Don’t Swallow Your Words, Get Used to the Discomfort of Releasing Them

Exposing yourself is how you grow to become confidently visible and self accepting.

“Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?” — Charles Bukowski

Day 34/100: Gratitude today for finding the courage to share my truth through the written word.

On two occasions this week I have felt exposed. Both after sharing my thoughts on topics that I find many of us are tentative to speak up on.

Take my article, I Don’t Need the Bar Lowered for Me, Thanks That was a tough write. Because it was deeply personal; there were sub-topics that I covered that revealed parts of my personal history I have barely spoken about. And others where I felt like I had walked out onto a plank, blindfolded, and might be pushed, at any moment, into the sea.

All this reminded me of how, before I wrote on a daily basis — even before this current 100 day challenge — when I was just beginning another visibility exercise that led to me writing my feelings publicly for 888 days, how filled with dread I was once I posted that first story. I was imagining people might laugh, disagree or be offended, somehow. And I poured more energy into that fear than into any deserved celebration for having successfully put myself out there. The subsequent positive responses from readers helped me write another and another, until before I knew it, I was posting my last piece on day 888.

So my codependence was, this week, triggered after years. I felt exposed. And yet, I was the one who had made that uncovering action. No one had blindsided me and pulled back a curtain to shame me. But those are the growth pains we all have to go through as we reveal who we are before reaching eventual self acceptance. It’s a rite of passage. I believe this self acceptance can be tested many times throughout our life, hence my recent triggering.

Of course, in truth, you have every right to sharing your feelings without the fear of being vilified or abandoned. But there is also a good side to this when it happens. It allows you to see what self work you need to do, to tend to those fears, get curious about them, allow them to come up so you can begin to release them. It’s a necessary healing. A catharsis.

When I think back, way back to when I was a young kid, there were times when I didn’t care about any consequences of sharing my feelings or showing the parts of me that might be different to others. There was a brief time, very early on, when I enjoyed revealing my personality, my way of thinking and looking at the world. I was given gold stars for pictures I had drawn, warm smiles and words of encouragement for the little handmade books I made, and laughter for the silliness I shared — even on a stage.

And then everything changed.

Stuff happened. I became shy, self conscious, nervous and anxious. Quiet. Fearful of trying to be better and speaking up. I swallowed my words. And that became a habit. The experiences that led to all this, whilst painful, have a rightful place in my history and led to who I am now because they caused me to invest in healing those weaknesses. So today, I am grateful for all of it. Triggering included.

Your words reveal the essence of who you are now and the identity you are growing into. There is no point in assessing them as right or wrong, because that will always lead to self censoring. Your words are gateways to learning. They must be released in order for you to figure things out, not least on how you feel about a subject. They are your valuable insight into you. And just like any relationship you wish to strengthen, the one you have with yourself must be no less healthy and honest. And that starts with owning your feelings and voice.

Thank you for reading this article. If you enjoyed it and would like to read more motivational writing with a focus on self acceptance and becoming more visible, then… follow me on Medium here, subscribe to Medium here or feel free to buy me a coffee here. Grateful for you!