I Want to Thank My Narcissistic Ex
He helped me avert this tragedy
In what can only be explained as odd or surreal, my ex confided in me. Not once but several times. He waited until he felt he’d won. This meant divorce was complete and a financial sweep.
He took it all.
Or should I say hid it all?
At first, he confided in me about his initial tryst. A woman who was not so married not so divorced. Let’s just say it was the thing of small-town rumors. I was not amused. My children deserve better than their dad sneaking around while classmates inform them.
Later he would tell me he was crazy about her.
I know. Weird, right?! Not the crazy part. The telling me part.
By the time he found a second chick I was just glad she was single. Thank the universe for small favors. Did I think it was odd he texted me a pic of her? Yes. And told me how he met her online? Yes. And a few of her personal details? Yes. While inviting me over? Yes. And offering to make me dinner?
Oh, for the love of God, YES! And YES again!
But here’s what stopped me in my tracks. I mean really. I stopped my car. Okay, to be fair I was in a parking lot. But I pulled over. I had to have a moment to take it all in. And to say a prayer.
A massive prayer of thanks.
Turns out he was crazy about her too!
Yes, that’s right! The second woman he dated post-divorce.
Now, mind you. I once cried myself to sleep over this man. I didn’t love him. I thought he was the love of my life. I didn’t beg for my marriage to be saved, I sold my soul for it.
I sit behind the wheel of my Jeep and literally speak out loud.
“Thank you,” I say. “Thank you for getting me away from him.”
Of course, I’m talking to the big guy. The one who thankfully didn’t answer the midnight cries from my tear-soaked pillows.
But hey, He’s got a much better view from up there.
He knew this day would come.
When I would want to thank the narcissist. For being so charismatically cruel I would find him confusing. For being so cold I would find him frightening. For being so emotionally abusive I would eventually seek escape.
But mostly, for letting me know the narcissist could never love me. That he would be crazy about every single woman who crossed his path since I left him.
That I was nothing special.
At least not in the warped world of a narcissist. I was occupying space. I was meeting his needs. I was making him feel valued. I was making his world go round.
I never thought I would thank my narcissistic ex.
But I find myself grateful. Had he not continually exposed himself I would have stayed. I would have foolishly believed I was loved. I would never have been the wiser.
I was too busy seeing the best in him.
Too busy praying on tear-soaked pillows.
To realize I wasn’t truly loved.
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