I Will Move Slow Until I Come Back Alive
Notes from my daily photography experiments #7
I feel apprehensive to write about dreams because most people aren't interested in them unless they are their own. I had hoped that today would be a fluid stream of checking things off my to-do list, but my ocular migraines prevented me from doing so. They led me down a road of blurry vision and partial blindness, all the way to a nap that I hoped would rectify my eyes and headache for the day.
But alas, I woke up feeling like my whole head had been dipped into the ink that black holes are painted with. My dream came flooding back to me, with a fine incomprehensible mixture of eating mint chocolate, sliding down fireman poles that ran downwards for miles, getting lost in train stations, masturbation, shopping for groceries, and accidentally shoplifting. I didn’t know where one started and the other began.
Today I wanted to do a lot of things, including finish the book Awakening by Kate Chopin, with its seductive prose spilling from the pages, over my hands, and into my eyes. Not to mention the unending list of props to create, as well as rooms to clean. (The messes are self-induced, daily)
But since the fog is still floating around my head, I will wait a little bit. I will move slowly, and try to check things off my list leisurely, and not persecute my body and mind for things I couldn’t prevent.
For today, I will move slowly until I come back alive, until the creaking of my bones cease, until the blood floods my muscles, making them pliant and flexible. Only when the fog is lifted from my eyes, and until I can see clearly again I don’t have to ask myself, “Am I happy?”
I will pick up my pencils slowly, and write out what is left for my blurry week. I will take one more step towards the completion of what I hope will complete me.
It is with this slowness and lack of urgency that I will go through my day. I will reward myself with cookies and wash it down with the new Bob Ross documentary on Netflix.
Technical Comments: Lens: 16–80mm Shutter speed: 100 F Stop: 6.3 ISO 800
DAILY PHOTO EXPERIMENTS: Day 1: A Week of Mimicking Flowers Day 2: The Optimism of a Watermelon Day 3: The White Flowers That Danced Before The Night Sky Day 4: A Celebration of Procrastination Day 5: The Statue That Looked More Human Than I Felt Day 6: Today I Made A Tree