Don’t Wait to Be Recognised, Validate Yourself

If you always seek outside endorsement, your confidence will be superficial and vulnerable to the world’s fickle ways.

“What makes people weak? Their need for validation and recognition, they need to feel important. Don’t get caught in this trap.” — Paulo Coelho

Day 32/100: Gratitude today for breaking free of the dependency on external approval.

There was a time when I needed validation before making any kind of choice, not just professional ones, but even what to select from a restaurant menu. I had lost considerable sense of self identity at that time. I was unsure about every step. Consequently I felt frozen in indecision on a daily basis. And that had me feeling like a kind of fake.

But today I want to share my path to self validation — in particular, owning my expertise. That meant consciously putting myself in the driving seat of my business by adding a little positive self pressure: I had to make decisions quickly and not allow myself to look backwards at them. I even practised in the supermarket! Where once I would spend an inordinate amount of time walking the aisles, picking things up and putting them back again, I didn’t allow myself the luxury of overthinking and forced myself to make instant decisions and be good with them.

Like many people I thought expertise was about titles and letters after your name or being invited onto panels. Whilst I think that’s all great, it’s not actually the point. Expertise is a feeling within you. And it develops in how you allow yourself to embody and communicate it. As it grows, a deeper core confidence is cultivated.

And yet, in those early days, the idea of awarding myself that status could threaten to send me into an imposter syndrome panic attack. Until I started to see things differently.

Because it is all related to the lenses with which you view yourself and rightful place among other accomplished individuals. With those glasses, you have to take inventory and unearth all your achievements, strengths and personal attributes. In doing so, you can then see what others no doubt do, but don’t necessarily tell you. Because, interestingly, people around you usually assume you are aware of your own proficiencies. So if you’re waiting for your boss to acknowledge and reward you, for example, you might be waiting a long time.

More importantly than viewing yourself through the gaze of others’ though, is self recognising. Fairly and self lovingly assessing your strengths in contrast to the areas requiring improvement. But this doesn’t prevent you from acknowledging your own specialisms. And investing in them. You do have them. We all do.

Without owning your expertise, it’s hard to promote yourself, let alone sell anything else. You’ll be immobilised by a feeling of unworthiness that can have you lacking in the self trust to share your opinions, volunteer for leadership, seek a better position or pitch your ideas to bosses and services to clients. So, in a professional context you can easily stagnate. And that naturally hinders your personal development as well.

The trouble is, if you don’t allow yourself to develop your expertise and let it be seen, it’s a fast track to being unnoticed by others. Your lack of self belief is communicated outwardly and felt by others subconsciously.

If you want to be taken seriously, you have to be the first one to do so. You have to let go of your smallness in order to develop your greatness.

I believe it’s important to walk in the shoes of your expert self, to allow yourself to get used to being that identity. Give yourself the first break you require. Shine a light on your own assets, bright enough for others to see them.

Be the method actor performing as the accomplished expert that you are and fully immerse yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually into that role, with equal portions of grace and humility.

Don’t wait for recognition, give it to yourself.

Thank you for reading this article. If you enjoyed it and would like to read more motivational writing with a focus on self acceptance and becoming more visible, then… follow me on Medium here, subscribe to Medium here or feel free to buy me a coffee here. Grateful for you!