How to Bounce Back after Some Seriously Bad Luck
I had often heard the phrase, “when it rains, it pours,” but I had never quite believed it — until I fell victim to a string of bad luck.
We all fall victim to bad luck at some point in our lives. Whether we’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, or we make a choice that lands us in the muck — bad luck happens, and when it does it can feel impossible to bounce back.
Bad lucks comes in spurts. For me, it seems to come in cycles of three, and when it does it leads to some seriously negative cycles.
I had often heard the phrase, “when it rains, it pours,” but I had never quite believed it — until I fell victim to a string of bad luck that almost equalled the big end for me.
I had positioned myself into a career that looked like it had no end in sight. In 5 years, I had gone from a hopeless waitress-grunt to a successful adult, all in my own right. Suddenly, though, everything was ripped out from my feet when not only my career collapsed, but my health too.
Circumstances were out of my control.
My career was gone and so were all the plans that I had made with it (and the relationships I had built on it too.) My health tanked and there was nothing I could do about it short of grit my teeth and hope for the best. Everything was out of my control. Everything and the dreams I had of a future were gone. Just like that.
Anxiety ensued, along with all the other delightful habits and behaviors that come with it. I was isolated, afraid and spiraling and at night I was plagued with thoughts that drove me to the edge. I wasn’t just worried for myself, but the people around me that depended on me. How was I going to tell them? How was I going to support them? I needed answers. They needed answers.
None of us had any.
Thankfully, I had been to Bad Luck Station a time or two before. I quickly realized that there was a process I was going through and it was going to go a little something like this:
Step 1: Shock and Horror
Stunned into an almost catatonic state, it was impossible for me to process what had happened and what was going to come next. A bit like a deer being trapped in the headlights, this initial stage made it impossible to think, let alone make any decisions that could help me get back on my feet.
Step 2: Welcome to the stage: Fear & Anxiety
Losing my job and my health meant that I was tossed into a blackhole of uncertainty. Knowing what the future looked like had always provided me with a sense of confidence and comfort, but that was gone. The rug pulled out from under me, fear and anxiety wheedled their way in.
Step 3: Let’s play the blame game.
Being stuck in a rut of anxiety and fear triggers some pretty interesting defense mechanism, the most common of which is the blame game.
Once we are good and hurt and scared, we want someone to blame. Anyone. For me it was the people that had fired me, it was the doctors that had worked with me before. I was angry at myself, I was angry at them. I was angry at the world. Blame is a comfortable way to shift accountability, but it can be a dangerous trap.
Step 4: But why me?
Just like grief, when we’re dealing with bad luck we inevitably come to a questioning phase.
When the blame doesn’t work and the anxiety is too strong, we start to question ourselves and the world around us, looking for answers to the wrongs that plague us.
As humans, we have this nagging need to know why things are happening the way they are. It makes sense, as any guru will tell you that we should always question the things that happen to us — especially the bad things — as a ways to understand them and improve them the next time we take part in them.
It’s important not to dismiss this phase. These questions are critical, because they’re where the real change begins.
How to bounce back after some seriously bad luck
I came to realize that no matter where I was in life, these stages and experiences were always the same. Time and time again, I was trapping myself in a cycle and I wasn’t ably to break free of that cycle until until I realized that I’d been here and done it all before.
Once I had that epiphany, the whole way forward opened up to me.
1. Make a choice.
I had come to a junction. It was time to sh*t or get off the pot.
When bad luck drives you down to the bottom of the barrel, you have to make a choice. Are you going to rise from the ashes or are you going to lay down and let life bury you? Things might be gloom and negativity now, but only you can decide if that’s how they’re going to stay forever.
The hole you’re in now is the place where bad things reside. When you’re at the bottom, you’re surrounded by darkness, and that’s where you find the dark thoughts, addictions and other negative behaviors that go a long way to further destroy your happiness.
Make the choice now while your back is against the ropes. Decide what you really want and decide that no one and nothing is going to keep you from it.
Once you’ve reached this junction you can make some big changes in your life, but you have to make that choice and stick to it.
2. Get outside and clear your head.
Never underestimate the power of getting outside when it comes to making things better.
One afternoon (when I was feeling especially sorry for myself) I decided I couldn’t sit in the house anymore. Things were pretty bad and it looked like they were only going to get worse. I was having serious doubts about not only my future, but my life, and I didn’t know how I was going to handle it anymore. So I went for a run. The time opened up my mind and helped me come to some seriously helpful conclusions.
Getting outside is great for your mental and physical health. Spending just 15 minutes outdoors has the ability to increase your creativity, concentration and alertness and can even elevate your mood. If your bad luck is stoking your anxiety, it can help you with that too, helping you shift from that cosmopolitan stress to a more calm state of mind.
3. Love and be loved in return.
Reaching out to family and friends is one of the best tools you can use to find yourself and bounce back again.
When we spend time cultivating good relationships, we reap some seriously immense rewards. For us humans, love and health are intertwined in some pretty curious ways, and sharing that love can be a saving grace when we’re feeling low or experiencing a particularly long bad luck streak.
Calm, stable love can lessen depression and help us battle substance abuse. It can also result in fewer doctor’s visits by reducing stress on core biological systems like our hearts.
People who feel loved take better care of themselves, and that can make them feel better in the long run. Dishing out and receiving love and affection can also lower blood pressure and battle that anxiety that can come with a dip in fortunes.
Take some time to invest in the ones you love. Go out with friends or schedules that big family get-together you’ve been thinking about for months. When you’re done, you’ll feel better and when that starts to happen, all kinds of possibilities open up.
4. Change your thinking.
If you’re here because you’ve been going through some heavy stuff, then chances are you already know all about positive thinking.
While it’s true that positive thinking can help you change a bad situation, it’s a little bit deeper than that.
If you want to really change your thinking then you have to change it at a foundational level. In short, you have to start thinking of the bigger picture and comparing your life against that, rather than this tiny sliver of view you have from your place at the bottom of the hole.
Think about yourself in the context of every other human being on earth, then think about your circumstances. What’s the worst possible thing that could have happened? Chances are you’ll realize the worst possible outcome didn’t happen to you.
Consider the nature of things. We’re all ruled by Mother Nature and her cruel wheel of time.
We are born, we live and we die.
No matter how much effort you put into the middle bit, the beginning and the ending are the same.
Take a deep breath and consider your life from the outside perspective. Nothing lasts forever. Everything is temporary, this too will pass but you have to put your nose to the grindstone and work for it.
Stop thinking of yourself in the “me” and start thinking of yourself in the bigger “we” and you’ll see that things aren’t quite as bad as they could be.
5. Accept responsibility for what you can and take control of the rest.
Embrace your predicament fully and don’t make any excuses. This bad luck may have happened outside your control, but you may have had a hand in it too. If that’s the case, be accountable for your part in things and prepare yourself to move on.
No matter who’s really to blame, you need to accept where you’re at and take control of what you can moving forward. Don’t let the difficult things overwhelm you but, rather, see them as a learning challenge that can lead to new opportunities.
You’re going to have to dig deep and (perhaps) work harder than you worked to get into the position you find yourself in now. Work with urgency and work with faith and step up to take control of things in your life that you’re able to.
Putting it all together…
Life is hard and it’s often fraught with setbacks and bad luck that can leave us feeling discouraged and depressed.
Remind yourself continually of your life’s purpose and step up to take control of the things in your life that you’re able to. Refocus on what matters most and invest some times in the people and things that matter most to you. Whatever happened, happened and there’s nothing you can do to change that now. Instead, focus on changing the way you think and commit to seeing the bigger picture and your place in it.
When bad luck comes to wall us in the only way we can continue to move is forward. Make the decision to pick yourself out of the jaws of defeat and set yourself back onto the path of success. No one can make your life better but you.
So do it.
