to-day lives. Building mental toughness and resilience requires (sometimes) that we face the problems and keep moving despite them. Though it feels the hardest thing to do, we just have to keep moving forward.
Don’t allow yourself to ever stop focusing on what you want in life. Even when you’re taking a step off the path to rest and recharge, see it as a positive action forward. Self-care isn’t hitting the pause button. In a different respect, it’s taking passive action on your journey to achieving your objectives.
See everything that you do as a part of the puzzle. Commit to those things that you want and create a plan of action that allows you to attack your dreams. Stop letting people and disappointment prevent you from getting where you need to go. We cannot build mental resilience by allowing ourselves to get parked by the wayside. We have to flex our mental and emotional muscles, and that can only be done by experience and self-confidence.
4. Tap into gratitude and positivity
Increasing our mental resilience doesn’t always have to come down to perseverance and facing up to adversity. There’s a bright side to this aspect of growth as well, and it includes tapping into our gratitude and appreciation in life. Becoming more aware of the good things around you allows you to shift your perspective and the way you see both yourself and the world around you. It also creates a greater sense of positivity that empowers and emboldens you.
Is your mind stuck in a whirlwind of emotion and confusion? Anchor back into the good side of reality by focusing on your gratitude. Find a special journal that you can use exclusively as a place to express your gratitude. Each morning when you wake up, list 3 things you’re grateful for in your life. At the end of the day — do the same.
Refer back to this journal regularly. Whenever you’re struggling or feeling like there’s nothing worth fighting for, turn the pages and allow yourself to reconnect with all those good people and memories that make your life worth living. Allow your gratitude to build. Turn to it when you feel yourself shaking or otherwise struggling. Be brave enough to build a positive outlook for yourself and those who mean the most around you.
5. Plant roots in happy places
Just as increasing our gratitude can help us build mental toughness, so too can planting roots for ourselves in happy places. This doesn’t mean forcing ourselves to see the world in a better light. It means actively build a reality that nourishes us and nurtures us in love and support. You can do this by chasing rewarding goals, and engaging in experiences that bring you laughter, joy, or confidence. People also make a difference, though.
Root yourself in happy places that keep you strong against the darkness. Pursue relationships that are compassionate and fulfilling. Look for experiences that enhance your confidence, or bring you laughter, joy and pride in self. Find things to look forward to, and happy things to fall back on.
Stop chasing relationships, careers, and lifestyles that make you miserable. Commit to cutting away those trappings that don’t bring you as much happiness as struggle. It’s an easy pros and cons list. Does it bring you joy? Does it bring you benefit greater than the misery? Is there a different way you can get where you need to be? Start cutting back the dead weight in your life and plant roots for yourself in happy homes, happy relationships, and fulfilling careers.
Putting it all together…
Building mental resilience is an important part of find our way to happiness and fulfillment. In order for us to keep moving forward (despite the pain of the world around us) we have to be mentally strong and we have to know how to control and regulate our thoughts and emotions. Want to find a shred of joy in this dark work? Cultivate some mental toughness and then watch yourself thrive on your own terms.
Find peace in the process of change. All life is in-temporary, and the world around us always in a state of change. Embrace this change and learn to see the opportunity in it. Drop your absolutist points of view and stop seeing disappointment or rejection as the end of the road. Part of building mental resilience is learning how to find the opportunity in the denials. If a door closes to you, find the nearest window and keep moving toward your goal. Whatever you do — never moving. Even hitting pause for some self-care is forward momentum. Learn to see the action in your plans and tap back into that sense of gratitude and appreciation you have for the good things in your life. Plant roots in happy places, and give yourself the right environment to bloom in.
