I Once Turned Down a $100 Offer
In life, we often find ourselves in moments that challenge our instincts and choices. Some of these moments stay with us, etched into our memories like chapters in an unwritten book. Today, I want to share a story, a moment from my past that left a profound impact on me. It’s a story about choices, instincts, and the unexpected. As I recount this experience, you might find it relatable, for it’s not just my story; it’s a story shared by many women around the world.
My college days in Edmonton were an interesting period. At that time, I didn’t have a job. To make ends meet, I was living with a host family, a choice driven by the absence of college dormitories.
It was during this period that A Nightmare Before Christmas hit the theaters. Yes, even as an adult, I still had a deep love for all things Halloween, even today. Part of it is because I was born in October.
On that specific day, I was determined to catch the matinee show of the movie, and I went alone. I didn’t have any close friends, which was the reason. I took the bus, and I arrived there just an hour early on Jasper Avenue. So, the only thing that I did was go shopping on that street for a bit. I don’t recall the specific stores I visited or what I purchased, but I was immersed in the experience.
As I glanced at my watch, I noticed that the box office would open soon, and I had to hurry to buy my ticket. So I went with the sole purpose of watching that movie.
As I waited for the traffic lights to change at a busy street corner, a peculiar incident unfolded.
There was a limo parked close by and a businessman, in his late 30s or early 40s came out and said to me, “I will give you $100, if you want to ride in the limo with me.”
Being so focused on going to that movie theater and hating being distracted, I told the man “No,” and soon the lights changed so that I can continue on the way.
The encounter happened swiftly, leaving me no time to get a good look at the man or his features. But that request felt weird and uncomfortable to me. And I felt that way all the way to sitting in those comfortable theater seats.
The theater I entered was a charming relic, likely one of those old vaudeville venues transformed into a movie house. But unlike most movie theaters, there were two tiers. The first tier, close to the screen, were your usual movie theater seats. The second tier seats felt like they had a red cushion built into them and all those seats had cup holders in the armrest. I remember sitting on the second tier, and they were the most comfortable movies seats that I ever sat on.
Glad I made that decision to say no
I think that even after that movie had ended, I did felt that the situation earlier that day still had that uncomfortable gut feeling. I didn’t think of my safety, and I still went to places on my own even to this day.
Due to age, I don’t think that I had any other guys cat calling me since my 30s. The last one that I remember was a block away from my parents’ home (Yes, I was living with my parents in my 30s), where I usually wait for the bus (And still do).
That morning when I was going to work, a male neighbor, with a car, stopped on the other end of the street that was facing me. I can’t remember exactly what he said, he was probably wondering why I was standing there. I didn’t understand why he didn’t see that there was a bus stop sign there. It’s clear as day to any driver. There wasn’t any trees or other signs blocking it, either. But I knew he wanted to pick me up and rape me or something like that. I did remember looking at my house a block away. I almost felt like wanting to run there and asking my parents to drive me to work. But I just stood there waiting for the bus to arrive, which it did.
I am getting off track here. But this sort of thing happened to me, not all the time, but often. And I know I am not the only woman that it happens to, either.
Remembering back when I was 19 with the first incident, even though I was a starving student, I am glad that I didn’t take the money and road in that limo. I was more focused on wanting to see a movie than being distracted. I even didn’t know then that I had Inattentive ADHD. Maybe that ability to be hyperfocused saved me. I mean, I didn’t even pay attention to what the guy looked like, aside from the fact that he was wearing a gray business suit.
Now I think that if I were to have taken the money, I would have ended up raped, being a prostitute, or even dead. That’s why I am glad that I said no.
Either way, I am glad that I have made the right decision.
And I know I am not the only woman who has gone through this. For those of you who are and are sick and tired of all these cat calls from men, here’s what you can do to protect yourself from them.
Women: what to do if a strange man Cat Calls you?
When faced with a situation where a stranger catcalls you, it’s essential to prioritize your safety and respond in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Here’s how to handle such situations:
Assess Your Surrounding
Before taking any action, quickly evaluate your surroundings. Consider whether you are in a well-lit and populated area or a more isolated place. Knowing your environment can help determine your next steps. Now, let’s apply these strategies to real-life situations. I’ve already shared one story about a cat caller, near my home, but there’s another incident that I want to recount.
This was years ago, when I had a job where I can only work nights at. The farthest subway stop was a little farther away. The first couple of nights that I walked from work, there was a guy in a white pickup truck who constantly asked me if he can drive me home. I constantly say no. Along my path to the subway stop, I used to pass by a fire hall. On one occasion, that guy did ask me for a ride right there. Again, I said no. I wish that I would have ran to the front door of that hall to get help from the firefighters to help get this guy away from me. But I didn’t. And there were a few other times that this guy in a white pickup truck tried to lure me into his car, but then he gave up, knowing that I will refuse his request.
Ignore Them
In many cases, it’s best not to engage with cat callers at all. Mind your own business, pretend not to hear them, and walk away. Cat callers often seek attention, and ignoring them can discourage their behavior. However, this is tricky to do because, just like bullies, Cat Callers will do anything to get your attention.
Make Eye Contact
If you feel safe doing so, making eye contact and giving them a stern look can convey that you won’t tolerate their behavior. Give them that evil eye look that says, don’t mess with me. It can also make them uncomfortable and less likely to continue.
Directly Tell Them How You Feel
If you feel confident and safe, you can assertively communicate your discomfort. You can say phrases like this:
Example: “Leave me alone!”
“Go away!”
“Don’t do that!”
“I don’t appreciate your comments. Please stop!”
… or express your anger directly.
Mention Having a Partner
Another approach to consider is to mention having a partner (Even if you don’t have one). This can signal that you’re not interested and may discourage them from pursuing you, further.
Example: “I have a boyfriend/husband.”
“I’m already married.”
“I’m in a relationship, and I’m not interested. Please respect my space.”
Ask Them to Repeat Themselves
In a public place, asking the cat caller to repeat their comment out loud can draw attention to their behavior, potentially making them feel embarrassed or ashamed.
Walk Away
After asserting yourself, ignoring them, continue walking away from the situation. You can also take out your phone and pretend to call someone or take other actions to make it clear you won’t tolerate harassment. Or do what is going to be in the next suggestion. This will let Cat Callers think you will call 911 on them.
Document Your Experience
If you feel safe doing so, consider documenting the incident. Take a photo of the cat caller or their vehicle, especially if you believe it might be necessary for evidence or your safety. DM your friends or post about your experience with them on social media. This will let them be aware of that jerk that just made a rude comment towards you.
Before we conclude, I want to share an interesting idea I came across on Facebook. It relates to handling catcalling situations in a unique way. It suggests to young women, that in a public catcalling situation, you can seek out an older woman and pretend that they’re her mother. You can do this, but without referring to the older woman as your mother. This allows you to share what you just experienced with the cat caller. And guess, what, that older woman will have a story of a similar situation she was in when she was your age.
Remember, your safety is the top priority. Choose the response that feels most comfortable and safe for you in any situation. These strategies can help deter cat callers and empower you to handle such encounters effectively.
Bystanders: What to Do When You Witness Catcalling on the Street?
Normally, in public places, bystanders just mind their own business when they hear a man cat call a woman. By bystanders, I mean everyone, men and other women, should step in to help the woman out. But again, it depends on the situations.
Here’s what you can do as a Bystander to help:
You also need to assess the situation
Assessing the situation is key. As a bystander, it’s crucial to gauge the situation before deciding whether to intervene in a catcalling incident. If you perceive that the woman can handle the situation herself and doesn’t appear to be in immediate danger, it may not be necessary to step in. However, there are certain red flags that should prompt you to take action. If the harasser becomes physically aggressive, invades the woman’s personal space, or seems intoxicated and unpredictable, it’s best to intervene promptly to ensure everyone’s safety.
Create a Distraction
One effective way to help defuse a catcalling situation without direct confrontation is to create a distraction. For instance, if you witness a man catcalling a woman, you can approach the harasser and pretend to be their friend, saying something like:
Example: “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. You forgot that we have to go meet some friends.”
This approach can catch the cat caller off guard, disrupting their behavior and allowing the woman to walk away from the situation without further engagement. Remember, the aim is to divert attention away from the catcalling without escalating the conflict.
Find a Delegate
If you’re uncomfortable directly intervening or believe it’s not safe to do so, look for a store owner, security guard, police officer, or someone in authority nearby. Alert them to the situation and ask for their help. The presence of an authority figure often discourages harassers and can help ensure the safety of the victim and other bystanders. Involving someone in authority can also lead to consequences for the cat caller.
Step in to Help the Victim
If you choose to step in, approach the victim and ask if she is okay. Express your concern and empathy, letting her know that you’re there to support her. If you’re a woman, stepping in to help, you can also share that you’ve experienced similar situations. This connection can provide comfort and reassurance to the victim, letting her know that she’s not alone.
It’s disheartening that some individuals who engage in catcalling don’t consider how their actions affect women as if they were their own mothers, sisters, or daughters. It’s a valid point to ponder — would they say such things to their own female family members? By collectively challenging catcalling behavior as a society and by actively engaging as bystanders, we can create a safer and more respectful public environment for all.
We need to let everyone know that cat calling is also harassment, and it is unacceptable behavior. This is even if a man finds a woman attractive and wants to show it off in a rude way.
References
How to Handle Catcallers. (n.d.). Plan International. Retrieved September 29, 2023, from https://plan-international.org/girls-get-equal/how-to-handle-catcallers/
Robinson, M. (2014, July 16). How to Respond to Catcalling. Business Insider. Retrieved September 29, 2023, from https://www.businessinsider.com/what-to-do-when-catcalled-2014-7Ross, I. (2021, June 15). Calling out cat calling: Men need to step up. Jeffrey Ian Ross. Retrieved September 29, 2023, from https://jeffreyianross.com/calling-out-cat-calling-men-need-to-step-up/
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Originally published at http://mindfulnarratives.ca on October 5, 2023.
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