If He Says He’s Not Looking for Something Serious, Believe Him

Steps to avoid falling for mixed signals.

O n your first date, he said he wasn’t looking for anything serious. You thought he was joking.

The next day, he takes you to see a movie. He treats you with affection, calls you first thing in the morning, makes you breakfast when he sleeps over, and buys you expensive gifts.

You feel there is a connection between you two. You love how he makes you feel. Now you convince yourself that you two are destined to be together.

So you wait for the perfect time to move in together. You raise the idea. He’s shrewd- shocked by the idea of living together permanently.

He says he needs time to think things through. But you never heard back from him.

Some days later, he calls you and wants to hang out. He acts like nothing ever happened.

He still behaves like the same loving guy you knew, except he never responded positively to your request to move in with him.

Let’s face it, mixed signals, constant questioning, second-guessing can seriously be draining and bloody exhausting.

And that repetitive negative doubt certainly isn’t healthy to your mind and self-esteem, let alone for a long-lasting relationship.

How to build a healthy relationship

We all go through complicating daily life. Sometimes, people come up with logical reasons why they can’t emotionally invest or why they need to take a break.

Men are logical about their feelings and actions. Women, on the other hand, like to overanalyze everything.

Whatever reason that prevents a man from being with you is valid. But the problem is when men are honest about why they can’t be with a woman, she takes it as a problem that needs solving.

Sometimes we turn a simple “I just want some space after work” into “So you’re saying you don’t like spending time with me?”

For example, a guy I met over the weekend told me he won’t be able to see me till next weekend because he’s busy. I told him I would stop by his place since I will be free.

The expression on his face made me chew my words. He seemed bothered by my suggestion, so I did not push any further.

Most women would have insisted on having their way and visit anyway. But I chose to honor my integrity, finished my lunch with him, said my byes.

Men tend to give you mixed signals when they are either not interested and want to keep you as backup or confused about what they want or just want to play around.

This behavior can be very frustrating, and it can become difficult to deal with that hot and cold attitude.

Instead of trying to understand his feeling, prepare your mind to know when an attraction doesn’t lead to compatibility.

Allowing your relationship to go through these four stages of a healthy relationship will weed out any mixed signals you get from a man.

Admiration stage

At this stage, both of you are attracted to each other. You forgive everything in these early stages.

You overlook each other’s flaws. Maybe they leave their dirty dishes in the sink, but they make you laugh at least daily, so it’s okay.

Most women get carried away at this early stage. They start building fantasies and impose their expectations on the man. And when their expectations fail, they feel heartbroken and disappointed.

Your objective at this stage should be to discover a reliable way to communicate kindly about emotionally charged topics rather than build on your expectations.

Connection stage

When we are attracted to someone, our brains release high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine, making us giddy, energetic, and euphoric.

Sexual chemistry is usually obvious at this stage of a relationship.

Unfortunately, when some couples are attracted to each other in a passionate and physical way, one may want a longer relationship, and the other may be content to keep it strictly physical and short term.

Navigating this stage with increased awareness, courageous communication, great care, and intention is important.

Commitment stage

This stage is a deeper, more mature form than in the connection stage. You begin to experience a beautiful balance of love, belonging, fun, power, and freedom.

Commitment is not necessarily about marriage or having kids.

In this stage, you fully surrender to the reality that you and your partner are human and that your relationship will have shortcomings as a result.

Your goal is to build a healthy attachment style. That means you are socially comfortable, trust others, have good self-esteem, and share your feelings with not just yourselves but with friends and family.

Compatibility stage

Once you’ve learned how to fight in a way that both of you win, you move to the stability stage.

You’re fine with your partner being different from you at this final stage.

You both have clear boundaries, and you need to learn mutual respect. If you don’t, the hurtful patterns of your power struggle will keep haunting you.

When you have truly resolved your differences and are on the same page, the thrill of being loved returns.

Remember that all growth requires change and getting out of your comfort zone. You can continue to grow together by consciously creating new shared experiences.

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