Relationships/Intimacy
I Woke My Husband Up For Sex — But Got Something Else Instead
Sometimes we need the cover of night to mask our true selves.
It was the middle of the night—1:46 am. I was going through my usual ritual of waking up and proceeding to worry about every single thing in my life that I couldn’t figure out or that I felt I needed to fix.
From interactions with friends, acquaintances, and even strangers — to serious life-and-death dilemmas, I quite often lay awake in the middle of the night fretting over how I could have said or done things differently in my daily life.
But on this particular night, I decided to change my routine. I decided that the only answer to easing my anxiety and getting back to sleep was an act that would relieve the appropriate tension as well as get me the human touch I needed.
Sex.
So, I slowly caressed my husband awake, getting him up quite promptly — pun intended.
We proceeded to get busy on an intimate level, and the mood became adequately passionate.
Unfortunately, after many minutes of tangled cuddling, frenzied kissing, and intercourse, neither of us could reach a climax. My husband was waiting on me and I couldn’t focus at all.
And that’s when it happened.
I burst into tears. Emotions that came seemingly out of nowhere took over. Salty drops were pouring out of my eyes uncontrollably.
My husband held me. He rocked me. He said nothing until my sobbing finally subsided.
“That’s what you needed.” He said.
I laughed through my tears. “No, I needed sex,” I said, not fully convinced of my statement.
“No, you needed THIS.” He retorted. “You have something buried in there that’s triggering all your frustrations lately. I’m not sure what it is, but it's in there. It’s something you need to let go of.”
He was right.
Many things were going on with me. Parenting. My middle-aged- hormones. My daughter’s pre-teen hormones. Being a stepmother to an older teen trying to figure out his life. My difficulty grappling with the challenges of aging as a woman while also trying to reclaim my identity — which felt like it was slipping farther and farther away each moment that passed by.
Yup. I was having some issues.
Yet, in that moment, my husband saw me. He felt me. It wasn’t just about having an orgasm. It was about connecting as two people, which isn’t easy to do while navigating a functional suburban life, working hard for the money to pay for it, and raising two children together.
My husband and I talked and held one another for almost two hours.
In the middle of the night, when I thought all I wanted was physical gratification, I ended up getting more than I bargained for. I was able to surrender to emotional intimacy in a way that’s not easy for me. In those dark, pre-dawn hours my husband and I connected in a way we hadn’t done for many, many months.
Sometimes we need the cover of night to mask our true selves, while at the same time, feeling comfortable enough to bare our innermost vulnerabilities. Sometimes, relationships just need an unexpected wake-up call in the dark.