If You Want to Feel Successful, Embrace Your Imposter Syndrome

What is your imposter syndrome actually telling you?

My Experience

I read job descriptions and look for requirements that make me feel incompetent because I’m confident I always do. I don’t pitch my articles to big magazines because I’m sure they’ll reject me — after all, I’m a recent college graduate with not much experience.

I fall victim to self-serving bias and low self-esteem, in which I assume my successes are because of external factors rather than my strengths. I expect myself to fail and I just know people will watch it happen. I struggle a lot with anxiety, whether it be social, general, or performance-related.

If you knew me growing up, this might surprise you. I took several advanced placement classes, played on the volleyball team, earned my Gold Award in Girl Scouts, and was one of the top students in my class.

But somehow, that wasn’t enough. So much focus in my younger years was placed upon achievements, expectations, and “doing your best” — which didn’t always allow for mental health breaks and difficult subjects. If I didn’t get an A, I “surely” didn’t do my best.

I internalized these thoughts, often worrying I never was and never would be enough. Sometimes I’d receive accolades and feel surprised, as if I didn’t deserve them. I felt like my success didn’t mean I was smart or capable.

In other words, I struggle with imposter syndrome.

What Imposter Syndrome Looks Like

Imposter syndrome is a phenomenon in which people believe they don’t have the skills or intelligence needed to carry out a task or do their job. They fear people will find out they’re a “fraud.” They rarely feel qualified enough to be where they are in their career, and they’re just waiting for others to notice.

What’s ironic, however, is the people who deal with this most are high-achievers who believe the amount of success they achieve is never enough or it resulted from luck rather than their capabilities.

They’re perfectionists. They likely grew up in a household that emphasized achievements and engaged in a mix of too much criticism and too much praise.

People with imposter syndrome experience the opposite of self-serving bias; they attribute their successes to luck and their failures to their abilities. They also tend to struggle more when they’re trying something new and experiencing self-doubt.

If You Struggle, You’re Not Alone

Many people struggle with imposter syndrome. According to a research paper in the Journal of Behavioral Science, 70 percent of Americans experience it. Millennials can be even more likely to struggle: In the UK, a third of millennials — 12 million people — experience it.

Unfortunately, this makes sense: On the younger end, millennials are new to the “real world” and have little to no experience in the job market. They likely receive many rejections and may work with people who have been in the business for decades.

As a recent college graduate who deals with imposter syndrome often, I know how emotional and real it feels. I never truly feel satisfied. If a publication accepts my work, I assume they accept most people’s work. If a publication rejects my work, I feel down, like I’ll never have success or be good enough.

Imposter Syndrome in a Pandemic

Pandemics, like the one we’re in now, can exacerbate imposter syndrome. According to psychologists, that’s perfectly normal. We’re feeling extra pressure to do well at our jobs so we don’t lose them, we’re trying out alternative career paths, we’re experiencing rejection and hiring freezes, and we’re full of uncertainty in many areas of our lives.

Now is an especially key time to not judge ourselves for struggling and to work on healthy, insightful ways to view unhelpful thoughts.

Embracing Imposter Syndrome

My partner and friends have worked hard to help me fight my imposter syndrome. They remind me of my accomplishments and all I’m involved in; they remind me I’m more than enough.

To some degree, to overcome imposter syndrome, we have to remind ourselves how wrong those thoughts are, utilizing facts and logic. We have to remind ourselves we can’t determine our worth by what we do.

This self-talk is difficult. After working hard at it, I considered another option: What if I embrace my imposter syndrome?

What if I treat those imposter thoughts like friends, welcoming their presence and trying to understand where they’re coming from? What if I rejoice in those imposter thoughts and don’t let them beat me down? What if I let them be, or even appreciate their positive aspects?

I think a healthy relationship with imposter syndrome is possible.

To maintain boundaries, we need to remember the following five insights:

1. To handle our imposter thoughts better, we can’t judge them or ourselves.

When we judge our thoughts or ourselves for having them, we only exacerbate our emotions, ruminating on the negative. Instead, accept your imposter thoughts, get curious about where they come from, and move on with new thoughts and distractions.

A helpful avenue for this is called radical acceptance, a dialectical behavior therapy tool. With radical acceptance, we think about the troubling thought or event and what caused it, then accept our feelings and try to make a proactive plan for next time.

Also, psychologist Audrey Ervin suggests considering if the thought is helpful or not. “Simply observing that thought as opposed to engaging it” can be helpful, she says. “I encourage clients to ask ‘Does that thought help or hinder me?’”

2. If we understand where our imposter thoughts come from, we can be more self-compassionate.

When we realize our imposter thoughts likely result from our childhood, we can realize the thoughts come from hurt and fear, not facts. We can feel compassion for our younger self, who likely didn’t feel good enough and worked hard for approval. We can gently handle our emotions and worries, knowing that’s all they are. We are bigger than those emotions and worries, and we can overcome them. We can remind ourselves they aren’t based in truth.

3. If we’re experiencing imposter syndrome, it’s likely because we’re trying something new or putting ourselves out there — which is something to celebrate.

Imposter syndrome often pops up when we’re trying something new and trying to grow. No one is perfect, and we all have to start somewhere. We’ll feel better if we remember to be proud of ourselves for trying.

4. Within healthy limits, imposter syndrome can push us to work hard and improve.

Rephrasing imposter thoughts can benefit us rather than hurt us. Instead of thinking “I failed and I shouldn’t try again, because I’m not good enough,” try thinking “We all experience rejection. What can I improve on the next time I try?”

5. We can interact with imposter syndrome, acknowledging what it said and answering it with logic and previous successes.

When our imposter syndrome reminds us of our failures and mistakes, we can remind ourselves that even the most successful people experienced rejection and unemployment. We can remember all of our achievements and the signs of our intelligence. We can say, “I hear you, but I don’t agree with you. I’ve succeeded in X and Y, and I’m enough, regardless of what I can do.”

You Can Feel Better

If you struggle with imposter syndrome, you’re far from alone. Many people struggle with it, even if it doesn’t seem that way. Stop looking at LinkedIn posts and engage with your imposter syndrome in healthy, helpful ways. Know what you do doesn’t define you and realize your imposter syndrome is lying to you. Focus on what you love about yourself, be compassionate, and don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Embrace your imposter syndrome while keeping your boundaries in mind.

“The goal is not to never feel like an imposter,” says expert and author Valerie Young. She believes the goal is to give people “the tools and the insight and information to talk themselves down faster.”

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself; realize you’ll have ups and downs, and that’s okay. Your best is more than enough.

Ultimately, know this: You’re not an imposter. You’re great just the way you are, and you can handle these fears and tough emotions.