I Watched That New Porn Musical

I just had to see for myself

I don’t watch musicals.

Well, that’s not true.

I like Grease and A Nightmare Before Christmas. Other than those two, though, no musical has managed to entertain me.

I’m not all that fond of the music in them, and I don’t really understand how my husband can enjoy show tunes as much as he does. I also don’t have the suspension of disbelief that’s needed to watch actors break out in song and not feel like it’s just cheesy.

If I find out a movie is a musical or a period piece, I won’t watch it. It just doesn’t appeal to me.

But then I learned that Brazzers released a short musical and I just couldn’t resist.

You Had Me at “Porn Musical”

I came across it on Twitter. If you keep up with the world of mainstream porn at all, you might have seen it, too.

It’s the third installment in Brazzers’ Porn Logic series. These videos are highly self-referential. They take a common porn trope and exaggerate it.

Porn Logic is set in a workplace where everyone finds a thin excuse to fuck. Porn Logic 2 had basically the same concept, except it was set in a university classroom.

Part 3 makes fun of step-sibling fauxcest porn. Only, this time it does it with a musical number.

I saw the safe-for-work preview on YouTube. The little segment was genuinely funny, with the performers singing a song called “A Step Away.”

The song is about the general premise behind these scenes. They’re not really related — they’re “a step away / and that’s what makes it all okay.”

It pokes fun at the typical setup:

My mother just got married

And now I’m getting laid

My stepdad has a son, you see

And he fucks me every day

And the absurdity of the whole thing:

We’re two adults in our parents’ home

So how come they never hear us bone?

It was silly. It was a little goofy. And it was one of the best things I watched on YouTube that day.

Porn Logic and Porn Logic 2 were both released on April Fool’s Day, but I guess they couldn’t wait that long to release this one. I can’t blame them — I couldn’t wait to watch it, either. If only so I could answer all the questions I had after watching the musical number.

Are they going to sing while having sex?

Are the mom and dad going to get involved or are they just secondary characters?

Straight porn usually ends with a cumshot, but how does a porn musical end anyway? Do they bust out in song after he busts a nut?

I went to the Brazzers site to find out.

Nice Singing, But What Else Can You Do With That Mouth?

The scene opens with the musical number that was on YouTube. And the first thing that stuck out to me were the ages of the two leads. Lacy Lennon is 23, but her step-brother is played by Quinton James, who is ten years older than her.

Clearly, this is porn aimed at men because I don’t know a lot of straight women who fantasize about a guy in his mid-30s who still lives with his parents.

Once they’re done singing, we’re back to regular porn land and the two leads start fucking.

It’s not a bad scene at all. It’s highly vocal, with wall-to-wall dirty talk from Lacy Lennon, if that’s your thing.

Maybe the most interesting thing about it is that we’re given two scenes of pussy eating that end in orgasm. That’s two more than you get in a lot of mainstream porn scenes (but I guess it makes sense because I since found out that Quinton James’s Twitter bio reads “MY TONGUE IS A HUMAN HITACHI.”)

But the big draw is still that it’s a musical. It’s funny, it’s extra playful, and highlights the fact that this is all just roleplaying. In a weird way, it makes the fauxcest angle seem sweeter (even though the sex is still intense).

I really only have one complaint, and it has nothing to do with the video. I have no idea if it’s because I just don’t know how to use the internet or if this is what I get for never reading the fine print, but I paid for the two-day $2 Brazzers trial so I could access the video. But to watch the actual video, I had to shell out another $1.99.

It’s pretty bad when there’s a bit of gagging (not my jam at all) but that’s not the worst part of my experience.

Still, I’m glad I watched it. Plus, now I have all my porn musical questions answered.

There were no other songs.

They didn’t sing while fucking.

The parents don’t fuck, either.

And this porn musical ends with a cumshot and Lacy Lennon whispering “A step away” as the scene fades out.

I’m still not a fan of musicals, but if anything changes my mind about that, it will be porn. If the songs were always this funny and ended in some decent fucking, I might not turn them down so quickly.

I still won’t watch a period piece, though, no matter how much boning there is.

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