If You Ever Felt Like an Outsider, Trying to Be Noticed is Extra Hard

You cannot just jump into being visible, you must first do a little self-work.

“Be the sun and all will see you.” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Day 27/100: Gratitude today for having overcome the fear of getting noticed and turning it into my purpose.

I grew up in the less diversity-aware era of the mid 70s/80s. As a British Indian, my instinct was to remain hidden. Mainly to avoid attracting racist abuse. My goal was not to seek out attention.

This was in stark contrast to the nature of this current climate where high visibility is normalised — expected even — especially in professional contexts, and for me, that has meant a major adjustment to how I live and work. And I believe it’s no less a challenge for similar others.

It’s tempting to hide behind your fear of getting noticed. And to convince yourself that you prefer to be in the shadows. Or that you don’t need recognition. But it can be a bitter pill to swallow when you then see people more comfortable with the spotlight going further in their professional life. Because unfortunately, it’s a competitive world in which we are forced to fight for approval through arbitrary online responses, one where a thumbs up or heart icon carry the ultimate value so that great work neither speaks for itself nor recommends you alone.

I think when you have experienced being an outsider, subconsciously you crave acceptance: to feel just as normal as everyone else because you’ve probably spent a lot of time wishing you weren’t different. But it’s complicated: to reconcile the need for social belonging and professional recognition with the desire to be safely low-profile, can feel like an internal conflict, especially if you want to put yourself out there to some degree. I have worked with plenty of people who are trapped between an ambition to be noticed in their professions while harbouring an instinct to bolt from the unwanted possibility of exposure.

What I found to be true and required me to accept accountability for, was that my discomfort was usually mine alone. I was wearing my self consciousness like a uniform. And sometimes as my armour. I think all so called outsiders have a tendency to do that. You are hardwired to feel like the alien and to expect rejection. You hardly notice that you contract in anticipation of that. Even if some people do treat you differently, where it began and who started what is not – or perhaps should not be – the main focus if your aim is to be successfully visible.

Successful visibility requires you to be comfortable in your own skin. It’s instantly disarming and attractive. If you have grown up feeling quite the opposite, then that really should become a primary goal, side by side with – if not before – developing your public presence.

You must seek to reclaim your identity from those experiences when perhaps you were negatively singled out because of your differences. You must understand that that is a trauma that you don’t get to heal unless you accept responsibility for facing it yourself. No matter how unfair it seems; professional progress is not a game where calling out those who have an unfair advantage helps you get closer to the finish line, for justice serves a separate, albeit valid, purpose. Your intentions must be clear. Because, in terms of your success and being noticed positively, it’s about how you stay resolutely determined to win against those odds by unapologetically investing maximum faith in yourself and the belief in your rightful worthiness of success – because no one else will do that for you.

But, on the flip side, without doing that pre-healing, and instead, throwing yourself into situations where you are required to stand out, perhaps to speak up, can be a massive trigger for you.

Your goal, in terms of recognition, should not be an effort to gain external validation, but instead to achieve that sense of peace with who you are and your deserving place in this Universe.

You must own who you really are. Not for anyone else, or in spite of anyone else, but for you. With that powerful, self assured energy, you will stand out in a way that speaks volumes without uttering a word.

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