I’m Not Ashamed to Demand More
Asking for more isn’t hard when you know you deserve it
Do you ever feel like something is tugging at you? Little messages from the universe, urging you to contemplate what you should be doing.
Perhaps a part of you feels like you don’t deserve to listen to that voice in your head, questioning if you’re worthy of pursuing it.
Is the universe just being kind, or is this a calling?
I’ve always felt this push to rise to a higher level of worth in the most random moments of my life — a persistent desire to do more. It always tugged at me from a professional viewpoint, always wanting to exceed.
At times, I’d ask myself, “Is this normal? Do other people experience this feeling?” I’d see so many colleagues and friends seemingly “happy” in their 9 to 5 jobs, but are they really? I wasn’t.
With every job I had, I appreciated the journey, the experience, but I wanted out after a certain amount of time, whether that be a few months or a maximum of two to three years.
I knew I deserved better; I knew that whatever I was doing in that moment wasn’t it. It definitely wasn’t what I was meant to do for the rest of my life. And if it was, how could I grow from here and make it more enjoyable?
The questions in my head kept flooding.
When I was a teenager and worked at summer youth programs, I knew those were temporary jobs. But the beauty of that time was that I had no responsibilities except for my prepaid Boost Mobile phone and the reassurance that when I got older, I knew I did not want to work with kids, so I crossed that off my list.
When I began working in retail in my late teens, at Toys “R” Us and ALDO, I also knew retail was not in the cards for me. But I enjoyed the discounted products during the holidays for my younger siblings and my weekly paycheck to pay for those college books and wardrobe to complement my college girl swag.
Even then, I was always confused about what I wanted to do with my life. That question always haunted me because I had no freaking clue.
When I got introduced to hostessing and waitressing at bars and restaurants, I did not want to go back to college. The money was pouring into my bank account; New York City tippers were generous. And yet, I still wanted more.
I chased money; I was hungry for it. Was there a way I could make a living and be happy doing it? Was that even possible?
From waitressing, I knew bartending was where the real money was, and I did that for a while, until I didn’t. It wasn’t thrilling like when I first started; if anything, it messed with my sleep schedule — starting work at 5 pm and getting home by 2 am, sleeping all afternoon, then repeating the cycle the next day. I was a night owl. I wasn’t about that life anymore.
While making a lot of money in the hospitality industry, I then settled for an office job at a hospital. At twenty-two years old, I was earning $22 an hour in 2013, with a 3.5% raise per year. I was bored out of my mind, but I was winning financially.
When I finally decided to finish college and became a Recreational Therapist — helping individuals (elderly) with disabilities, illnesses, or injuries participate in leisure activities to improve their physical, emotional, and mental well-being — I knew I always wanted to incorporate writing into my career path.
Too scared to start a blog, I built the courage to finally do it once I quit my job to become a stay-at-home mom. I figured I now have the time, as demanding as it is being a full-time mom, to get my words out there. Both are rewarding jobs.
As I move through this chapter of my life, juggling the joys of motherhood with my love for writing, I understand that the tug I felt all those years ago led me here — a moment where I can confidently recognize my value and chase my dreams without holding back.
I have no idea what’s next for me, and as I seek the next best thing, as I always do, I have to remind myself: life is not a race because ultimately, it’s never too late to chase what makes you come alive.
Consider the feelings that pull at you and the callings that keep nudging you forward. Believe that they’re leading you somewhere important. Even if things seem scary, trust in yourself.
Every experience, good or tough, is molding you into who you’re meant to be.