Advice
I Was Born Tired So I Can Learn How To Rest
Yes, ditching the phone is the first step.
As always I was moved by another masterpiece from a prominent writer Felicia C. Sullivan. This lady has balls, and she has openly told everyone how the hell she chooses to live — offline, unbothered and on her own terms.
Many can agree, clap, perhaps even say the same, but only a small bunch of people would actually find the courage to do so. Like she did. And for that, and for her ever-inspiring writing I am her biggest fan.
I thought of not writing this article. Because of the obvious reasons right? What if someone thinks that I am trying to gain attention from Felicia C. Sullivan or other prominent writers such as Tre L. Loadholt.
The right thing the majority would say would be to write about something else and not tag or mention these amazing ladies. But you know what, I am tired of what I should or should not write about.
I even thought of writing about Novak Djokovic versus Australia, and even expressing my sympathy. But what if I do would I get judged? Of course, I would!
After all, the whole world is judging him and the world is judging you. Whenever you do something that is not “acceptable” in someone else’s eyes. You will be judged.
You know what? I am proud Montenegerin. And I’ve realized that I have a unique mentality that sets me apart from many. My superpower can be summed up in the four-letter word of a million meanings.
Originally this word means “persistence”, but in my dictionary, this word means “not giving a shit what I should or should not do or write”.
Maxwell Jordan is one of those writers who would agree with me and would never be a part of the sheep mentality.
This year I made a resolution that I will uphold. I’ve ditched the phone and along with it, I’ve ditched a lot of negative people along with it. All those narcissistic women that keep coming back and are trying to pull me down.
“Bye, bye!”
This year I’ve realized I am prioritizing myself. But most importantly I am prioritizing rest above all else. Because you know what?
“Bedtime is my favourite time of the day!”
I am a long sleeper. Always was and always will be. When I was a teenager, my mother just could not wake me up in time to go to school. Don’t get me wrong, I loved going to school — I just could not and would not wake up on time.
On one occasion I was feeling so sleepy in the morning: I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and as I was too tired, I sat down on the floor still brushing my teeth and I fell asleep. My mother found me two hours later, sleeping on the bathroom floor. I missed school on that day.
On another occasion, after getting dressed up for school I went back into my bedroom and sat down on the bed, just to rest for a minute, and again, I tucked myself under the covers and again fell asleep.
My sister woke me up hours later. How you may ask? She sat on me! My sister didn’t realize that I am wrapped under blankets and sleeping. After all, I was supposed to be in school.
I remember how much I scared my sister, but she scared me more.
At one point my parents considered that there must be something wrong with me, after all, I am able to sleep for 10–14 hours straight. So they took me to doctors, I’ve had my heart checked and had to wear a Holter monitor for 48HR.
The doctor couldn’t find anything “specifically” wrong with me, except that when I am sleeping it seems that my heart rate drops to the rate of those who are usually in a coma. So the doctor advised my parents to wake me up “gently”.
Since then I had my getaway card. Now I can sleep as long as I want because “don’t you dare wake up someone who is in coma”!
I was scheduled to do more checks, but I never went, as I dreaded that perhaps the doctors would actually find something serious.
Instead, I started training myself to wake up early. I even took a job at a morning TV show where for 6 months I had to be in the studio at 4 AM. God, I hated waking up at 2.30 AM. But somehow I am managed. Why?
Because I never give up.
Back then, my dream was to be in front of the camera, to deliver sports news, to meet Novak Djokovic but as I have an Eastern European accent the producers didn’t give me the job, so instead, I sat behind the cameras and wrote the news while other girls read them out. I despised them back them. Now I know it's the best thing that happened to me. A lot of those girls were sexually assaulted in order to advance their careers.
When I was 21 I entered the video games industry and suddenly my life changed: it became very hectic. I travelled all around the world, I worked 24/7, I chased money and fame, I met a lot of executives from Silicon Valley and I just felt the urge to keep up with them. And it was hard. I was always exhausted, so I started taking stimulants that messed up my sleep.
But I still kept on working and climbing the ladder. I worked since I was 16: I worked when I was in high school, I worked in college — not just one job but three. Truth be told — I didn’t have to work, as I was blessed enough to come from quite an affluent family.
I worked because I wanted to succeed in life. I worked because others told me that success comes with titles — “Junior Manager, Senior Manager, Executive Manager, CEO, VP, and all that other crap…”
Now I know that I just wanted to make my mother proud and make it into Forbes 30 under 30. My mum died when I was 23 but it didn’t stop me from pedalling faster and sleeping less.
Quite often I managed to have three jobs, attend and excel at university, learn foreign languages, write for theatre and play professional tennis. I was good at it too. I managed to be the 7th best in the country. But my father persuaded me to stop as he knew that it takes just one injury and I would be out of the game. Plus tennis is was a very expensive sport.
I used to travel a lot. My body was high on adrenaline and on “inat” to succeed. But somehow I managed to squeeze in some sleep.
I could sleep anywhere: planes, trains, cars, taxis, subways, ferries, cinemas, and on the floor if needed. I can work from anywhere too. When I visited Tokyo for a two-week-long conference I blended in with everyone on the tube — half of the train was asleep, because of the long commuting time. I slept too.
My friends and family used to be very frustrated with me: on days when I didn’t work and had scheduled morning meetings with friends, I used to miss them out. My boyfriend banned me from having an alarm over the weekend because I keep snoozing and snoozing. It kept waking him up while I was sleeping.
The country could be bombed and it wouldn’t wake me up!
When I scheduled doctor’s appointments I missed them, my general practitioner even charged me for all the missed appointments with him because of my inability to make it in time for my medical checkups.
Whenever I sleep for less than 12 hours my mood decreases and I don’t feel my sharpest. I need my 12–14 hours of sleep to feel good, alert, productive and “happier”. This year I decided to stop making excuses and embrace it.
I won’t make any appointments in the early morning. Because I am not an early bird I am a night owl. Judge me!
Now I start work after 11 AM and I avoid travelling before 10 AM. Many people don’t understand it and wish to label me as “lazy” when I am not. I am the opposite. I am just different and I am sure that there are many people like me out there but are ashamed to admit it. 7,8 or 9 hours of sleep is not enough for me to function 100 %.
I am very ambitious. I am very insecure. I thought that titles could cure my insecurity. I am a high achiever and I am at risk of burnout, and when I start feeling tired what do I do?
I pedal faster on the treadmill.
Look all of us are under stress. Right? I am too. There is the financial insecurity, the neverending pandemic, the annoying colleagues, the politics, the boosters, the needy children, old parents, argumentative siblings and the society.
They always judging society.
My body is on edge while my mind is on fire — trying to process all the information and respond to it accordingly and ideally as soon as possible. Hateful comments? Unfulfilled expectations?
Shoot — I am bulletproof.
At times I feel as I’ve been overworked for the last 10 years. Stressed? Perhaps. On edge? For sure.
Aren’t we all?
I’ve used to be an exhausted person when I took on early morning flights and early meetings but I realized that in the long run it doesn’t make me happy and makes me age faster. Nah, I don’t want those wrinkles, I am not 30 yet (no offence to my lovely 40, 50, 60, 70, and 90 + ladies and gents).
People used to put me down and make jokes because of my “oversleeping” habit. I just need to sleep longer than others, and I don’t feel guilty about it. Up until I experienced burnout my whole life revolved around work.
Even the pandemic could not stop my travels. As I sat in the airport lounge on my way to a conference in Dubai, just about to catch a connecting flight I stumbled upon an article describing ways chronic overwork can kill a person.
According to numerous scientific studies, excessive work can and will literally kill you. I know it can. My best friend died from a heart attack in 2021. He was the CEO, he was in Forbes, he was a high achiever. He died while playing tennis at the hands of his girlfriend. He was only 28 years old.
Few of my former colleagues suffered from strokes. I’ve also lost a business partner due to a cardiac event. Folks who clock more than 46 hours per week have the greatest risk for cardiovascular disease. Perhaps the work itself won’t kill you but a heart attack will.
Those who work more than 55 hours a week are more likely to experience depression or anxiety. No one should lose their mind overwork.
“How many times have I’ve been invited for drinks after work?”
Always. Every single time. Alcohol was and is a part of my work culture. I was told I should drink to advance further in my career, so I found myself in various bars in Moscow, Tel Aviv, and London drinking to gain trust from the business partners. Truth be told, I engaged in very risky alcohol use.
I am sober.
I’ve let work dominate my life and it left me no energy for the people who matter to me the most: my family and my friends. It left me no energy for the person who matters the most — myself. Back then I had no energy to see and spend time with my friends. I went straight back to my bed.
This year I decided to learn how to rest.
I’ve left for Montenegro, a tiny country on the Adriatic coast. I’ve spent time in the mountains with people who don’t even know their real age. But trust me they are old. Like really old, “Gandalf” old.
I’ve sat down with them and talked to them, but mostly I listened to their stories. Many of them have outlived their children and their grandchildren. There is no WI-FI, no Facebook, no depression or anxiety, there are no vaccines either. Just mountains, fresh air, and the smell of cattle.
I used to sit with them until 4 AM listening to them and devouring every word they said.
Many of them have no teeth left but they kept on smiling. Many of them are smokers but have no health issues. Many of them should be long dead but aren’t.
They gave me advice, which I now follow. The same advice that Felicia C. Sullivan follows too. Don’t listen to people telling you what you should do.
Along with this advice, they read me 10 commandments that promote life without work and have turned their lives around. I believe that BichoDoMato would love these. Here they are:
- The man was born tired and lives to rest.
- Love thy bed as you love thyself.
- Rest during the day, so you can sleep well at night.
- Do not work because work kills.
- If you see someone resting, join them.
- Work as little as you can and transfer all the work you can to another.
- You will find salvation in shade. Nobody died from resting.
- Work causes illness. It’s a fact. So please, do not pass away young.
- If you feel the urge to work: sit down and wait…give it a few minutes and you’ll see the urge will pass.
- When you see people eating and drinking, approach them! When you see people working, turn away and do not disturb them!
Following these in the first two weeks of 2022 made me healthier, happier and stress-free. Following these have made me sleep better. Following these have me stop following all the other bullshit that is out there.
Yes, I am sleeping 12 hours now and I feel great and I have nothing to apologize for.
Of course, I still work, but when I can I transfer the work to another, so I don’t pass away young.
Hopefully, these will help you too.
What do you think? Will you give it a try? Dr Mehmet Yildiz, Dew Langrial?
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