Relationships/Advice

Feel Like You Suck At Relationships? — Here’s How You Can Reboot A Sour Attitude

How to evolve your relationship patterns.

This is not going to be a rant about how people who keep experiencing failed relationships suck at picking romantic partners.

This is going to be about why many people are picking unhealthy partners for themselves over and over again.

I should know. I did it for years.

The answer seems simple now, looking back. It was my lack of self-esteem combined with inexperience — a somewhat deadly combination as far as relationships go.

Granted, some of the partners I picked were indeed rotten personalities with deal-breaker-type behaviors. However, as I got older I realized that those bad relationships were just really bad choices on my part. They don’t define who I am. I don’t suck at relationships. I just needed to learn how to make better relationship choices.

Of course, one person in any given relationship may have committed more offenses than the other and in many cases such as what I experienced, one person was abusive. However, the goal is to grow and learn from these terrible experiences so we don’t keep making the same mistakes over and over again —

To leave an abusive relationship where you are being hurt and humiliated is a brave and terrifying thing, I know. But what I want so many people out there to know is that you don’t have to keep repeating the pattern of choosing partners who aren’t good for you.

But you have to do some hard work on your own first. Inner work is necessary to have enough self-awareness to be able to identify what you want from a partner — and what you can give back to them.

You’ve got to be honest with yourself. You need to recognize your toxic traits (we all have them) and realize that sometimes YOU are the one who may need to change your behavior.

You need to register those ‘red flags’ as soon as they come up with a potential partner. I know this can be especially tough when there’s a major physical attraction and you get swept away — but it’s very important not to ignore red flags that could be harmful to you mentally, emotionally, or even physically.

You may need to take a complete break from dating and relationships for a while. Exercise, hang out with friends, create passion projects, or perhaps go to therapy. Learn how to make yourself content and secure on your own instead of expecting a romantic partner to fulfill your needs or make you feel better about yourself.

A healthy partner will compliment what you’ve already got going on and you will hopefully do the same for them.

Yes, there are some people out there who do seem to create more harm than good — especially in the relationship realm. And sometimes we truly don’t see a wolf in sheep’s clothing in the dating world until it’s too late.

Ultimately, we need to slow down and take stock of patterns and choices — both for ourselves and our potential partner(s)

Relationships are not easy. You don’t need to beat yourself up if you’ve had some bad ones. Pick up the pieces of your less-than-ideal relationships the best you can. Learn from those mistakes, know your worth, and realize that it IS possible to identify the best version of yourself who will one day be loved and appreciated by a healthy partner who has done their inner work as well.

Good luck out there!

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