I Said Yes to the Dress and Now I’m Facing Murder Charges
My favorite TV show destroyed my life
The first moment I watched an episode of Say Yes to the Dress I knew it was made for me. I acted quickly before the show could be canceled, settling for the first guy who asked me to marry him and immediately applying to be a contestant. Sorry, I don’t mean to cry. Being accepted by the producers was the happiest day of my life!
It really was magical. Rows of taffeta, silk, and organza, all waiting for me to decide which of them would make me feel like a princess. Forty minutes into the shopping spree I began to despair. All of the dresses were beautiful but they weren’t making me want to say, “Yes.” Then I saw it, the perfect dress. It was then I first heard an insistent voice in my head.
“Put me on.”
I excitedly shouted, “Yes!” The baffled assistant’s face showed concern as she helped me step into the garment. Spinning around I knew the dress must have been waiting for me, so perfect was the fit. I felt safe, like I had finally come home. The silky layer was a second skin. The splendid A-line silhouette hid my flaws…as well as the true intentions of the dress.
“Take me home,” the dress whispered.
“Yes!” I exclaimed. Who could say no to the perfect dress?
Soon, however, the dress was making more demands. Dubious ones.
It started one evening, after a fight with my fiancé over the rising wedding expenses, while I was sobbing into my pillow.
“Don’t cry.”
I almost jumped out of my skin. The dress had somehow gotten out of my closet and hung itself up in the flattering light by the window. Though it had no eyes it seemed like every bead on it was fixed upon me.
“He doesn’t appreciate you. Answer that message from your ex. He wants to meet you for drinks.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I told you to text him.” The voice was still soft, yet now it sounded more threatening.
I licked my lips nervously, “Yes, dress.”
After that, it was easy enough to agree to whatever the dress demanded.
I said yes to putting laxatives in my fiancé’s coffee.
I said yes to “accidentally” switching his shaving cream for body hair removal lotion.
I said yes to having an affair with my ex.
Eventually, a week before we were to say our vows, my fiancé found out about my newfound crime and cheating sprees. He yelled at me, told me the wedding was off. Vitriolic things were said on both sides. Had he just insulted my character I believe everything would have been fine. Unfortunately, he spat, “You’ve been such a different person since you bought that ugly dress.”
The dress, which was hanging on a door hook, heard him. It radiated hate.
“Kill him.”
I tried to say no. But I couldn’t refuse that stupid, evil garment anything. I had to say yes to the dress! So I shot my fiancé.
I know you won’t believe me. My lawyer sure doesn’t. He insists I plead insanity. I can’t though. The dress told me not to. And I must always say yes to the dress. I just pray that the jury will be merciful.
Also, I hope it’s not weird if I wear my dress to court. I really don’t want it to go to waste. And who knows? Maybe the happiest day of my life will be the day I’m acquitted!
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