I’m a Total Wreck, but I Still Manage to Pull Off a Confident Appearance

Some days you just can’t keep it together and that’s okay

If it were up to me, the last thing I will do is leave my bed. All I want to do is eat…sleep…eat…sleep, repeat.

I’m a complete wreck.

Emotionally and physically, there is a lot is going on in my life at moment. Some people assume it must be a breakup. But it’s not. I haven’t been in a committed relationship for a while let alone have one that will overpower my ambition this way.

For once, I like to think is hormonal. Researchers found out that a decrease in testosterone can make you feel hopeless, depressed, and irritated. Yes, women have testosterone too, for those of you who don’t know. Also when your testosterone is low, you experience a low sex drive, which is how I’m feeling.

I mean, I’m the type that goes for one-night stands if the worse comes to worst and I need to get over someone. But this time, I don’t even have the urge. Can you imagine that? Me, no desire for sex. I can’t feel my body. I’m not excited to go out and I look like shit. Something is definitely not right in the universe.

I feel as if the world is closing in on me. Confidence is not a word I associate myself with right now.

But like my favorite girl said, you have to pretend even when you don’t feel confident. Rihanna always comes to mind on days like this. So I’m taking a page from her book to set myself straight.

You see, something good came out from owing up to my vulnerability.

I will keep writing and sharing my journey. Reflecting on my weaknesses and failures will do me no good. I know that. But it’s one thing to know worrying won’t help, and another thing is to act on a solution.

Well, I have only one plan at the moment and that is to read and write. However, I don’t walk around carrying books and pen.

Every day I make an effort to leave the house — stroll around and visit my friends. Once a week I go to the office. Yet when people see me, they can’t tell that I’m depressed. They speak to me and expect me to respond as the same strong confident woman they are used to seeing. Because of that, I show up in the same skin and I present myself as calmly as I used to regardless of the fact that I’m crushed inside.

It’s not easy for me to put on a fake appearance, but these tricks work in convincing people that I’m still holding up strong and confident.

Smile like the stars are falling

When it feels like your world is crumbling, the last thing on your mind is to smile.

At home, I’m grouchy. There’s no one to impress anyway. But outside, people are watching and counting on me.

Besides a smile makes people feel more comfortable around you. Therefore, I greet people with my smiles more than I do with words.

When I smile, it appears genuine and joyful because I think of happy times. Genuine smiles make you look nice and secure.

The secret to a genuine smile is in how you structure your face. You will notice a small crow’s feet at the side of your eye when you give a happy smile. Keep your tongue behind your lower teeth and lift your chin forward. I show my upper teeth because a broader smile makes me look warmer.

Avoid tilting your mouth sideways and don’t show your lower teeth.

I have learned to give genuine smiles from my years of modeling. You may need to practice more in the mirror to know which grin works for your facial structure.

Maintain a direct gaze

Your eyes tell a story. As the saying goes, “the eyes are the window to the soul.” Some people can guess what you are thinking just by looking into your eye. And I don’t mean the flirtation kind.

Eye contacts are not just for building intimate bonds, you can build trust and confidence by gazing into people’s eyes.

Looking into someone’s eyes when you speak to them shows your level of confidence. It shows that you feel relaxed and open to the person. We easily trust people who look into our eyes when they speak because we feel they are not hiding anything.

Your posture is also important when you are trying to appear confident.

How you present yourself can affect what your eyes say. For example, a curved shoulder and arched back will make your eyes appear closed and dreamy. People will think you are exhausted, shy, or insecure.

When I’m talking to someone, I stand or sit straight. I don’t slouch. I keep my chin upwards, I smile and I look directly at the black circle in one of the person’s eyes. You can look at the white corner of their eyes if that feels more comfortable.

I avoid looking into the person’s eyes for more than 5 seconds. And I take turns switching from one eye to another. It can be difficult to look at both eyes at the same time.

When I want to break my gaze, I laugh or nod in agreement with what they say. Although, gesturing with your hands can add a bit of poise when you want to switch eye contact during conversation.

Make sure you smell good

Imagine meeting someone for the first time and the smell of mackerel oozes from their body. How disgusting! For one, you see the person as dirty and lose interest in whatever they have to say.

That’s why I take the time to prepare myself before the week starts. Although I don’t have the energy to impress anybody, I still manage to fix myself up before going out.

The first step in bringing confidence into your body is how you smell. If you don’t smell good to yourself, don’t expect people to be around you.

Start by washing your clothes with a powerful detergent that makes your clothes smell awesome.

Aside from clean clothes, I make sure to drink plenty of water throughout the day to keep me hydrated and also to avoid bad breath. And I use shampoos and moisturizers with natural scents to keep my hair and skin fresh and clean.

Then I spray my closet with my favorite perfume once a week so even if I’m in a rush somewhere, I can pick an outfit and go out without spraying my body again.

When I forget to carry my fragrance out, I don’t worry about how I smell because the fragrance I use has a long-lasting smell. However, I do keep small-size hand soap in my purse often. It has become a habit since Covid. I’m very meticulous about my hygiene.

Wear comfortable colors

You may not know this but colors add a touch to your self-confidence. They can make you feel happy, sad, anxious, or calm. And the people around feel the same way when they see you wear colors that reflect how you feel.

I’m not a professional stylist but I do know red color gives a positive vibe. Not only do you look attractive in red, you feel positive about yourself when you dress up in red. Whether is red lipstick, red shoes, or red clothes.

I don’t need people to feel sorry for me. So to avoid that kind of attention, throughout this period of my mental struggle and I will be wearing clothes that not only make me comfortable but also give people a positive vibe.

I have removed clothes in shades of grey, purple, brown, and blue from my closet.

I will be wearing more of yellow, white, red, orange, pink, and green from now on. Red and black are too loud but I can wear them if I need to. However, I want to look confident without drawing attention to myself.

I have also taken time to pick out fabrics that will allow my skin to breathe to avoid sweating in the middle of the day. Bright color outfits in cotton, silk, and wool fabrics boost your energy and confidence.

I feel amazing and emotionally strong regardless of what’s happening inside my head when I step out in pink or white. I don’t wear all black unless it is a lacy gown. And I over-accessorize when I wear all black.

Give a warm hug or handshake

Body contact is a great way of showing high energy in yourself. For a professional date, a handshake set a more friendly tone in your conversation.

A handshake or hug exudes trustworthiness from one person to another. It gives people a sense of belonging.

From a breezy handshake to a bro hug, down to a perky kiss, physical communication activates certain hormones in our body that boost self-awareness and self-love.

Although most people no longer participate in physical greetings, still it’s a pleasant way of telling someone “you trust them and they can trust you.”

Despite my emotional state, I give people hugs and kisses like I usually do. But if I don’t know you too well, I go with a simple handshake or smile.

Hormones or not, there are days when we feel depressed. But somehow we keep going amidst the chaos happening within and around us.