I Watched That Fire Noodle Porn Video

It was more spicy hot than sexy hot

I never thought I’d watch someone get fucked while eating noodles. And yet here we are.

Three years ago, I discovered mukbang videos.

No, it’s not a subgenre of porn. In a nutshell, they’re videos of people eating.

There’s an ASMR component to a lot of them, where part of the point isn’t just watching someone eat but also listening to them chew, crunch, slurp, and gulp their way through a meal.

Most of them, though, are essentially binge-eating videos, where a YouTuber will eat through a punishing amount of food on camera.

Those types of mukbangs didn’t appeal to me. The only eating sound I can enjoy is crunching, but I’m not going to watch a video of someone eating potato chips while wearing a mic to get that experience. And seeing someone force and burp their way through a pile of food just makes me uncomfortable.

That’s why I could never get into Epic Meal Time. Miss me with that shit.

My introduction to mukbangs was a lot different. I first got into them through a YouTuber named MommyTang. Her videos would start with her preparing and cooking a vegan meal, and then eating it while talking about her life.

They were like recipe videos but much less staged, or like storytime videos but much more casual.

A few other YouTubers I watch started doing them in the same style, too. The trend has mostly died out, but I enjoyed it while it lasted.

Since then, I haven’t thought about mukbangs all that much. That changed the other day when I logged into Pornhub.

Finally, a Fukbang

Sometimes, an algorithm just gets you.

YouTube presents you with videos you didn’t even know you wanted to watch, or a targeted ad that feels a little too targeted.

Scrolling through Pornhub rarely feels that way.

The site gives me tailored recommendations, but they’re always full of stuff I don’t find appealing or actively turn me off. No matter how much of my data they gather, my feed is still full of deepthroating and gagging, bad gonzo videos with poor lighting, and all manner of choking and slapping.

But when it recommended a video called Fire Noodle Challenge while getting Fucked, I had that same feeling I get sometimes when I look at my YouTube sidebar: I would have never searched for this, but I’m sure as fuck gonna click on it.

I never thought anyone would combine a mukbang with sex, but here it was: a fukbang.

I didn’t entirely know what to expect, but the concept was very weird, very 2019, and I just had to see it for myself.

Plus, it has 3.1 million views, so it’s gotta be good, right?

The Play By Play

The video is by Miss Banana and opens with her mixing the spicy sauce into a bowl of prepared noodles.

Ironically, given the site this is hosted on, this part of the video doesn’t feel like food porn. It’s kind of bland and the camera work is shaky. The noodles also look a little overcooked for my taste, but I can overlook that since I’m not the one who’ll be eating them while banging.

Miss Banana then declares that she will do the fire noodle challenge “with a twist — I’m going to get fucked while I’m eating this.”

Smash cut to her delivering on that promise. Miss Banana is on her knees, getting it doggystyle while using chopsticks with admirable dexterity (especially considering she’s getting fucked).

Although most of the video has non-stop sex (and a little spanking), I wouldn’t say it’s an arousing scene. Still, I can’t stop watching because she is just a goddamn champ when it comes to handling the spice. You can tell she finds eating the hot noodles uncomfortable, but she keeps her composure better than most of the people I’ve seen in fire noodle challenge videos.

I had to wonder if getting fucked was causing her body to release pain-killing hormones. But I wasn’t about to pause the video to google it.

Like your average porn video, there’s a lot of moaning, heavy breathing, and quiet whining. In this one, though, it’s clearly due to the noodles, not the sex. And when Miss Banana utters “Oh, what the fuck, it hurts!” it’s comforting to know that it’s just because of what she’s eating.

Probably the best part of the video comes at the halfway mark. The unnamed fella who is diligently fucking her asks “Want some milk?” She turns down the offer, though, because this woman is nothing if not goddamn dedicated.

I was ready to unconditionally endorse the video. It’s silly and a good way to waste six minutes or so.

But then, I watched the last 30 seconds.

It’s the twist that no one wanted. After finishing the noodles and proudly displaying the empty bowl and mouth (pornstars like prove they swallowed everything), we cut to Miss Banana panting from the spice while the unnamed co-star ejaculates in a glass.

He hands her the glass, she downs its and declares “That didn’t help!” He gives the camera an inexplicable thumbs up and that wraps it up.

I watched this unfold while simultaneously thinking “No, no, no…” and “What the fuck happened to the milk he offered!?”

So, consider this a partial endorsement. Unless you’re the type of person who’s into weird stuff with semen, click away after the last bite.

I’m Here for Fun Porn

I don’t think I’ll ever look for more videos of people fucking while eating. It’s one of those one-off things that I watch out of curiosity or for the sake of amusement but then I’ve had my fill.

(If fukbangs become a thing, though, I want credit for coining the term.)

Eating fire noodles while fucking falls into a subgenre of porn that seems to be more about silliness and novelty than sexiness.

I have no idea if that genre has a name, but I’m here for fun porn.

I’ve always loved it when sex was casual (which is not the same thing as having casual sex). I love romance and passion as much as the next gal, but I also love the confidence it takes to take the seriousness out of sex.

I also really connect with people who have a sense of humor. I’m not above cracking jokes when I’m naked with my husband, and laughing during sex doesn't kill the mood — it just makes me happy.

I like when porn reflects that. I love a script or scenario so absurd you just know everyone was laughing when they came up with it. I love when the performers don’t just seem to be getting off but also having fun.

The fire noodle challenge video — even though no one giggled or laughed — had that element of fun. So, I enjoyed it even though it didn’t turn me on.

The video didn’t make me want to have sex or reach down and get myself off while watching. But it must have had some effect on me — I just asked my husband if we could have noodles for supper.

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