Love and Romance
I Refuse to Be Consumed — Pt.6
Traumatized Lovebirds Are Best Kept Apart
I’m not prone to crying; today, I made an exception.
Unthreatening, a little deranged… but immature? Yes, I’m still developing.
She is a healer, a wise and ancient soul. We are meant to be, surely another day. This is not that day.
I… may never see it.
Why share this conversation with you?
Because it’s all I know to do right now. I don’t care for anyone to be reading it. This openness is quite abnormal to me.
It may be construed a breach of privacy.
Me
Her
How r u
Could be worse
How are you?
Wym
What is wrong
I’m sorry, I didn’t sleep very well. Struggling to put my thoughts and feelings together rn
I’m fine though In a really broken kind of way lol
I don’t want to bother you with things just because I’m not taking enough good care of myself
*taking good enough care
Honestly feeling drained
Oh no
This is probably my fault
I’m sorry
Sorry, nodded off for a minute
And no
You’re at the centre of it, but you’re not at fault for anything
I just don’t know how to handle anything today
I want to say so many things. Idk how much is just me grasping for a foothold
I have to stop
Even thinking about this kind of shit
I know
Me too
I cant help that I still want to talk to you
It’s like my life could go one of two ways
I can be the person I’m trying to be or I can be with you and be accepted for everything about me
Even my darkest parts
And idk
How to deal with that
How to feel about how you love me for all of me
It’s overwhelming and it makes me sad
I have to try this and see if it works out
Idk
I’ve already gotten myself invested
[xRedactedx] already predicted it
He’s like ur gonna break that poor boys heart
He knows me too well
But Im going to try this for real
Idk
Ur probably tired
Good night
I can’t be with you right now
We’d be unhealthy
I think we should both work on our selves
Then see where it goes from there
Maybe we’d both be ready then
Idk maybe you’ll find someone else
I don’t want to find someone else
just want to get over this
lol
Fuck everything
I understand though
Besides, even being able to do more about it, I couldn’t go anywhere with a good conscience right now
And I really do need to save my focus
For me
I wasn’t ready to contact you, I knew that, I wasn’t patient
I fucked everything up
I practically summoned him into your life myself lol
I was going to destroy myself trying to give you my everything right now
Honestly, I still do need someone… building myself up alone is hard, and I want to build some kind of empire
You’ve helped me more than you know
All I want right now is to not feel anything
You’re in what seems to be good hands, and that’s all that should matter
I don’t want to fuck with that
We shouldn’t really talk on the phone anymofe
*anymore
It’s too much for me
I don’t want to hear your voice
I can’t
I’m sorry I’m being like this
You have something good, cherish it it 🖤
You deserve to be happy
I’d just disappoint you rn
I’m really sorry for all the shit I put you through before, I never intended for any of it
I’m grateful someone showed up to make everything better
I’m done… could go on forever lol
I hope you have better rest tonight
I’ll be okay
I’m sorry for getting this way lol
Goodnight [xRedactedx], talk to you another time
Good night 😳
Clearly, I still want to be in her head? It’s horrible; I’ve decided I shouldn’t. But I do not lie; she is the one I need.
I refuse to be consumed, but oh I am! I should move on, but I don’t want to. Still, I am ready to leave her in peace.
I’ll take the pain of being without her. I did intend to keep to myself forever— Now I can still do it, and I have a muse?
Everything considered, I’m pretty lucky!
Next in the series—
Or, start from the beginning—
